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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to think this extended maternity leave bollocks just needs to stop.

362 replies

ScreamedAtTheMichaelangelo · 11/09/2020 14:45

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-54089754

I can't be the only one to think the campaign has run its course and just needs to stop?

Labouring women are still not allowed to be with their partners in anything but an hour of the actual birth....the phrase 'bigger fish to fry' can't help but spring to mind.....

OP posts:
Al1Langdownthecleghole · 11/09/2020 15:58

Mat leave is supposed to be for bonding and caring for your baby - Covid hasn't stopped anyone from doing that!

This. I completely accept that it's been hard and that there has been even less support than normal (normal not being great to start with), but ML isn't for attending coffee mornings, its to recover from birth and care for a newborn.

Please don't make it harder for our daughters by making them unemplyable.

EvilPea · 11/09/2020 15:59

I’d have sooner have my 1st baby in lockdown.
No unexpected visitors, no pressure to do anything or be anywhere. No housework stress.
There weren’t any local baby groups or anything and we had no midwife or health visitor support with my first anyway.
I think it would have been nice to just be, with the baby

EvilPea · 11/09/2020 16:01

Please don't make it harder for our daughters by making them unemployable.
Which is already likely given the childcare issues, yo-yo schooling, home schooling and it falling mostly on women.

ginnybag · 11/09/2020 16:01

Baby groups, grandparent support, breastfeeding support, months of time off....

I got none of that with my DD, and she's 10 now. Local grandparents disabled and in hospital - one can't talk, the other I was organising admissions/discharges/carers for - and I was back at work full time when she was 8 weeks old. All of the groups and the support only exist in working hours, so we just got on with it without them. That was after a prolonged, difficult birth which left me with lifelong issues, a resus on DD that is still causing problems for her and a stay in NICU.

We are incredibly fortunate in this country to have the provisions and allowances we have. It's unfortunate that some coincided with COVID, but this is, genuinely, the definition of a first world problem, because if you lived in a lot of places other than the 1st world, you'd think ANY paid time off an incredible luxury. To be demanding more paid time under the current circumstances so you can go to coffee mornings and baby groups is madness.

Devlesko · 11/09/2020 16:02

Entitled springs to mind.
Maternity and working rights have never been better for women, yet still some want more.
It used to be 6 months in total, including any you took before birth, some people are never satisfied.

Eminybob · 11/09/2020 16:02

There are many mums, every single year, COVID or no COVID who miss out on socialising with other mums, baby groups, socialising the baby etc, because of PND.
Should these mums get an extra 3 months mat leave too?

Also plenty of parents who chose not to do those things with their baby and still send them to nursery. Some parents who have to go back to work after only a few months due to financial reasons.

Like pp have said, there are bigger fish to fry. Having some more time off work isn’t going to solve any of the problems caused by having a lockdown baby.

JudgeRindersMinder · 11/09/2020 16:02

@RunningFromInsanity

Just plain greedy. This does nothing to promote women in the workplace, or women just generally.
This, just this.

I’m glad maternity leave has been extended from what I had with my youngest-I was back at work when he was 29 weeks old and wasn’t ready due to PND, but this utter bollocks just muddies the waters and makes women of childbearing age an even less attractive prospect to employers. And I say that as one way past that age

Covert20 · 11/09/2020 16:02

But her child is the precise age babies get the worst separation anxiety? Where’s the evidence it’s got anything whatsoever to do with lockdown?

ChikiTIKI · 11/09/2020 16:02

I agree with @southerncomforts too.

My first mat leave was affected by severe ptsd from the birth, I suppose I was in some form of mental lockdown in that it restricted my enjoyment of life so much.

Second baby born very start of lockdown. Everyone is different but this one has been easier to cope with for me.

Neither of those experiences has led me to believe I should be entitled to more time off work. In current circumstances I am glad I'll have a job to go back to.

Dogsgowoofwoof · 11/09/2020 16:03

I agree. It’s a load of tripe.
Mothers moaning because they didn’t get to do coffee and baby groups.
I have to take short maternity leaves due to the nature of my work. Maybe I should receive something extra to compensate me for that. Thought not.

PinkSpring · 11/09/2020 16:03

I had our second a few months before lockdown so spent a large portion of maternity leave unable to do anything I had planned.

I didn't get to do anything I got to do with my first, no meet ups, no swimming classes, no soft play. I go back to work soon and I do feel sad that I have missed these things and probably won't get to do them very often once I am working full time - but it is what it is I guess.

I don't think they should extend maternity leave due to lockdown - I still got the same amount of leave I would have got, I just wasn't able to do what I wanted during that time - it sucks but no one could have predicted this.

WombOfOnesOwn · 11/09/2020 16:03

I'm sitting here in the US with my newborn, thinking about how hard I had to negotiate in my new job (which I got while pregnant) to get 9 weeks of paid mat leave. Some folks don't know how good they've got it.

Rae5647 · 11/09/2020 16:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Starlight39 · 11/09/2020 16:04

Mat leave is supposed to be for bonding and caring for your baby - Covid hasn't stopped anyone from doing that!

I agree with this. I'm due in Jan so run the risk of further lockdowns and I'm guessing many (most?) baby groups won't be running but I don't think I should get any additional maternity leave. It'd be impossible to tell if any separation anxiety my baby develops will be due to seeing fewer people or just their personality, anyway! I'm a tiny bit glad that the pressure to attend a daily baby group won't be there Blush. I found last time I worried I wasn't making the most of my maternity leave/making enough friends/doing enough baby activities etc etc.

Mommabear20 · 11/09/2020 16:04

Having had a baby during lockdown and dealing with the restrictions on seeing family etc, I can honestly say, extending maternity leave is completely unnecessary! We've actually (in most cases) had longer off than we normally would! Yes it's been far more difficult than it should have been but that isn't going to be fixed with more time. All we can do is try and carry on and get back to normal.

WildAboutMyPlanet · 11/09/2020 16:05

I have been pregnant over lockdown and I actually think it was a blessing in some ways. Yes it sucked that my DH wasn’t allowed into scans (we paid for one so he could see) and that there are no groups and I haven’t met any new mums and baby won’t be able to meet lots of people for a while, but I have been so unwell that instead of struggling to work or calling in sick I was furloughed which was good for me. Then I only went back to work a few days a week and my DH’s adjusted working hours mean that he gets more time off to be with baby and I, so I consider us lucky. I get that some people have been disappointed, but I don’t support this extension. Money is a major issue for this country right now and I don’t think another 3 months will make a huge difference; baby groups aren’t going to suddenly start up again in the few months, the new rule of 6 has come in and lots of grandparents are still shielding, so I don’t see how that will fix the issues personally.

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 11/09/2020 16:05

@otterbaby and @VinylDetective thanks for clarifying that. For once I'm glad I'm wrong Grin

ScreamedAtTheMichaelangelo · 11/09/2020 16:06

Furlough scheme has been abused to the tune of billions, I think that is something to get angry about rather than vulnerable mothers who haven’t had a penny

@Rae5647 They've had paid maternity leave. 9 months paid.

My sister in law had no paid maternity leave, and is now relying on a meagre single salary from her partner thanks to Trumps absurd answer to millions out of work being a $1200 one off payment.

I'm still struggling to see how 3 months paid leave is the answer to any of the issues being brought forward.

OP posts:
Khajit · 11/09/2020 16:07

Had my second just before lockdown. yes, my maternity leave has been a bit crap but making it longer isn't going to make any difference.

We can't get back the time our parents and friends missed when she was a newborn. I've certainly had plenty time to bond with her. Since lockdown eased we have put a lot of effort into her seeing the grand parents who will do our child care so she's happy to be left now.

It's been shit for everyone in different ways, and I'm grateful I have a secure job to go back to.

Pieinthesky11 · 11/09/2020 16:07

I had maternity leave through lock down and see no reason that it should be extended, though it would be pretty sweet if it was...I was at home with the baby after all...missing out on rhyme time and all that is no major loss

ZoeTurtle · 11/09/2020 16:07

Rae5647 Do you think that women who had a non-COVID maternity leave find it a breeze to leave their babies at nursery for the first time? Do you really think their babies experienced it any differently to yours?

Sugarhouse · 11/09/2020 16:07

As someone who was on maternity leave during lockdown yes it was a bit shit but it was for everyone people need to stop whining and get over it. And let’s be honest it’s going to be a long time before things are back to normal. The whole point of maternity leave is to be with baby lockdown did not stop that.

drspouse · 11/09/2020 16:08

I spent 10 weeks of DD adoption leave overseas trying to a) get legal custody and b) get a passport and a visa. This is quite short compared to other inter country adopters. It is what it is.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 11/09/2020 16:08

I sympathise hugely with individual women who had looked forward - perhaps for years - to this time, and been so disappointed in it. It is shit and unfair. I had a difficult mat leave with DC1 and a lovely mat leave with DC2 and with DC2 I did do baby swimming etc which we both loved and I’d be sorry not to have had. (I am actually quite sad for her just now that she’s missing her lessons - recognise it’s tiny in the grand scheme of things, but we still loved it and I miss it for both of us.)

But I don’t support the petition and I do cringe a bit and I do think it embarrasses what the point of mat leave is really about. But perhaps the petition is more about people expressing hurt and frustration and they’ll look back and think the same thing too.

I think there can be a tendency to picture the first stages of parenthood/childhood (ie having a youngish baby) as the most difficult, the most tiring, the most important, blah blah. I think actually often it’s new mothers who - understandably - struggle to think beyond their own experiences. And I think that attitude underpins some of this ‘lockdown babies special sympathy’ thing - the idea that parenting through lockdown is harder with babies than with toddlers or primary school children or teenagers or young adults. The truth is, it’s shit for most of us to a greater or lesser extent and our children have mostly lost out on what 2020 was supposed to be for them. The year where your child is 0 is not intrinsically more valuable and a harder loss than the year where your child is 2 or 8 or 15.

Two people close to me have had lockdown babies (one in late Feb, one in early June). One is gutted and perhaps is strongly supportive of this petition (thankfully she hasn’t shared it with me directly), the other has found that actually having her DP working at home etc has really suited her and she’s spent her time so far much as she would have done anyway. Neither are wrong, they’re just different.

Rosebel · 11/09/2020 16:08

I had my baby in June and will only be able to take 6 months leave. Shall I moan and complain about it and demand another 6 months or shall I just get on with bonding with my son and making the most of our time together?