Or does my Mother in Law think she's entitled...

[amberrose12]

We have a 8 month old baby.

At the height of the pandemic we've strictly distanced ourselves and our son.

Once cases started to drop, we maintained distance but didn't distance our son from his grandparents.

Over the last few weeks our area is on a watch list and Covid cases are beginning to soar.

DH and I have decided that it's best we start to distance our son again as we don't want to put him or us at unnecessary risk.

We visited DH parents yesterday and explained that for now, we don't think close contact is a good idea.

We will still be seeing her regularly, she just don't think her hugging and kissing is a good idea.

She became really cross with us telling us she has the right to hug and kiss her grandson and we are taking away her rights.

We don't see it like this at all. We are just doing what we think is best.

She got all upset and started to say her grandson won't know who she is and they will never have a bond.

We visit two / three times a week, that won't change. The only thing we are stopping for now is the close contact.

My parents have been absolutely fine about it and totally respect our decision.
My mum thinks it's for the best as she works at a hospital and doesn't want to put my son at risk.

I've text my mother in law this morning asking how she is and her response was

"Heartbroken, my baby boy will never get to know how much I love him"

Am I being unreasonable?

YANBU

If you and your husband don't feel comfortable with your son having close contact, during a pandemic, then that's your decision.

From what I've read, the risk to children is low, but he's your son and you have to do what you think is best for you and your family.

I think your MIL sounds like she's being a little dramatic.

She is behaving like a manipulative cowbag. I'd tell her if she doesn't pack it in she will see even less of him.

How long will you keep this up?
Cases may never go back down.

I have a 2 year old and I'm not distancing her from mine or my husbands parents.

Ask them to wash their hands before they hold him.

Of course your MIL is going to be upset that she can no longer have a cuddle with her grandson.

We have the opposite. My mother-in-law's reaction is 'maybe I will see them next year"!

The situation is hard for everybody, people react in all sorts of ways and we just have to find a way to get through all this without falling out.

I don't know what it is with MiLs seeming to think they have a right to dictate what their children do with their adult lives. There are MILs whose children go abroad and who see their grandkids once a year.

I think you should tell yours to back off

Get your DH to respond and tell her she needs to stop with the histrionics.

And YOU stop contacting her. Stop feeding her...

YANBU. She doesn't have the right to put your son in danger. I would stop all visits for now.

Of course your MIL is going to be upset that she can no longer have a cuddle with her grandson. That doesn't excuse her behaviour. Emotional blackmail is never an acceptable behaviour, from anyone, any age!

You sound well matched for drama.

She sounds like a drama queen. How on Earth do you get the time to go over there 2-3 times a week? Does she demand this?

You visit 2-3 times per week? God. So much. Why?

YANBU!!!

Even if the risk to children is low, why would you willingly put your baby at risk during a pandemic.

I agree with you OP. Stop all close contact.

You and DH have made that decision.

Stick to it.

It's your decision but I would allow a hug. Ensure hands washed etc. With grandparents. Its very tough on them.

She's being an over dramatic whingebag. Ignore the complaints.

She's being a massive drama queen

@sitckmansladylove

It's your decision but I would allow a hug. Ensure hands washed etc. With grandparents. Its very tough on them.

@sitckmansladylove

The baby is 8 months old. He won't want to hug, he will want to play / explore with the person holding him.
That pretty close contact, it's not necessary at this time.

She's being dramatic. You are being more than accommodating.
I'd ease back on the contacting her.
Dh could remind her that it's a difficult situation all round, and you're not doing this just for fun.

I dont think she is being entitled but she is being massively over dramatic. Her baby boy!? Never get to know!? There are plenty of ways of showing or telling someone you love them without cuddling them.

One thing I'd say though is the risk to healthy children is statistically so small to be considered as nil, and she has the right to decide what risks she wants to take with her own health. So if she is happy to accept the increased risk to her health from mixing with a young child then I think it's odd for you to decide you won't allow it to keep her safe, if that makes sense

"my baby boy"
She sounds like a nightmare!!

This is the exact same sort of thing my MIL would have said...

We are no contact with her thank fuck

She does sound very entitled. Of course your ds will know his grandmother loves him. He doesn’t need physical love to have it proven.

@KinseyWinsey

You visit 2-3 times per week? God. So much. Why?

@KinseyWinsey

I'm on maternity leave and I've been calling a few tomes a week during the day, then we usually all go together on a weekend.

My husband would not hear the end of it if we didn't visit regularly.

She's being ridiculous and hysterical.

However, the thing I think is a bit odd is that you're still happy to meet up with them, just not to hug and kiss. This is a respiratory disease - it initially passes through the air. How are you reducing that risk if you are still meeting up? Will you be outdoors? If it does pass through physical touch like hugs and kissing then washing your hands isn't going to make an awful lot of difference to that, surely?

@amberrose12

There is no way in hell I would be visiting my MIL three times a week and I would be dumping a man who guilt tripped me into it.

In laws do not have a god given right to your time. Personally I think once a month is more than enough.

''My baby boy'' ? Ugh. That alone speaks volumes about the woman IMO.

Drop the visits to once a week and just grow a thick skin to her histrionics.

You're being sensible. I would hate to put my granddaughter at risk, she is too precious. God know why you are seeing her 2/3 times a week though!