AIBU to think my sister is being an idiot?

[Rainbowsandpotsofgold]

Ok so my darling sister (29) is pregnant with her 1st baby after trying for 2 years. Shes decided she wants an elective c section ...no medical reason...she does suffer with fibromyalgia but so do me and my mum (2 natural births each).

Shes made this decision based on
A) She's afraid of a long labour ( I was 15 having my eldest while living at home, was in slow labour for 5 days and 17hours active labour but my daughter was born stargazing which wasnt picked up until she was coming out)
B) She doesn't want to tear ( no idea where this fear has come from 🤷‍♀️)

My argument is that...

1. Recovery from surgery can take longer for fibro sufferers
2. Anaesthetic/ epidurals don't work as well on us either
3. She lives 30 miles away from us, near her husband's family and knowing my sister, she will expect us ( our mum at least) to be there every day ( mum has fibro, ms and 2 Foster kids of school age plus my elderly grandparents who we both care for)
4. With all the uncertainty regarding covid, she will possibly be in hospital alone for a few days after the birth
5. After trying for so long I dont understand why she wouldn't at least want to try a natural birth?

She's a nightmare to try and talk to and once she's made a decision (even bad ones) she wont change her mind (typically baby of the family syndrome - brat)

Just to add...I will be showing her the replies as she is refusing to listen to me, my mum or my gran (who has had a natural birth and a c section...50 years ago but I dont think the basics have changed)

AIBU to think shes being an utter idiot in thinking a c section is the 'easiest' (her words) option?

Why does it make a difference that she’s tried to get pg for two years? Are you suggesting that a c section makes you a lesser mother? I think YABU and you don’t sound very pleasant

I would never not support her decision 100% I'm not a twat (although most of the comments have judged otherwise) I just think her decision has been rushed, and would very much like her to consider all the pros and cons.
The distance is nothing (rural wales...its 10 miles to the nearest supermarket) it's the expectations my sister will put on my mum and this side of the family to step in when her husband goes back to work...hes self employed so even 2 weeks paternity leave might be stretching their finances. If she does end up having a section and it all goes well and shes up and about in a week or so ...great...I'll be the 1st one to apologise for assuming the worst.....but that's how we've been brought up...expect the worst and anything else is a bonus

If I was your sister I'd be moving even further away from you and your "advice". 30 miles doesn't seem far enough.

How did you get to that conclusion???? It was a detail I added because I wasnt sure it was relevant

It's not your business. Let her know the level of help you may or may not be able to give after then leave her to it.

I had an emergency section then a planned. I had no problems from it her and recovered well.

Stop trying to scare her into doing what you think is "the right way". All she needs is your support not your judgment and bossiness.

You aren't trying to help her, you're trying to control her. Leave the poor woman alone. Just because you are sisters doesn't mean you can bully her into doing what you what.

Good luck to her if she thinks she can just say she’ll be having a c-section and they’ll give her one.

They won’t just do a c-section on demand unless there is a valid reason.

Her birth. Her choice.
BUT she would be massively unreasonable to expect support, if she even does, from anyone but her partner. Family can never be relied upon is generally what you learn when having children.

She is an idiot but unfortunately that's none of your business.

Let her make her bed and lie in it

She’s 29 years old, she’s not a baby. You’re not a health care professional and you’re not an expert.

Has she spoken to her midwife about the possibility of an elective c-section? In our area they make it almost impossible to get one without a good medical reason. She may find that it isn't as straightforward as she thinks it will be

Yabu

I find it weird u would decide that wanting a c section makes her an idiot! I had an emergency one first time and elect one second and they were best decision, obviously not my decision first time round

In your original post you stated you would be showing her the replies. I hope you follow through on that so she sees she has the support in making her own decisions that she is not getting for her nearest and “dearest”.

@Rainbowsandpotsofgold

Not at all...I have absolutely nothing at all against c sections...as long as the mother has looked at pros and cons for both options and made the decision from there and has had advice from midwives, drs, other women ect....my sisters decision made at 3 weeks pregnant before she had even had the pregnancy confirmed

But she'd been ttc for 2 years - she had that time to work out what she wanted too.

I’ve voted YABU. Your post makes you sound condescending and incredibly controlling and overbearing. How she chooses to give birth is nothing to do with you, and if you have the same tone with her in person as you do in your post here, I’m not even slightly surprised she’s not keen to listen. I think if you want to maintain a good relationship with her you need to back off and appear supportive even if you don’t agree with her choices.

You want what's best for her? How patronising. I'd be appalled if someone, especially my sister, tried to bully me with a phrase like this.
She's made a personal choice.

I'm not sure whether I'm more disturbed by your disrespect for that or your judgement on modes of childbirth.

Of course you're unreasonable. You get no say in how somebody else chooses to give birth.

She's been trying to conceive for 2 years so I'd imagine she's researched and pictured every eventuality. You sound arrogant as fuck assuming she needs your input on the matter.

@snappycamper

She is an idiot but unfortunately that's none of your business.

Let her make her bed and lie in it

Why is she an idiot?

Are you saying women who elect caesareans are idiots?

You’d find me difficult if you were asking me to justify a decision that was none of your business.

Are you still showing her the posts, OP?

C-section is not an "easy" option by all means

but there are enough horror stories of "natural birth" to make it a perfectly valid choice. Women who gave birth according to their actual birth plan are really rare anyway.

The worst kind of women are the proud martyr who believe that they are superior because they had a "natural birth" and everybody should do the same.

If someone wants to avoid the possible trauma of a "natural birth" and risks of last minute traumatic emergency c-section, a little bit of understanding would go down better than your awful attitude.

@AlternativePerspective

Good luck to her if she thinks she can just say she’ll be having a c-section and they’ll give her one.

They won’t just do a c-section on demand unless there is a valid reason.

They might well. NICE guidance states that one should be offered when a woman has been fully counselled and attempting a VB isn't acceptable to her. Some hospitals do their best not to follow it, but thankfully they don't all and I think it's better than it used to be. I do know a couple of women whose desire for maternal request sections has been honoured lately.

I had an elective c section. It was great. No regrets.

Sister of OP - you do what YOU want.

Back away from her birth canal, sister