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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teachers should cut the kids a little slack?

134 replies

Vinniepolis · 11/09/2020 23:18

DD9 has been away from school for 6 months and has been pretty miserable about it. She was soooo happy to go back this week. In English today, she didn’t quite understand what her (new) teacher had asked them to do so asked her to explain. “You obviously weren’t listening!” came the reply. In Maths, she didn’t finish the task in time because she realised she had made a mistake and started over. More words from the teacher about not paying attention, and lots of tears when she got home. She hates being in trouble at school. Maybe she wasn’t paying attention 100%, but AIBU to expect the teacher might cut them a bit of slack at the end of their first week back after 6 months away?

OP posts:
GoldfishParade · 11/09/2020 23:21

I'm sorry but she sounds a bit over sensitive to me, which she's allowed to be, but you're posting on here asking about it and... I just think this is life, you know?
A teacher tells you off for daydreaming.
You dont finish a task in time so you get pulled up on it.

I think words from a teacher shouldn't have her in tears.

Pipandmum · 11/09/2020 23:23

I dont think cutting them a bit of slack and speaking the way the teachers have to your child is the same thing. It's the teachers job to make sure your child understands, and all they are doing is shaming her so she won't ask for help again. That's bad teaching, full stop.

CrowBones · 11/09/2020 23:24

Our primary is running a "gentle" curriculum for the first two weeks without much in the way of real learning, to give them a chance to get used to being back in the school routine. It's a big change for them. No, YANBU.

RoseTintedAtuin · 11/09/2020 23:42

It cuts both ways though. The teachers are under immense pressure and many are struggling themselves. Perhaps you could discuss this with your daughter and explain that their reactions may be a bit OTT and her reaction may be overly sensitive and both are understandable right now.

Original poster
Vinniepolis · 11/09/2020 23:49

Thanks, yes I know she can be overly sensitive about things, but she isn’t being naughty deliberately. Concentration is not normally an issue with her but I can imagine it’s hard to get back into things. I work in quite a senior role and I can’t imagine, if a junior colleague asked me to explain something again, that I would say “well it’s obvious you weren’t paying attention”.

OP posts:
hippohector · 12/09/2020 00:14

In the nicest possible way op, that’s her version of events. The teacher’s version may be slightly different. I see it all the time.
But if that is exactly how it happened then yes, the teacher needs to show more patience

Herewefall · 12/09/2020 00:42

Have a quick word with the teacher or email about the impact of their words...some kids are sensitive and don’t need to be spoken to so abruptly to get the best results from them.

WorraLiberty · 12/09/2020 00:48

She wasn't in trouble though was she?

I think it's fine for teachers to point out when kids aren't paying attention.

I understand she's emotional after such a long time away from school but just give her a hug and reassure her.

That's your job as a parent. The teacher has a completely different job to do.

Time2change2 · 12/09/2020 00:49

I agree and feel the way about both my kids schools. They have also been out for 6 months and it’s a struggle getting back in. Speaking to the teacher is difficult now as it’s all notes and phone appointments which I hate. They are straight back in to strict timed times tables (new ones that they didn’t learn last year) and it has already stressed my DC out. I thought the first week would be a bit gentler tbh

happystone · 12/09/2020 00:53

She needs to toughen up. The teacher didn’t tell her off.

KlausIsMyProphet · 12/09/2020 07:05

Primary teacher myself.

I would email and say something like:

Hello!

Sorry to be emailing in so early, but DD has been a bit tearful coming home. I think she is finding the transition to Year 5 hard after so long out of formal education. We have had a chat about her resilience and as she has been so excited about returning, I'm hoping she will settle soon.

In the meantime, is there a strategy I can reinforce to her to help hold her focus or stamina for a task? Should I tell her to look at a specific place for the success criteria or modelled answer? Or a now and next board she can use?

Kind regards,

I always appreciate parents opening a dialogue with me in a 'how can we help' way, even when I know they probably want to say 'why the hell did you...' It's also much better for everyone to do this early on before parents eve etc so then in a week or so you can email again and say, just wanted to check in and see how DD is coping now? Has she been more focused?

For other posters about the gentler curriculum, I really wish that was the case for our school. Once again, schools are reading into the 'recovery' curriculum in many different ways. Some have gone down an art, PE and PSHE for two weeks route and others have gone down the 'we need to catch them up NOW' route.

Currently timetabled weekly to do 6.5 hours of Maths, 6 hours of Phonics/Spelling and Writing, 2.5 hours of Reading leaving less than 45 minutes for every other subject.

I hate it. And we are knackered. The kids are shattered. I binned off one phonics lesson this week just because they were so tired and we just did some mindfulness colouring. Might suffer the wrath of SLT and the consistency police if they find out but it's unsustainable for us all to work like that indefinitely.

VashtaNerada · 12/09/2020 07:14

Completely agree with @KlausIsMyProphet - I’d want to know if I’d made someone in my class that upset but wouldn’t appreciate criticism of my teaching methods right now! It’s a delicate tightrope at the moment between easing them back into school and reminding them what is acceptable in the classroom. I’m being fairly strict about calling out at the moment for example. I totally understand that the reason why it’s happening is because they’re used to just blurting out every thought that comes to mind, but I can’t teach with constant calling out so I’m being quite tough with it. The teacher is probably doing the same thing but in this instance has inadvertently really upset her. I’d want to know.

Hercwasonaroll · 12/09/2020 07:34

I'd want to know if I'd upset her.

However she may be over sensitive and reading more into a comment than was actually said. She may have been daydreaming so her version might not be the same as the teachers.

Original poster
Vinniepolis · 12/09/2020 07:39

Thanks for your comments. I hadn’t appreciated it might be tough for teachers and they might be feeling a bit stressed as well! I will email something gentle as you suggest, @KlausIsMyProphet.

OP posts:
Emeeno1 · 12/09/2020 07:41

My year 13 daughter is struggling too. They have been back three days and from next week have two weeks of exams to predict their grades for UCAS. The decision appears to be to act as if nothing has happened, educationally or emotionally, to them over the last six months. It is odd.

OverTheRubicon · 12/09/2020 07:41

Geez poor teachers.

The secondary teachers I know were all run ragged over lockdown trying to support remote learning and student welfare, often while also looking after their own children. No sooner have they returned than there are multiple daily threads on MN with parents ready to make complaints about things that even in the teenagers' own version were very minor.

Yes it's an adjustment for your daughter, but also for the whole class and a teacher who could well have had to return with concern about their own health or that of someone they lived with.

Give your dd a hug, have a fun relaxing weekend and let them all get on with it.

Potterpotterpotter · 12/09/2020 07:42

The teachers are adults and should act like it.
Telling a child that they obviously wasn’t listening when being asked a question is pretty shit. Not every child understands first time.
My daughter has dyslexia and finds English hard, id be pretty fuxked off with a teacher that had a shit attitude towards her when she’s asking for clarification.

I would be having words with the teacher/head about it. I don’t think you need to have a chat about resilience when a teacher shouldn’t be snapping at a poor child anyway.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/09/2020 07:46

Klaus
That is brilliant advice. My friend is a primary school teacher and she said the school will work far better with non judgmental parents, whereas criticism tends to lead to protectionism. Teachers will always take partial solutions to problems and issues better than direct complaints. The pressure must be massive right now on teachers.

Kidneybingo · 12/09/2020 07:51

@Emeeno1

My year 13 daughter is struggling too. They have been back three days and from next week have two weeks of exams to predict their grades for UCAS. The decision appears to be to act as if nothing has happened, educationally or emotionally, to them over the last six months. It is odd.
Not so odd. The UCAS deadline hasn't changed, so grades still need to be in within the next few weeks.
KlausIsMyProphet · 12/09/2020 08:10

@Potterpotterpotter

It's not about necessarily having the conversation with the child. Only the parent knows whether that is appropriate. What it's about is acknowledging to the teacher that there may be more to the story than just what you've heard at home and also showing willing to work together for the best interests of the child.

Guarantee that going on the attack and going to the headteacher will not be well received. The headteachers have far more pressing matters at the moment.

The most satisfying result for all involved will be by approaching the problem with an open mind.

Emeeno1 · 12/09/2020 08:11

I did not mean that the doing the exams was odd, I meant that the idea of acting as if nothing had happened was odd.

notwhattheydo · 12/09/2020 08:13

I can’t honestly say I was “run ragged” over lockdown. I think different schools did things differently. But it has been hard for everyone going back.

Generally speaking it’s a good idea for DD to know that some people are a bit mean, short tempered and prone to being irritable, and this is nothing to do with her and she shouldn’t take it personally.

ballsdeep · 12/09/2020 08:13

@CrowBones

Our primary is running a "gentle" curriculum for the first two weeks without much in the way of real learning, to give them a chance to get used to being back in the school routine. It's a big change for them. No, YANBU.
Lucky you. I haven't hear of any schools doing a gentle curriculum! We are in full swing of a tight recovery curriculum!
ballsdeep · 12/09/2020 08:17

And our recovery curriculum is phonics, maths and English ALL day.

Enoughnowstop · 12/09/2020 08:17

We have just started the most difficult school year most of us will professionally ever encounter. We are stressed to fuck, not to put too fine a point on it. Some of us were very recently shielding, some are vulnerable, others live with people who are vulnerable. There is no social distancing and the bubbles are just some kind of sticking plaster stuck across a limb broken in 15 places. It’s like playing a massive game of Russian roulette.

We are doing our beat but if we are tetchy, well, it’s not surprising. Maybe cut us some slack, eh?

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