AIBU to think my sister is being an idiot?

[Rainbowsandpotsofgold]

Ok so my darling sister (29) is pregnant with her 1st baby after trying for 2 years. Shes decided she wants an elective c section ...no medical reason...she does suffer with fibromyalgia but so do me and my mum (2 natural births each).

Shes made this decision based on
A) She's afraid of a long labour ( I was 15 having my eldest while living at home, was in slow labour for 5 days and 17hours active labour but my daughter was born stargazing which wasnt picked up until she was coming out)
B) She doesn't want to tear ( no idea where this fear has come from 🤷‍♀️)

My argument is that...

1. Recovery from surgery can take longer for fibro sufferers
2. Anaesthetic/ epidurals don't work as well on us either
3. She lives 30 miles away from us, near her husband's family and knowing my sister, she will expect us ( our mum at least) to be there every day ( mum has fibro, ms and 2 Foster kids of school age plus my elderly grandparents who we both care for)
4. With all the uncertainty regarding covid, she will possibly be in hospital alone for a few days after the birth
5. After trying for so long I dont understand why she wouldn't at least want to try a natural birth?

She's a nightmare to try and talk to and once she's made a decision (even bad ones) she wont change her mind (typically baby of the family syndrome - brat)

Just to add...I will be showing her the replies as she is refusing to listen to me, my mum or my gran (who has had a natural birth and a c section...50 years ago but I dont think the basics have changed)

AIBU to think shes being an utter idiot in thinking a c section is the 'easiest' (her words) option?

What the hell? Are you being serious!? You sound incredibly possessive. Let her make her own decisions.
You’re so passionately against other people having C-Sections and yet you’ve never even had one! How exactly is she being stupid? A planned caesarian is one of the safest ways to deliver.

To be fair, when we were growing up idiot was used with a huge pinch of salt.....forgot your purse..you bloody idiot...smashed plate..alright that was usually you bloody knobhead.....never meant with any malice....it just was....

It's not really your business.

I've had both. I was a lot more comfortable after my c section than I was my VB. The recovery was much easier and given the choice I would choose a section in future.

I haven't RTFT but you need to back off and wind your neck in OP

I speak as someone who has Fibro - IME, recovery doesn't take longer. And I can assure you that recovery from a vaginal birth can massively impact a fibro sufferer, I've had 2 and I haven't been the same since. A CS may have helped me but I was diagnosed after my youngest DC was born.

Yes, a CS is major surgery but it may well be the lesser of two evils. Not your birth - not your choice

@Rainbowsandpotsofgold

That's my biggest worry....I had an epidural on my 1st and it failed...it takes 3 bloody lots of anaesthetic at the dentist for any effect. I understand not everyone has the same reaction but from what I've read it seems a common side effect for fibromyalgia. My sister hasn't had any anesthetic since she was a child and it seems alot of Drs dont understand or dont believe it to be a problem

What if she goes for a vaginal birth but asks for an epidural?

You seem to have a lot to say about how she should give birth,what pain killers should she use use etc. It's not your body. It's not your birth. It's that simple.

If things go tits up, they go tits up. It happens regardless of what way you chose to give birth.

If it doesn't,happy days.

I've had a relatively straightforward VB (post induction) and a C-section for sound medical reasons.

Very little to choose from in terms of recovery; the pain from the incision was far less than the pain of the small tear when I tried to pee.

Either way, yabvu. Your vote on birth options ended the minute you birthed your last child.

This is the first of many decisions that she is going to have to make - both before and after the birth of her child. You may feel that you know better because you have more experience from your own life, but you have to give her the respect of allowing her to make these decisions on her own.

Where I agree with your opinion and it wouldn’t be my choice either (4 births no tears) she will have gained her fears from somewhere.

Women are terrible for saying all the gory details to each other and brushing over the good parts.

I would suggest she contacts the Birth Boss group on Facebook. It’s a free group and there’s also a subscription you can sign up to for more tailored independent advice (Which I would recommend she did to head on tackle her fears). I can not recommend it enough.

I had two long and painful labours due to stress and anxieties around labour, I built up quite a phobia of it and so was terrified when I accidentally got pregnant with my third. Due to the amazing midwife at the birth boss I overcame this and had two amazing empowering births, that were stress free (I used hypnobirthing) and needed no pain relief whatsoever.

Where have I said I'm against c sections??. I dont recall posting that.....l dont UNDERSTAND un reasearched, rash decisions...as I've explained her decision was made without ANY medical advice

I'm somebody's baby sister and omg what a pain in the arse...constantly being advised and told what to do...I'm a grown woman ffs, educated and well travelled...just unbearable...it is her your sister and her husband to decide in what way they will welcome their child into the world.

Back the hell off OP and I mean that kindly.

You haven’t said you are against cs’s. Just very against hers

Does she need to do masses of research though if she’d rather not have a baby than have a vaginal birth? It might be the only option, mentally, for her so she already knows what she wants and as it’s a perfectly safe and very normal method of delivery she probably doesn’t need to do a training course on it before you ok her choice

Stop getting your mum and nan to gang up on her too, hospitals have changed in 50 years btw.

Equally there’s plenty of time to change her mind. I think you are piling on a lot of pressure which will create more resistance.

Op. You’re missing the point

It’s not your decision. You are not the birthing guru. It is her choice. Her body. Her baby.

Back rhe hell off and respect her,

What the actual fuxk?? Regardless of what anyone in this thread might think ....I believe her choice is her choice....I want her to make a FULLY INFORMED decision....she's currently 16 weeks pregnant and hasn't discussed this with her midwife

@shmithecat2 not natural? So the baby isn't being born from our bodies?
I'm sick of this attitude to caesareans that has persisted over the decades since my own (wasn't interested prior so no idea of battles fought prior to 23 years ago): not natural, not real mothers, didn't feel a certain pain so our pain isn't authentic to the experience of becoming a mother?
It's absurd and insulting. A scalpel to the belly is less natural than a scalpel to the perineum during vaginal birth?
A caesarean birth is a birth. It's natural.
Let's get it right, there's a certain amount of jealousy that our genital region isn't ripped up.

She has already made up her mind with the information that was available to her she cannot be forced to explore Any further if she does not wish this

@Rainbowsandpotsofgold

What the actual fuxk?? Regardless of what anyone in this thread might think ....I believe her choice is her choice....I want her to make a FULLY INFORMED decision....she's currently 16 weeks pregnant and hasn't discussed this with her midwife

Even more reason for you to back the fuck off..

I genuinely didnt expect the level of judgemnetal abuse everyone seems to throwing my way

Bet your sisters saying the same thing about you.

So? Why are you in utter outrage about that? Lots of pregnant women are out there doing the exact same thing as your sister right now, and don’t have everyone in their family being outraged at their decisions, and having several family members tell them they are wrong. Think about that. Support her properly.

I know it's not my decision....would you let your sister/ friend whatever make the same decision without considering it for longer than a couple of hours and without listening to other 1st hand experiences....its not like picking up paint test pots

I want her to make a FULLY INFORMED decision

Tough. It’s nothing to do with you. You are not in charge of her, she is. Her body, her choice, you are irrelevant.

Her birth, her choice. My c section was incredible, very calm, controlled & really special - a little discomfort afterwards, but nothing compared to my friends who encountered tears & prolapses. The worst thing I experienced in the lead up was other people patronising me with their views & what they thought was best for me. Obviously a c section is hard for some people, but it can be a very positive experience.

I let people do what they like with their vaginas

Absolutely she should do tons of research! The more she understands the less scared of the process she’ll be!

I dont think I used the word outraged? 🤔