Teachers should cut the kids a little slack?

[Vinniepolis]

DD9 has been away from school for 6 months and has been pretty miserable about it. She was soooo happy to go back this week. In English today, she didn’t quite understand what her (new) teacher had asked them to do so asked her to explain. “You obviously weren’t listening!” came the reply. In Maths, she didn’t finish the task in time because she realised she had made a mistake and started over. More words from the teacher about not paying attention, and lots of tears when she got home. She hates being in trouble at school. Maybe she wasn’t paying attention 100%, but AIBU to expect the teacher might cut them a bit of slack at the end of their first week back after 6 months away?

@Enoughnowstop

We have just started the most difficult school year most of us will professionally ever encounter. We are stressed to fuck, not to put too fine a point on it. Some of us were very recently shielding, some are vulnerable, others live with people who are vulnerable. There is no social distancing and the bubbles are just some kind of sticking plaster stuck across a limb broken in 15 places. It’s like playing a massive game of Russian roulette.

We are doing our beat but if we are tetchy, well, it’s not surprising. Maybe cut us some slack, eh?

Oh come on, grow up a bit, maybe? You’re not 5

I had a pupil write a letter to my head of department because I had said,"I get paid the same whether you pass or not"

I had said it, I am not proud of it BUT what she left out was she had talked over my explanation, then said she didn't understand, I went through the entire thing again with her chatting to her friend and then she demanded I explain again, I said 'no' I've explained it twice, everyone else is getting on with the task.

I was told it was my job to get her to pass which is when I made the statement about my pay.

Give the teachers a bit of slack. They have not been out of school for months, most will have spent their holiday working to get the school ready.

Also is her new teacher new to the school? In that case, "Do not smile until Xmas" probably applies.

I'm a teacher myself and have no time for teachers who don't seem to be able to do their job without being rude or unkind. There really isn't any need for it. If your child could muster the courage, it would be interesting to see what the teacher would say if she spoke to him/her after class and said "I was really upset when I was doing my best and you told me off. I just wanted help". Hopefully would make any decent teacher shame faced.

@ballsdeep Lordy, it's almost like your head teacher has never studied any child development. What a stupid plan.

Oh come on, grow up a bit, maybe? You’re not 5

No. But I need to pay my bills which means working against consultant’s advice and worrying about the impact of it all on my 85 year old mother and my type 1 daughter. I don’t need to fucking grow up - I am doing my job to the best of my abilities in a difficult climate. But there’s always those who find reason to moan, eh?

So do you think any of those things give you the right to take it out on a 9 year old?

Do you also take it out on your headteacher, snapping? Do you snap at bus drivers and train drivers and retail staff? Or is your loss of control a bit more calculated than that?

Because if it was purely about the stress then it would happen everywhere. It only seems to happen to defenceless kids, though.

I have an absolute right to be stressed and upset and worried about the impact of all of this on my family. And that includes being irritated that a child can’t be bothered to listen and follow simple instructions. I particularly reserve the right to be irritated and raise my voice after I have said the same thing 15 times and said child is still not doing what has been asked.

And yes, I have snapped at our head this week. She snapped at us as she considered we were standing too close whilst discussing how we were moving forwards with our lessons. Colleague and I were both stood on a ‘keep your distance’ floor sticker and as such, were the designated space apart. Being an adult, she apologised and as adults, we accepted, and everyone moved on.

So you do take your bad mood out on everybody you encounter?

Retail staff?

Public transport?

The elderly lady in front of you at the queue in the Co-Op?

I’m not saying you don’t have the right to be stressed. I’m wondering just who falls foul of your sharp tongue.

I'm a Year 2 teacher. We are doing a recovery curriculum. Trying to keep sessions short with lots of breaks, keeping writing to short sentences focussed on sounding out. Lots of phonics and reading practice but also some geography, PE, PSHE. Maths we have to do a full session as we are catching up on some of the Year 1 bits that are missed.

Unfortunately the government, in its wisdom, has decided that SATS and assessment for the end of KS1 will happen to the usual timetable and with the same assessment framework as usual so the pressure will be on me to get the usual proportion of pupils to the expected level, or I fail my performance management.

notwhattheydo your tongue is also sounding pretty sharp from where I'm sitting.

I hope you're OK enoughnowstop. It sounds like you have more than most on your plate.

I'm sure we all had teachers who occasionally snapped and said something that came out a bit harsh. I know I did. Nobody died and I learned that they were human beings with human emotions. I think anyone who can get through an entire week in a classroom in a sublime state of patience and tolerance must built of remarkable stuff.

I suppose it’s possible that the teacher actually knew she hadn’t been saying attention....or unlike me, does everyone who complains on mumsnet have perfect children who never do anything wrong and whose version of events is always entirely accurate?

I get quite sharp around bullies.

So you do take your bad mood out on everybody you encounter?Retail staff?Public transport?The elderly lady in front of you at the queue in the Co-Op?I’m not saying you don’t have the right to be stressed. I’m wondering just who falls foul of your sharp tongue

I drive. I don’t go into shops. My shopping and prescriptions are delivered. Did you miss the bit about vulnerabilities? You proved that point. Yes, I have an absolute right to be stressed. If I ask a child to turn round 15 times nicely, what exactly do you think it’s going to take to make them listen? More being nice?

Threads like this make me so grateful for the primary school my kids are at. I HATED primary school and so many of these replies - that the 9 year old should "toughen up" and the general disbelief that a child's version of events could possibly be true - remind me exactly how damaging a bad teacher and bad schools can be.
Our school is easing the children back in gently - seems very sensible at primary age and far easier on the teachers as well as the students. They aim to be back to normal curriculum by summer term and are doing lots of mindfulness etc and shorter learning sessions that normal.

I’m just wondering if you take your stress out on everyone, or just children?

Our recovery programme has left us all absolutely bloody exhausted after just the 1st week! (We did 'gentle' for 3 days then straight on it!)

SO much to cram in, to catch them up, let alone move them on. It's one jam-packed, mini lesson after another - clock watching constantly - no room for ANY deviation or 'breathing room' - definitely not sustainable for the kids OR us - I've never felt this drained after the 1st week of a new term...or any week, come to that!

There are so many different scenarios that this could be. Firstly, even if the words were quoted back verbatim and were not an interpretation or recall of the feeling of the words, we have no idea how they were actually said or whether said child had been listening.

However, and a genuine question here, how do people believe that children learn what to do or not do? How do you think they become able to better focus and make more effective progress? These things don't happen naturally. If a child has shown that he or she is not concentrating, this needs to be dealt with and the expectations made clear otherwise he or she will continue to be like that across the year. It doesn't have to be done in a mean way (and I'm not entirely convinced that this was - it could just be a case of first week back nerves and over-sensitivity) but it does need dealing with.

Sometimes, it's like people on here think that children just naturally learn how to focus, listen, speak correctly, make good choices, be better friends, etc.

Teacher may have been a bit sharp here, however, if she is new she probably feels she needs to be in order to be established. If she lets kids off with low level disruption now this is more likely to escalate later on. I think you should try to teach your dd about resilience. She felt upset but she kept going, great! Recognize that she felt bad and help her to know that this feeling won’t last too long and it is normal to feel like that. There are so many challenges this year that no one will get it 100 % right and imo, resilience is key, both now and in the future when your dd is a teen.

@MinnieMousse

I'm a Year 2 teacher. We are doing a recovery curriculum. Trying to keep sessions short with lots of breaks, keeping writing to short sentences focussed on sounding out. Lots of phonics and reading practice but also some geography, PE, PSHE. Maths we have to do a full session as we are catching up on some of the Year 1 bits that are missed.

Unfortunately the government, in its wisdom, has decided that SATS and assessment for the end of KS1 will happen to the usual timetable and with the same assessment framework as usual so the pressure will be on me to get the usual proportion of pupils to the expected level, or I fail my performance management.

It's so shit. I am so glad I moved out of Year 2 this year. Phonics tests and SATS. Utter madness for tiny children... Good luck

Gentle curriculums still need expectations.

It's one jam-packed, mini lesson after another - clock watching constantly - no room for ANY deviation or 'breathing room' - definitely not sustainable for the kids OR us - I've never felt this drained after the 1st week of a new term...or any week, come to that!

Same here. I packed it in on Wednesday and now we're back to normal. That's what the kids respond to anyway.

KlausIsMyProphet
I like your suggestions.
It's much better for parents to raise concerns constructively instead of taking the needlessly adversarial approach.

Yes, the OP's child probably does need to toughen up a bit if being told to focus and pay attention is enough to get her that upset, but now really isn't the time for tough love.

@sashh

I had a pupil write a letter to my head of department because I had said,"I get paid the same whether you pass or not"

I had said it, I am not proud of it BUT what she left out was she had talked over my explanation, then said she didn't understand, I went through the entire thing again with her chatting to her friend and then she demanded I explain again, I said 'no' I've explained it twice, everyone else is getting on with the task.

I was told it was my job to get her to pass which is when I made the statement about my pay.

Give the teachers a bit of slack. They have not been out of school for months, most will have spent their holiday working to get the school ready.

Also is her new teacher new to the school? In that case, "Do not smile until Xmas" probably applies.

How was it handled by your Head?

I could not be dealing with other people's bratty teenagers. Covid or not.

In your position 'vulnerable with vulnerable Mum & DD) id have resigned & started tutoring. I think there's going to be plenty if demand!!

@sashh

Ooops just realised I mixed you and another poster up!

But still stands about bratty/entitled teenagers!!

& still interested to know how your Head dealt with it

@ohthegoats

Gentle curriculums still need expectations.

I don't think it's unreasonable to hope that the expectations, at primary school in particular, might be slightly lower in the first couple of weeks. Equally, I'm not suggesting OP should complain; it would take an awful lot to make me complain to or about a teacher, I think they do a sterling job (and one at which I proved woefully inadequate standing in for over the last 6 months!).