Teachers should cut the kids a little slack?

[Vinniepolis]

DD9 has been away from school for 6 months and has been pretty miserable about it. She was soooo happy to go back this week. In English today, she didn’t quite understand what her (new) teacher had asked them to do so asked her to explain. “You obviously weren’t listening!” came the reply. In Maths, she didn’t finish the task in time because she realised she had made a mistake and started over. More words from the teacher about not paying attention, and lots of tears when she got home. She hates being in trouble at school. Maybe she wasn’t paying attention 100%, but AIBU to expect the teacher might cut them a bit of slack at the end of their first week back after 6 months away?

@MissBPotter

Teacher may have been a bit sharp here, however, if she is new she probably feels she needs to be in order to be established. If she lets kids off with low level disruption now this is more likely to escalate later on. I think you should try to teach your dd about resilience. She felt upset but she kept going, great! Recognize that she felt bad and help her to know that this feeling won’t last too long and it is normal to feel like that. There are so many challenges this year that no one will get it 100 % right and imo, resilience is key, both now and in the future when your dd is a teen.

Asking for help when you don't understand is not low level disruption.

The child is just back at school, has a new teacher. Perhaps she wasn't listening properly or perhaps the teacher didn't explain in a way the child understood. Asking for help us better than sitting there quietly not knowing what to do - she shouldn't be made to feel bad asking a teacher to explain.

@MJMG2015 I don’t disagree with you but my point about resilience still stands. That’s the thing to spend energy on rather than writing a post on here.

I don't see that sending an email or phoning the teacher has to be a complaint. I have had to speak to teachers about their approach upsetting my kids - I never blamed the teacher, I just let them know how my dcs reacted to it. Teacher's responded positively and actually welcomed me letting them know because they genuinely did not wish to cause upset - if you are not their voice at primary who is?

Enoughnowstop You do not sound like you are in a good place, are you sure you should be teaching?

[quote MissBPotter]@MJMG2015 I don’t disagree with you but my point about resilience still stands. That’s the thing to spend energy on rather than writing a post on here.[/quote]
She was resilient. She didn't sob at the teacher.

Teaching a child to put up & shut up re unreasonable behaviour translates into accepting shit relationships trying to appease partners.

Yep. NO.

She got on with it at school, then told her mum. Nothing wrong with the child's behaviour.

I’m just wondering if you take your stress out on everyone, or just children?

Having an expectation that children follow instructions the first, not the 15th, time is not taking out stresses on anyone. The job demands that we have high expectations of children and their behaviour at all times otherwise we wouldn’t be able to actually educate. Reminding children of those expectations - sharply if necessary - is a far cry from ‘taking it out’ on anyone. We are human beings, like anyone else. Next time your instructions are ignored 15 times, see how you react.

Asking for help us better than sitting there quietly not knowing what to do - she shouldn't be made to feel bad asking a teacher to explain.

In most cases.

However if you're asking for help after being obviously not listening, and then chat to your mates for a bit, and then eventually ask for help when it becomes apparent you might get into trouble for doing no work. That is taking the piss. I've had students level the "I was only asking for help" claim at me, when they didn't listen the first or second time, and are now only asking to try and get out of trouble.

(I'm not saying this is what OPs DD did)

@Enoughnowstop

I’m just wondering if you take your stress out on everyone, or just children?

Having an expectation that children follow instructions the first, not the 15th, time is not taking out stresses on anyone. The job demands that we have high expectations of children and their behaviour at all times otherwise we wouldn’t be able to actually educate. Reminding children of those expectations - sharply if necessary - is a far cry from ‘taking it out’ on anyone. We are human beings, like anyone else. Next time your instructions are ignored 15 times, see how you react.

I think if you were reacting like that to an adult - you wouldn't have a job!

@Enoughnowstop

I’m just wondering if you take your stress out on everyone, or just children?

Having an expectation that children follow instructions the first, not the 15th, time is not taking out stresses on anyone. The job demands that we have high expectations of children and their behaviour at all times otherwise we wouldn’t be able to actually educate. Reminding children of those expectations - sharply if necessary - is a far cry from ‘taking it out’ on anyone. We are human beings, like anyone else. Next time your instructions are ignored 15 times, see how you react.

But this morning, you said:

We are stressed to fuck ... If we are tetchy, well, it’s not surprising

By the way, I am a teacher.

Another dopey and goady thread whose title generalises about all teachers from their child's version of what happened. Before contacting the teacher to find out what happened.

@Vinniepolis

Thanks, yes I know she can be overly sensitive about things, but she isn’t being naughty deliberately. Concentration is not normally an issue with her but I can imagine it’s hard to get back into things. I work in quite a senior role and I can’t imagine, if a junior colleague asked me to explain something again, that I would say “well it’s obvious you weren’t paying attention”.

But if that junior colleague was chatting/swinging on their chair/ looking out the window/ poking through their pencil case I expect you’d be less sympathetic.

Then you politely instruct them to stop swinging on their chair and request they listen.

Think my kids' school teachers ARE cutting more slack than normal. I have one going into the year group the other's just left with the same teacher - so I know how stern she was in September last year (she's a huge softie actually) and she's being a lot more gentle and supportive this year with the new class... although the last class were, in teacher terms, "lively" and this lot are so well behaved it's spooky!

I'm mildly narked at some things going on in school at the moment (DD's SEN provision hasn't transferred across at all - which I think I'm justified in being mildly irked and biding my time a bit) but the staff are really doing a good job of supporting the kids amid the Head's ridiculous rules and both of mine are very happy going into school at present. Considering the youngest has had to transition into an entirely separate juniors with no transition preparation - they've done the best they can.

@notwhattheydo

I get quite sharp around bullies.

You seem to be the one doing the bullying here. Persistent and repeated picking on someone, telling them to grow up when they say they are stressed, picking up on everything they say? That is bullying.

I have a child that genuinely struggles with sequencing and processing instructions and I'd be really cross if school didn't take that into consideration and support her (and DD is a child that is so desperate to do the right thing that she'd be mortified if she felt she was being "told off" as she genuinely does listen and try really hard but it gets a bit muddled between ears and execution - and we've spent so long working on her asking for help rather than just floating around oblivious) so I would be checking what was going on if she came back saying something like that though - not confrontationally but just checking I'd got the story straight.

@notwhattheydo

Then you politely instruct them to stop swinging on their chair and request they listen.

And it is that simple isn’t it.

I work in education and I hate snippy teachers - I always try and use a nicer approach. But she does sound over sensitive.

Someone who is stressed justifies taking that stress out on the people they are paid to educate, and I am the bully? I don’t think so, Flamingo.

These are strange times. I would fight any teachers corner if they felt their lessons weren’t as good as usual. I would fight any child’s corner if they forgot homework, pens and so on. But the thing we should not excuse is the sort of bullying behaviour the OP describes. Snapping and biting at people, throwing weight around, sarcasm, meanness. It isn’t acceptable child to adult and it isn’t acceptable the other way around either. If someone’s stress levels are such they can’t get through the day without taking it out on others that’s a shame but it is still unacceptable behaviour.

Yes, tbh flamingo, it is.

@Enoughnowstop - you sound like a horrendous and frankly vile teacher. Yes you are human but you are an adult. Act like it. You don’t get to take your frustrations out on children because you have had to come out of shielding and you are ‘stressed to fuck’.

@notwhattheydo

Yes, tbh flamingo, it is.

Are you a teacher?

@notwhattheydo

Then you politely instruct them to stop swinging on their chair and request they listen.

Or do what a teacher in my dc's first school did - took the chair off them and made them kneel all afternoon!

I’ve already said that I am a teacher.

Why, do you think snapping and using sarcasm is an effective way of managing students’ concentration levels? It isn’t.

@notwhattheydo

I’ve already said that I am a teacher.

Why, do you think snapping and using sarcasm is an effective way of managing students’ concentration levels? It isn’t.

I didn’t say that snapping and sarcasm is the answer but I do know that asking a pupil to stop swinging on their chair etc doesn’t always mean that they do.

It's not about taking frustrations out on anyone. That shouldn't happen in any workplace (although I recognise that it does occasionally).

If a child has not listened to the input or instructions then that needs to be addressed. If it is left then it will lead to a lot more wasted learning time in the future, both for the child and for the rest of the class. However, there is a huge difference between saying:
"I expect you to listen to the instructions when I'm saying them, now what didn't you understand?"
And
"Well of course you don't get it because you never bothered to listen, did you?"

We do not know which version it was nor will we ever know. Either version could potentially upset a child depending on their individual level of sensitivity, how nervous they feel about a perception of being 'in trouble' and how eager they are to make a positive impression.

Quite. Or (more usual IME) they comply then seconds later are doing it again. It is irritating. It’s also totally normal.

Children are annoying. They pester, need endless reminders to follow a simple instruction, they forget things, they lose focus. There are ways to manage this.

There is also nothing in the OP indicating her DD was like this. But people have made assumptions. That’s a shame. IME, most kids behave most of the time.