Or does my Mother in Law think she's entitled...

[amberrose12]

We have a 8 month old baby.

At the height of the pandemic we've strictly distanced ourselves and our son.

Once cases started to drop, we maintained distance but didn't distance our son from his grandparents.

Over the last few weeks our area is on a watch list and Covid cases are beginning to soar.

DH and I have decided that it's best we start to distance our son again as we don't want to put him or us at unnecessary risk.

We visited DH parents yesterday and explained that for now, we don't think close contact is a good idea.

We will still be seeing her regularly, she just don't think her hugging and kissing is a good idea.

She became really cross with us telling us she has the right to hug and kiss her grandson and we are taking away her rights.

We don't see it like this at all. We are just doing what we think is best.

She got all upset and started to say her grandson won't know who she is and they will never have a bond.

We visit two / three times a week, that won't change. The only thing we are stopping for now is the close contact.

My parents have been absolutely fine about it and totally respect our decision.
My mum thinks it's for the best as she works at a hospital and doesn't want to put my son at risk.

I've text my mother in law this morning asking how she is and her response was

"Heartbroken, my baby boy will never get to know how much I love him"

Am I being unreasonable?

"My baby boy"? Freakin' loon.

Grandparents don't have rights. She can whistle.

This is an opportunity to set boundaries! You have spoilt her. She doesn’t have any rights!

You want the best for you son so drawing a line in the sand now is you protecting him for her manipulation and guilt trips later.

How she treats you and your husband is how she will treat your son later. Do you want that?

From her manipulation.

I hate my phone

OP you are going to get a lot of comments about covid and how it will be here forever. But the main point of your post is that you have set boundaries that she doesn't agree with (and really this could have been about anything). Make it clear that if she can't keep to the boundaries you have set you cant go round to see them (which would be the same whatever the boundary was). This would have happened at some point. I like the text about 'your baby boy is fine but my baby boy is xxx' but it depends how she would take that.

Her reaction would just strengthen my resolve even more.

Even if you were being unreasonable I wouldn’t stand for that kind of talk and would stand my ground.

FWIW I lived in Africa from the age of six weeks until I was five. Such is life.

The issue is more than just the risk of Covid here.

She is the issue. She needs to learn boundaries.

@TPS2009

The issue is more than just the risk of Covid here.

She is the issue. She needs to learn boundaries.

This. Even without the pandemic she would have started to exhibit some controlling behaviours and demands. Take this opportunity to preempt a much deeper set of issues and draw boundaries now.

I’d be cutting the visits back to once a week absolute tops and lots of reminders of other things in your lives.

You will be getting the pressure to leave him overnight with her very soon if not already.

YANBU. I have a toddler DS with respiratory issues and a 4 week old DD. Neither set of grandparents have met her yet. I don’t consider it to be safe. The ‘bond’ comments are just silly. Once Covid has been kicked into touch there will be plenty of time to build that relationship. Don’t let your MIL manipulate you / you do what you believe is right for your child.

YANBU.

When my DS was that age he was very, very poorly. We had to put in very similar restrictions to those around now and that you mention in your OP. We knew it wasn't ideal for anyone (us included!) but it was necessary, and ultimately our priority was his health and it wasn't anyone else's decision or business. DS is now six and has a wonderful bond with most of the family, in spite of there being very little close physical contact for c. 6 months. There are so many other ways for this to develop.

I had comments at the time and in the years since that we had prevented him forming bonds etc. They stung, but I know they're bullshit; those family members saying that are just bitter that they didn't get their own way.

As for their 'rights'..... Tell them to fuck off if they try and manipulate you that way.

Meant to add - you have to do whatever you feel is right by your child. Not by anyone else. So what if it turns out you don't need to be as strict - you'd much rather that than the opposite.

If you are in England the rule is that are still meant to SD.

We are still learning about this virus. At first there were many reports that children didn't get it, didn't spread it etc. Those reports are now changing.

Your MIL sounds like a right drama llama. Maybe point out to her that you are putting the health of your son, yourselves and her first?

Christ, that number of visits a week would send me over the edge. Time to put your foot down or you'll be at her beck and call forever.

My little niece was two months old when we went into lockdown and I have not held her since (my sister is very cautious). I have seen her through the patio doors and we FaceTime regularly. She absolutely knows who I am, her little face lights up with smiles when she sees me and she tries to touch me through the phone/glass. Our parents are dead so my relationship with my niece and nephew is really important to my sister and I.

I don't need to dribble all over my baby niece to build a bond. Your MIL is being a twat.

Shes a bit of a drama queen isnt she? I'd just do what you and DH think necessary and ignore the histrionics