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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was DH being a twat or AIBU?

132 replies

oreshina · 13/09/2020 19:06

Long story short(ish) - DH had my DS out on bike this afternoon with an attachment between his bike and DS' bike.

DS asked if I would take him out with the little bike attached to my bike. DH jumped in and said it was tricky to change the attachment from one bike to another and that we could do it another day. I am not one to be put off by a bit of diy etc so suggested I would take a look at the attachment and see if I thought I could do it.
At this point DH got quite animated saying 'no don't you go out rummaging in my toolbox...I don't want you trying that as you'll never manage it and will need my help etc.' He also said in front of DS and DD ' I know this is one of your moments where you won't take no for an answer and have to prove that women can do man things...but excuse me for wanting to be traditional and say that my tools are my tools.' In my mind he was acting like a misogynistic pig but maybe he genuinely felt I would get stuck and couldn't be bothered sorting it out..AIBU to be in a huff?!

OP posts:
BadDucks · 13/09/2020 19:19

Hmm what’s daddy hiding in his tool box eh?
Get your own tools and tell him to knob off

areallthenamesusedup · 13/09/2020 19:19

Depends. My partner is crap at DIY. If he gets out my drill and starts doing stuff I end having to get involved, have to stop him buying unnecessary stuff and generally I will end up doing what ever he has started. Could it be that?

user165423256322 · 13/09/2020 19:20

Oh, lovely, a history of abusing you and the children. So, entirely in character then today.

Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 13/09/2020 19:20

I don't like dh going in my toolbox or my box of power tools in the garage. He rummages through, gets the wrong stuff out because he's crap at all things diy and either forgets to put stuff back or throws it in untidily. I'd also rather he didn't decide to just have a go at stuff because he's no clue what he's doing and either breaks stuff or loses his patience and I have to take over.
I've nothing in there I don't want him to see I'd just rather the house be left in 1 piece!

Thisisnotnormal69 · 13/09/2020 19:21

He’s trying to keep it well hidden but he’s evidently still a misogynist isn’t he...otherwise why would he come out with that crap? That’s still who he is!

Trixie18 · 13/09/2020 19:21

Tell me you've checked the toolbox just in case!

Original poster
oreshina · 13/09/2020 19:22

There was obviously nothing in the toolbox!! He just doesn't want me 'messing up' his perfect toolbox! He apologised and said 'sorry for being a bit precious about my toolbox' and told me he was just worried I'd skin my knuckles. I don't need that kind of concern and such a song and dance over something so trivial. I think he doesn't like that I do all the painting in the house...he has accepted it and says he thinks it's great but in the past would always get a bit arsey if I said I would be decorating a room.

OP posts:
AuntyMabelandPippin · 13/09/2020 19:22

So, you've been out and swapped them over?

Cos I would have.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/09/2020 19:22

Funny how his true colours are still peeking through even though he's "changed" oh so much.

Taking him back was a massive mistake.

CandyLeBonBon · 13/09/2020 19:22

Ffs. Yes. Total twat. Tell him so from me. I've got my own tool box and a range of power tools and no man is ever going to tell me I'm a woman doing man things! What a fucking antiquated man child. And you can tell him that too!!!

Timeforabiscuit · 13/09/2020 19:22

I'm sorry, it sounds really grim for you and the kids.

CandyLeBonBon · 13/09/2020 19:23

Oh dear. Such a fragile male ego.

PanamaPattie · 13/09/2020 19:23

You have very low standards.

ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 13/09/2020 19:25

I’m on the fence... could you have done it without his help and support? Or would he have needed to step in and help?

diddl · 13/09/2020 19:27

God what a twat!

He could have at least fetched the necessary tool(s)!

Sounds as if he's got a whole box of tools & you've got just the one.

ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 13/09/2020 19:28

And I don’t mean because he’s a man - he was a d!ck to say that

FelicityPike · 13/09/2020 19:31

He’s a dick.

Watermelontea · 13/09/2020 19:31

Sounds like the 6 month break should have been extended until the end of forever, as he’s a massive cunt, and won’t change.

pigsDOfly · 13/09/2020 19:31

Bloody hell. What exactly are 'man things'?

I've had my own tool box with all sorts of things in it: screw drivers, pliers and hammers of different sizes, even a drill. Ooh and I even had a tile cutter for when I tiled the bathroom all by my little female self in the house I'd bought without the help of a man.

Bloody amazing what us 'little women' can do when we set our pretty little minds to it.

As pps said, I'd be checking in that tool box. Unless of course, your DH is always such misogynistic arse, in which case I'd get my own set of tools and tell him where to shove his next time something needs to be done that requires a screw driver.

Veterinari · 13/09/2020 19:33

@areallthenamesusedup

Depends. My partner is crap at DIY. If he gets out my drill and starts doing stuff I end having to get involved, have to stop him buying unnecessary stuff and generally I will end up doing what ever he has started. Could it be that?
No it's not that because you don't assume all men are terrible at DIY and make s disrespectful comments in front of your DC.

OP you're married to a disrespectful misogynist. What's his contribution to the domestic load? How gender-defined are your roles? How supportive is he of you learning and developing as a person or does he want you to 'stay in your box'?

Original poster
oreshina · 13/09/2020 19:33

I think he feels it is his domain and he said I was 'backing him into a corner' trying to make him change the attachment to my bike by suggesting I 'could do it myself'. He seemed to think me suggesting I might be capable of doing it was some ploy to get him to do it even though he said he didn't want to today.

When he apologised he said he genuinely struggled with it so he knew I physically wouldn't manage.

I can be a bit headstrong but I don't like being told I can't even attempt something..it is quite belittling.

Anyway like I said...he apologised but I just feel really pissed off...feel like I should’ve let it go by now.

OP posts:
pigsDOfly · 13/09/2020 19:33

Ah, just seen your update. So he's a misogynistic arse then.

Standrewsschool · 13/09/2020 19:33

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat

I’d think he had something hidden in his tool box....
My first thought also.

(Has mn made me overly suspicious?)

WoodenFox · 13/09/2020 19:34

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat

I’d think he had something hidden in his tool box....
Agree with this. 👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼
PyongyangKipperbang · 13/09/2020 19:36

THe only tool here is him.

I agree that he isnt as reformed a character as he is pretending to be.....