Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to think this extended maternity leave bollocks just needs to stop.

362 replies

ScreamedAtTheMichaelangelo · 11/09/2020 14:45

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-54089754

I can't be the only one to think the campaign has run its course and just needs to stop?

Labouring women are still not allowed to be with their partners in anything but an hour of the actual birth....the phrase 'bigger fish to fry' can't help but spring to mind.....

OP posts:
EL8888 · 11/09/2020 18:37

@Rae5647 it is the same thing though ultimately. Grabbing at things you want but aren't really entitled to and don't need. But want them anyway hence why the word entitled is being used. People bang on about the "maternity leave experience" too much. Maternity leave is for recovering from pregnancy / labour and bonding / caring for baby. It's not especially designated for coffee morning, baby sensory etc. As others have said it's embarrassing, demonstrates poor insight and little awareness

@WombOfOnesOwn Exactly!

Cam2020 · 11/09/2020 18:42

Thanks to the EU, maternity leave is pretty generous in this country anyway

Maternity leave in France is 16 weeks. It's thanks to our country's legislation, not the EU, that we get what we get.

gmailconfusion2 · 11/09/2020 18:42

I agree it's rediculous. I'm on mat leave at the moment, and my mental health is struggling with the lack of socialisation. A group near me was starting up this week. Except I couldnt go as they cancelled it in light of the latest announcement. But I don't want longer off work. Its actually making me consider going back earlier for my mental health

FOKKYFC · 11/09/2020 18:53

@Cam2020

Thanks to the EU, maternity leave is pretty generous in this country anyway

Maternity leave in France is 16 weeks. It's thanks to our country's legislation, not the EU, that we get what we get.

Yes - EU legislation means all EU countries guarantee at least 14 weeks. That's about what I had. Much more than many other countries. Some public and private sector jobs will give more - if you're a teacher, for example, via the Burgundy Book protocols; that's not enshrined in U.K. Don't understand the point you're making.
Adirondack · 11/09/2020 19:01

YANBU. These women are being grabby, unreasonable and selfish. I’m a single parent who works full time. During lockdown I had to work from home plus try and entertain and educate my children at the same time. I’m not asking for a three month paid jolly to help me get over it. And believe me, trying to be present work-wise for 8 hrs a day whilst your kids run feral is no picnic. I’d rather have spent it nursing a baby on the sofa any day.

VinylDetective · 11/09/2020 19:01

@Cam2020

Thanks to the EU, maternity leave is pretty generous in this country anyway

Maternity leave in France is 16 weeks. It's thanks to our country's legislation, not the EU, that we get what we get.

Indeed. And make the most of it because all bets are off when we leave the EU completely. The money Covid has cost will need to be found somewhere. Workers’ rights will be an easy target.
Monkeynuts18 · 11/09/2020 19:09

wow. the vitriol and total lack of compassion on this thread shows me why feminism is doomed. Women are even more judgemental and cruel to other women than men are.
Way to uphold the patriarchy sisters. Divide and conquer.

Don’t you dare.

I’m horrified by the effect the entire crisis has had on women. And it’s going to get worse as we head for a no-deal Brexit.

Women are more likely to be furloughed and significantly more likely to lose their jobs, either as a result of being employed in hard-hit sectors or as a result of discrimination; they are bearing the brunt of juggling work, childcare and domestic chores, while starting from a position of economic disadvantage. The Fawcett Society estimates the crisis could set women’s workplace equality back by decades.

The changes to maternity services and the dearth of support services for new mothers has been an outrage, as well as the lack of access to family planning services, fertility services and other women’s healthcare.

Women have been trapped with abusers and rapists, unable to leave or access help. Economic challenges pose a massive threat to women’s work and expose them to increased risk of exploitation and abuse. Girls and women facing severe economic crises are more likely to take on dangerous work for survival.

Don’t you dare call me, or anyone else, a bad feminist just because we don’t think this is a fantastic idea. Frankly I’m surprised that any woman who’s lucky enough to have a job can stand back, look at this utterly catastrophic situation (because don’t kid yourself - that’s what this is) and think ‘yep, the best possible use of government money and economic resources right now is to pay me to have three more months off work.’

Coastercat · 11/09/2020 19:10

As someone who had a baby in lockdown, it was shit but nowhere near as shit as families where parents have both had to work full time at the same time as home schooling. They need 3 months off!

Twigletmama · 11/09/2020 19:14

YANBU. The petition is ridiculous. The past six months have been shit for all parents. Personally I think that there would have been a lot of positives to having a baby during lockdown, I'd have found it a huge help to have had my husband working from home when I had my first baby. Although I appreciate that it must have been incredibly lonely for single parents or those whose partner can't work from home.

Peony9876 · 11/09/2020 19:21

@Cam2020

Thanks to the EU, maternity leave is pretty generous in this country anyway

Maternity leave in France is 16 weeks. It's thanks to our country's legislation, not the EU, that we get what we get.

Actually if you calculate statutory maternity pay the UK's provision is much worse than other European countries.

'The UK's statutory maternity leave is paid for up to 39 weeks. The first 6 weeks at 90% of your average weekly earnings (before tax) and then at a rate of £148.68 or 90% of your average weekly earnings (whichever is lower) for the next 33 weeks.This was deemed to be equivalent to 12 weeks of leave at full pay.

This puts the UK well behind Sweden, where 35 weeks of full pay is guaranteed for new mothers, as well as Germany (43 weeks), France (19 weeks), Spain (16 weeks) and Italy (25 weeks).

www.refinery29.com/en-gb/2019/06/235505/best-and-worst-countries-for-maternity-leave

I don't agree with the petition for other reasons but it is not fair to say that the UK is cuŕrently more generous than France.

Adirondack · 11/09/2020 19:22

And yes yes yes to the previous poster who said the money for this should be used to pay for extended bereavement leave for parents instead.

Monkeynuts18 · 11/09/2020 19:22

I should just add that nearly half of my mat leave was spent in lockdown (as apparently that’s what qualifies you to have an opinion). And yes, it was rubbish. I missed out on lots of things I’d planned - holidays, parties, baby activities, get-togethers with family and friends.

But who in the UK DIDN’T make sacrifices, parent or non-parent? Who didn’t miss out on holidays or parties or whatever? So why should we be compensated at the expense of others who also made sacrifices?

DontBeNastyAveAPasty · 11/09/2020 19:24

@Monkeynuts18 Aaaaaaaaaaand the prize for hands down the best response on this thread goes to.......

Figgygal · 11/09/2020 19:26

Agree it’s bollocks
This years been shite for lots of people for lots of reasons that group don’t deserve “reparations” any more than anyone else

Cam2020 · 11/09/2020 19:29

SMP is 39 weeks - my point is, that we exceed the minimum, so we're hardly begrudging in giving women time off to have children!

Rae5647 · 11/09/2020 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Al1Langdownthecleghole · 11/09/2020 19:33

I’d definitely sign a petition to provide better postnatal healthcare because that’s definitely gone backwards since my day.

Very much this. Perinatal care has gone backwards since I had my DC and it shames us as a nation.

FWIW I had a gap between DC so have experienced both 18 weeks mat leave & 9 months paid.

After DC1 I was back at work doing 12hr shifts when DC was 3 & a half months, meaning I had no choice but to stop breast feeding and go to work after getting up at least twice in the night.

After 9 months mat leave I was able to take A/L to return to work part time for a few weeks and weaned DC off breast feeding at a time of our choosing and DC was sleeping for longer periods overnight.

One of those scenarios was very much better and I'm really quite sad that some posters haven't understood what maternity leave is for or why we fought so hard for it.

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 11/09/2020 19:37

RunningFromInsanity
Just plain greedy.
This does nothing to promote women in the workplace, or women just generally.
Absolutely. Women are bearing the brunt of this epidemic in far more damaging ways than this.

^^
This!

I mean, shit happens. Can I claim my mat leave back because I had an emotionally abusive husband, and that kind of ruined it?

I agree that there are much bigger problems for women caused by lockdown.

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 11/09/2020 19:39

I’d definitely sign a petition to provide better postnatal healthcare because that’s definitely gone backwards since my day.

^^
And this too!

I told some French friends about my experiences (very run of the mill ones, not particular traumas) on the post natal ward, and they just laughed!

ScreamedAtTheMichaelangelo · 11/09/2020 19:39

@Rae5647 amidst your rant you're still totally forgetting something.

You are entitled to another three months. That's already law. 9 months paid, and another 3 if you want them unpaid.

You keep harping on about how you'd be happy to take this unpaid if it it meant you finding childcare....this does already exist.

OP posts:
ScreamedAtTheMichaelangelo · 11/09/2020 19:43

@Rae5647 FWIW Rae.....Mumsnet is not the place you come to for support....not any more anyway. A few minutes browsing the AIBU boards will be enough to tell you that.

I found Facebook groups (both local and national) to be fantastic through lockdown, as were the WhatsApp groups that stemmed from them. I strongly advise you seek some support and help from there.

OP posts:
GoldenOmber · 11/09/2020 19:48

Do you really think the best option is thousands of new mums being out of work due to there being no childcare, or due to serious mental health issues?

No, I do not. But childcare provision and mental health problems are not unique issues for new mums. They are issues which are very very pressing to a lot of us mums with older babies/toddlers/children too.

If you want to suggest the government should spend money to support the childcare industry or to support perinatal mental health I would be right behind you. But a petition saying new mums need more paid time to go to baby groups? No, come on.

PinkyBrain · 11/09/2020 19:51

Yanbu. Extra time at home with the baby to bond without external pressures, lots have had dh/dps at home for extended periods to help, having to live without cafes and baby massage isn’t a hardship really when you think of all the women losing jobs or frantically trying to keep their jobs from home while simultaneously home schooling and rowing the whole boat.

Goldsoundz · 11/09/2020 19:51

My DS was born on the very first day of lockdown and yes it's been lonely, depressing and isolating. He's only met his grandparents once and we've had to do everything on our own. But I still won't sign this petition as it's quite frankly embarrassing and entitled. What it does do is distract from some serious failings in post natal care due to covid that need to be addressed. PND, post C-section infection caused by no midwife visits and in my case post eclampsia which caused me to be readmitted and undiagnosed tongue tie causing my son to lose too much weight. Both caused by zero midwife visits and one zoom call with a health visitor. I was going to have a meeting to discuss the issues but then that got cancelled due to covid!

Rae5647 · 11/09/2020 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.