If your child came out as an asexual, how would you feel/react?

[WellThisWentWell]

Yanbu= would love and accept them for who they are

Yabu= asexuality isin’t real, they just haven’t met the ’one’

You don't have have to "give people an asexual label to shield behind", that's true. But if it's not mentioned, many teenagers will assume that they are sexual and broken, or that everyone else is faking, too, and that's just how sex is.

One of my close relatives is asexual. It's never been an issue. They are a loving person who my kids love and they have been a fabulous relative to them. It's their business. We see the person.

@DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon

The take that thing doesnt everyone pretend they fancy celebrities?

A lot of the time Id just pretend I fancied the same celebrities as my friends, or would pick the funniest boyband member. I wasnt actually sexually attracted to celebrities at 14. Im pretty certain a lot of my friends did the same.

But how on earth can you fancy someone you’ve never even met?

I’m sorry but a lot of this sounds like sth made up in response to the relentless pressure in our capitalist society to make everything about sex. It’s perfectly fine to only develop sexual feelings for people once you’ve, you know, grown up to be an adult and actually had a few meaningful relationships with said people ! It’s impossible to prove a negative, so it’s ridiculous to make some sort of definitive judgment about being asexual at an early stage in your life.

I don’t think anyone should ‘suggest’ a sexual orientation to any child. Sexuality is a personal journey

Tbf I never thought I’d see a sex Ed cube game which encourage very explicit sexual activity aimed at 11 years olds being rolled out in school - but it is. There is an ever increasing need for some reason so sexualise children in schools very early on.

No I’m not saying that Asexuality is to hide from sexual activity - although I wouldn’t blame them if they felt that’s what they were because at that point in time ( especially in school and there are so many sexuality buzz words that they did use it as a shield to stop being harassed.

@Craddle64

If you are asexual and get aroused, as you say that can happen to asecuals, the fuck are they aroused for? Their own hand?

Imagine being hungry but no food really appeals.

Horniness is a biological function, sexuality is a sexual preference. As I once said to a friend who questioned this to me ‘the plumbing still works!’ I am just not sexually attracted to anyone.

If you are asexual and get aroused, as you say that can happen to asecuals, the fuck are they aroused for? Their own hand?

Does that mean you only get aroused by thinking of someone you find attractive? Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

If you are asexual and get aroused, as you say that can happen to asecuals, the fuck are they aroused for? Their own hand?

Arousal is a biological response to stimulus.

This article gives a better understanding of asexuality:

www.healthline.com/health/what-is-asexual

I think something to keep in mind is that no one is ‘locked in’ to any sexuality. We seem so afraid that children might get it wrong, so we must not influence them in any way, or they might declare themselves gay or asexual too young! We all know who we are sexually attracted to, (or not attracted to) in the end. If a 14 year says that are asexual that doesn’t mean that’s how they will feel when they are 30 and that’s fine. Be accepting, be kind, let them change if they got it wrong, or let them remain who they are if they got it right.

But how on earth can you fancy someone you’ve never even met?

Strip clubs/Dream Boys/porn thrives on people being attracted to someone you've never met before.

I'd think they were oversharing. A parent doesn't have to know their child's sexuality. Lesbian or Gay is different as it makes a substantial difference to choice of future partner. Anything else they can keep to themselves. I don't want to hear "Mum, I'm a furry" either.

I gave up on that article in paragraph two. It explained that some people are demi sexual which falls under the asexual umbrella and means only wanting sex with people who you've formed a deep bond with.

By that measure, most of my parents generation were demi sexual, therefore asexual. If I came out to my parents and said 'mum, dad, I'm really sorry but I only want to have sex with people I have a strong attachment too, I hope you can still love me' then it would be blank looks all round. No parent on earth hopes or expects that their child has emotionally meaningless sex.

By labelling everything we render all labels devoid of meaning.

@RuffleCrow

I'd think they were oversharing. A parent doesn't have to know their child's sexuality. Lesbian or Gay is different as it makes a substantial difference to choice of future partner. Anything else they can keep to themselves. I don't want to hear "Mum, I'm a furry" either.

I somewhat disagree. Being asexual is a substantial part of my life. As it means here is a massive part of the human experience that I will not experience. My mum was worried about me, she didn’t know about asexuality, so assumed that I was either lonely or lying to her about my life. She found it comforting to know that that it was a real thing and that I was happy.

Surely that's just a low libido and someone who

And someone who choose to live like that. Sorry for the 2 posts!

It explained that some people are demi sexual which falls under the asexual umbrella and means only wanting sex with people who you've formed a deep bond with.

It actually says Sexual attraction is about finding a specific person sexually appealing and wanting to have sex with them.

I'm sure all those girls of my parents generation screaming at the Beatles/Elvis were sexually attracted to them.

Surely that's just a low libido and someone who choose to live like that.

Have you RTFT where it has been stated multiple times that libido and sexuality are not linked? Would you tell a heterosexual person they weren't heterosexual because they had a low libido? Would you tell someone who was a lesbian and a virgin that they weren't a lesbian?

Many parents would be sad to feel they had no chance of becoming grandparents, especially if they have only one child

Well I’m asexual and I have 4 children. Many ace people have kids.

I think something to keep in mind is that no one is ‘locked in’ to any sexuality. We seem so afraid that children might get it wrong, so we must not influence them in any way, or they might declare themselves gay or asexual too young! We all know who we are sexually attracted to, (or not attracted to) in the end.

I totally agree with this. At 18, I would have confidently told you I was straight. Now in my thirties, I know I’m bisexual. Sometimes people take a while to figure out their sexual orientation. Sometimes that orientation changes. That’s ok - we don’t need to be afraid of it.

People talk about their terror of their children being pigeon holed into ‘labels’ as though identifying as a particular orientation is an irreversible, lifelong decision. It’s not, and identifying with an orientation can actually be a very liberating a freeing experience. I’d have felt a lot more comfortable acknowledging my bisexuality at 18 if it had been more accepted and widely understood, instead of spending my teens thinking I was just a bit weird for having feelings about women in an environment where bisexuality wasn’t acknowledged by anyone as a valid sexual orientation.

But surely anything worth 'coming out' about has to have real life implications? My mum fancied Paul McCartney but didn't have sex until she married my dad. Are you saying that not fancying Paul McCartney or his equivalent is something that needs a label? Given that asexual people have sex and that non asexual people don't have sex, aren't these just words people use to describe themselves? I can't see what it can have to do with anyone else. Unmarried aunts may lust after Benedict Cumberbatch, or have no lust at all. Why do I need to know which applies? Is none of my business.

@JustanAunt

Wow, so much misinformation on this thread. Thank you Slash and others for trying.

I am in my 30s and am asexual, as it has been mentioned the reality of this can look different for different people.

For me, I have never been in a relationship, or had sex. I do not want to. I have never felt sexually attracted to anyone. People think there are ‘too many labels’ that’s nice for you when you fit in a box. For me, I didn’t understand why I was different. When I learnt about asexuality in my 20s it was like a light switch in my head. I wasn’t abnormal, I wasn’t alone.

I didn’t ‘come out’ and most people don’t even know I am asexual. I casually mentioned it once to my mum, she looked it up later and also felt a sense of relief that she understood an important part of my life, and that I wasn’t lonely or craving something, I was just a different sexual orientation.

I just ask for respect. It may seem strange to others, but this is my truth and my life. Asexuality is very real.

This is similar to me but now I’m 33 I’m finding I want a relationship but I can’t find one :( it’s terrifying trying to start from scratch when your peers are divorced with kids

Maybe asexual isn’t the right “label” for me but it’s only recently I’ve wanted to find someone. Don’t even start me about carrying the v-card because that stresses me out even more

@MorrisZapp

But surely anything worth 'coming out' about has to have real life implications? My mum fancied Paul McCartney but didn't have sex until she married my dad. Are you saying that not fancying Paul McCartney or his equivalent is something that needs a label? Given that asexual people have sex and that non asexual people don't have sex, aren't these just words people use to describe themselves? I can't see what it can have to do with anyone else. Unmarried aunts may lust after Benedict Cumberbatch, or have no lust at all. Why do I need to know which applies? Is none of my business.

Then don’t care. As I and others have said discovering there was a term for how we felt was incredibly liberating and a huge relief. It’s why I haven’t ‘come out’ to anyone other than my mum. I don’t expect people to care. I know what I am and am grateful there is a label for me to better understand myself

Surely that's just a low libido and someone who choose to live like that

Libido, sexual desire and sexual attraction are completely different things. Choosing to have sex because you have abstained or taken it upon yourself to be celibate are again very different to being asexual - they are choices, asexuality isn't.

That makes sense, justanaunt, and it's what I said up thread. I don't have to understand asexuality for it to be a thing. If individuals apply it to themselves it affects me not a jot.