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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teachers should cut the kids a little slack?

134 replies

Vinniepolis · 11/09/2020 23:18

DD9 has been away from school for 6 months and has been pretty miserable about it. She was soooo happy to go back this week. In English today, she didn’t quite understand what her (new) teacher had asked them to do so asked her to explain. “You obviously weren’t listening!” came the reply. In Maths, she didn’t finish the task in time because she realised she had made a mistake and started over. More words from the teacher about not paying attention, and lots of tears when she got home. She hates being in trouble at school. Maybe she wasn’t paying attention 100%, but AIBU to expect the teacher might cut them a bit of slack at the end of their first week back after 6 months away?

OP posts:
year5teacher · 12/09/2020 20:49

It’s annoying when you explain a whole thing, write the instructions in a step by step list on two boards and then ask if everyone understands and they all say yes, then two minutes later someone puts their hand up and says “what are we doing?”

I have definitely said “you must make sure you’re listening when I give the instructions” in those situations and I think that’s totally fair. However if a child doesn’t UNDERSTAND - that’s different. I can explain something until I am blue in the face and the kid might still not get it. I’ve never understood teachers thinking the only reason a child might not understand is because they weren’t listening.

UndertheCedartree · 12/09/2020 20:53

It is hard for our DC to get used to everything. My DD was in tears after watching her school video about all the changes and was so nervous. Her school has been great. They are spending the first 2 weeks settling the DC back into school and the new routunes. Her first week has been full of art, music, scavenger hunts, P.E, talking about worries and using mindfulness to help, lots of playtime learning 'socially distanced' games. It is a stressful time for the DC and yes they should be cut some slack. I know once academic work resumes it is going to take time for the class to get used to the teacher staying 2m away at the front when they usually walk around interacting. Hope your DD is ok Flowers

Downton57 · 12/09/2020 21:12

Oh, my god. The schools are back and the nonsense has started already. None of the teachers have said not to believe the child .They've suggested the OP should contact the teacher. And @Enoughnowstop it sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Take care of yourself. Ignore that awful comment.

KeepSmiling89 · 12/09/2020 21:16

Haven't read everyone's replies here but the English teachers reply was a bit harsh. If I were a teacher I'd rather my student ask for clarification than do the task incorrectly.

Downton57 · 12/09/2020 21:36

"If I were a teacher' is crucial here @keepsmiling89. You weren't in the room. And if you were a teacher you'd be aware that requests for clarification can be made for a variety of reasons, on a scale from genuine lack of understanding to occasional pure insolence. There isn't just 'my student'...there are 20/ 30 of them.

ShawshanksRedemption · 12/09/2020 21:52

This could be me. My new class are very chatty, lots of calling out when I'm doing the input part of the lesson, then some having their own conversations about irrelevant stuff (eg TikTok). It's taking a lot of time for me to resettle them and get back to listening to the input again. I then leave instructions on the board and I get a few people shout out they don't know what they're doing. I get everyones to stop chatting (again) and repeat the instructions. Most start work and then I still get another 2 or 3 saying they don't know what they're doing. One of them may well have spent some time fiddling with their water bottle/pencil/ruler rather than pay attention to me. (I would've got their attention and asked them to focus and put away whatever was distracting them.) At that point, yes I do get fed up. Some kids have no awareness that they are in a class and do want to be treated like they're the only child there and receive personal instruction. It's just so rude!

I know the ones that need support, I've been briefed by their previous teacher. Those are the ones I want to check in on to see if they're OK, not those kids who are rude and don't listen the first or second time, or read the instructions on the board.

@Vinniepolis I'm not saying your DD is one of the rude ones, I just wanted to share my experience of how frustrated I feel by those that choose not to listen, rather than those that struggle to and need my help.

KeepSmiling89 · 12/09/2020 21:53

@Downton57 true I wasn't in the room so don't have the full picture but as a Speech & Language Therapist this is advice I suggest to many parents/teachers and students. Yes there are 20/30 other students but they are still the teacher's students at the end of the day therefore if I were the teacher they would be MY 20/30 students for that hour or so.

Just my opinion though.

angstridden2 · 12/09/2020 22:05

Can’t believe the endless discussions and links to child abuse on such a minor incident.Child is or is not listening, doesn’t know what to do. teacher not pleased at having to repeat information which majority of class have taken on board.Alternative version, child was paying attention but truly doesn’t get it and teacher is a bit sharp. Either way world doesn’t end.Who as a parent hasn’t got a bit annoyed with their child, now multiply by 30.

Downton57 · 12/09/2020 22:06

No you're right. Teachers should have endless patience, and some saintly souls do. And of course, no teacher wants to get to the end of a lesson and realise a child clearly hasn't understood. This is even more crucial now, because teachers can't walk round and give individual support and explanations. But lovely as children are, they can be bloody hard work en masse and I'm just pointing out that the teacher will have her own perspective on what happened in the lesson to which the OP. The best thing for the OP to do if she is really concerned is to contact the teacher, not make a general swipe at teachers on Mumsnet.

Herewefall · 12/09/2020 22:13

@Downton57

No you're right. Teachers should have endless patience, and some saintly souls do. And of course, no teacher wants to get to the end of a lesson and realise a child clearly hasn't understood. This is even more crucial now, because teachers can't walk round and give individual support and explanations. But lovely as children are, they can be bloody hard work en masse and I'm just pointing out that the teacher will have her own perspective on what happened in the lesson to which the OP. The best thing for the OP to do if she is really concerned is to contact the teacher, not make a general swipe at teachers on Mumsnet.
Wouldn't it be great if teachers actually aimed to not shout or snap at a child - I get that they aren't saints but ffs at least try to be bloody civil.

And why shouldn't the OP complain on MN - she is seeking support from fellow parents - which is what this site is all about - stop trying to shut down conversations that don't suit you! Don't open a thread of you think it'll upset you, you're not in charge here!😂

notwhattheydo · 12/09/2020 22:19

Well enoughnowstop has an 85 yo mother and a dead mother so I’m taking her claims with a pinch of salt.

Downton57 · 12/09/2020 22:28

@herewefall Thanks for the advice. There was me thinking I was in charge. Incidentally, Op didn't say anywhere that the teacher shouted or snapped and I wasn't speaking about that kind of behaviour either. That kind of 'support from fellow parents'' is deeply unhelpful, as is extrapolating one incident involving one teacher and one child into a swipe at all teachers. .

likeafishneedsabike · 12/09/2020 22:42

I mean this kindly, but she probably wasn’t listening (unless there are SEN needs?) The teacher’s doing her a favour as if she doesn’t listen then it’s going to be tough: teachers can’t support students in the normal way with close book monitoring, live marking and individual check ins. It’s very much deliver from the front, question to elicit ideas/correct misconceptions and then get on with the task. Not ideal educationally, but necessary from a health point of view unfortunately.

Hercwasonaroll · 12/09/2020 22:42

Wouldn't it be great if teachers actually aimed to not shout or snap at a child - I get that they aren't saints but ffs at least try to be bloody civil.

Yes all teachers set out every day with the same goal; to snap at as many children as possible and if they get a shout in that's worth bonus points. Hmm

Herewefall · 12/09/2020 23:28

@Hercwasonaroll

Wouldn't it be great if teachers actually aimed to not shout or snap at a child - I get that they aren't saints but ffs at least try to be bloody civil.

Yes all teachers set out every day with the same goal; to snap at as many children as possible and if they get a shout in that's worth bonus points. Hmm

You teachers do come across that way at times!
Iamnotthe1 · 12/09/2020 23:58

@Herewefall

Based on what?

Momo2403 · 13/09/2020 00:43

This site is never happy. Kids go back to school, teachers are crap, kids at home, teachers are crap! 😂😂

Hercwasonaroll · 13/09/2020 06:27

You teachers do come across that way at times!

One homogeneous group us teachers Hmm

CostaCosta · 13/09/2020 07:04

I found it easier to teach my ds that teachers can get flustered too and sometimes they say things they don't mean, just because they have 29 other children to help/deal with.

Coromanda · 13/09/2020 08:13

I was at school in the 70s and 80s and a teacher saying this would have been par for the course and no one would have thought anything of it or told their parents, but i realise from the responses i must be hopelessly out of touch!

1AngelicFruitCake · 13/09/2020 08:26

You know your child and maybe the teacher was harsh but maybe it was exaggerated by your child (because that’s how it felt to them) or they weren’t listening. As a teacher you are so vulnerable to children passing on their version of events, with little ability to defend yourself.

Herewefall · 13/09/2020 08:36

@1AngelicFruitCake

You know your child and maybe the teacher was harsh but maybe it was exaggerated by your child (because that’s how it felt to them) or they weren’t listening. As a teacher you are so vulnerable to children passing on their version of events, with little ability to defend yourself.
As a parent I always felt the complete opposite - teachers were able to tell you your child was making it up or misunderstood the situation - you have no come back.
TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 13/09/2020 08:52

Hercwasonaroll: Who said anything about snapping?

notwhattheydo: The op!

Hercwasonaroll: I can't find any reference to snapping in the OP or any of their subsequent posts.

notwhattheydo: I think it is very snappy to tell a child they should have been listening when they ask for help.

Also notwhattheydo:

Maybe it isn’t, but I’m responding to the info in the OP and not projecting my own beliefs onto it

Knackered teacher here after the first week back - thank you, notwhattheydo, for giving me a proper laugh out loud moment with your oh-so-earnest sanctimonious hypocrisy.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 13/09/2020 08:56

@Coromanda

I was at school in the 70s and 80s and a teacher saying this would have been par for the course and no one would have thought anything of it or told their parents, but i realise from the responses i must be hopelessly out of touch!
The Darryl Cage cartoon sums it up nicely.
Teachers should cut the kids a little slack?
notwhattheydo · 13/09/2020 09:07

Glad I caused you some amusement onlyliving.