To find the expression 'we are pregnant' ridiculous and irritating

[dallaspalace]

Under most circumstances there is only one person who is pregnant in a couple. Wishing this expression would disappear but instead I notice it's use becoming more and more common.

I understand that this may come from a good place as both parents want to share in the experience but growing a baby is quite an undertaking for the mum and I think this expression trivialises it a bit.

What's the general consensus?

"We're having a baby" is fine because it is literally true.

"We" (as in the two parents) are going to have a baby to take care of. And that can (and should) be very much a joint effort. But the phrase "we're pregnant" is technically inaccurate, offensive to women who do actually have to be pregnant and one of the most irritating phrases ever.

In my kinder, more tolerant moments I can smile and ignore and just feel quiet pity for the stupidity.

In my less kind and less tolerant moments this comment gives me such rage that I begin to wonder whether it would be entirely appropriate to remove the child at birth and forcibly sterilise both parents, without the aid of anaesthetic, to prevent "them" ever being pregnant again.

or maybe not

YANBU OP anyway. It is ridiculous and irritating.

Agreed. Its ridiculous and extremely annoying.

Completely agree with you OP

Cringe

I'm currently doing an online breast feeding session and half the couples who joined said "we are xxx weeks pregnant". DP switched off our zoom camera, made a sick face at me, turned it back on. He is not pregnant.

YANBU... Just another example of men co-opting women's bodies when it suits.. strange how "we" is mostly missing when it comes to fairly splitting the child care and housework though.

Yanbu

YANBU

YANBU. I don't mind "we are expecting a baby" (because they both are), but I absolutely hate "we are pregnant".

Totally agree op.
Deep down think it is a sap to involving the man (or indeed non pregnant partner of either sex).
Said most often by twee cutesy couply young starry eyed type (she say like an old grumpy cynic). As though difference can’t be acknowledged and a sign of indépendance in a couple etc.
Of course the other person is involved but they sure as hell aren’t pregnant.

‘ we don’t want an epidural ‘ is more irritating

The more I think about it the more annoying it is.

I know what it’s like to be pregnant for 9 months, it’s nothing like not being pregnant, there’s no ‘we’ in it!

Ditto giving birth. At least we don’t have ‘we gave birth’

@bengalcat

‘ we don’t want an epidural ‘ is more irritating

I do wonder if the we are pregnant is a first time parent to be thing.

Either way it’s vomit inducing

YANBU.
I've yet to see a man suffering from morning sickness or pregnancy-induced backache.

It's cringeworthy, smug and twee. There's an inherent and proper regard for the woman in saying 'My darling wife is pregnant', which is what's lacking in the presumptuous 'We are pregnant'.

We are expecting -fine. I'm pregnant -fine.We're pregnant - no.

We definitely are pregnant. I'm suffering so much I couldn't do this without my DHs support. He's really doing everything atm as I'm barely functioning and holding it together due to severe morning sickness. Although I'm suffering physically, he's no doubt suffering emotionally not really being able to make me better. And no doubt he's suffering hearing me be sick throughout the night especially when he's now doing everything in the house pretty much as I'm struggling to cope. Medication helps me hold it together in working hours but I'm floored when I get home.

Oh poor DH! 🙄

Apricotta it’s still just you that’s pregnant

Apricotta, I had a really rough first pregnancy.

Hypermesis which requires hospitalisation 4 times on a drip. Severe SPD which meant I need pushing around in a wheelchair, threatened pre-term labour which meant I was in Sheffield hospital for nearly a week. I live no where near Sheffield

Dh was working full time, coming home to clean and cook and still took care of me

It still wasn’t “we are pregnant”. I was. Dh did have it tough but he wasn’t going through the physical effects, just suffering from the mental ones.

I think it's a bit daft personally but whatever makes people happy. Doesn't seem important enough to get upset over.

"We're expecting" or "we're having a baby" are both completely fine, can't see why anyone would have an issue with those.

YANBU, I always found it a bit twee - a bit like couples who wear matching jumpers.

Dislike the expression "I fell pregnant" too, like it happened out of the blue without sexual intercourse.

FWIW, I find the idea of the man saying "we were had a c section" or "we were on gas and air" really sweet. People talk that way about sports teams and to me it suggests a man is really invested in and excited about the pregnancy/birth and sees himself as his partner's teammate and supporter.

Much prefer that over a distant or clinical attitude.

@Apricotta

We definitely are pregnant. I'm suffering so much I couldn't do this without my DHs support. He's really doing everything atm as I'm barely functioning and holding it together due to severe morning sickness. Although I'm suffering physically, he's no doubt suffering emotionally not really being able to make me better. And no doubt he's suffering hearing me be sick throughout the night especially when he's now doing everything in the house pretty much as I'm struggling to cope. Medication helps me hold it together in working hours but I'm floored when I get home.

But I don’t understand this. There’s many things I’ve supported my husband in, but I don’t say “we started a business”, “we ran a marathon”, “we got a new client” because I didn’t do these things even if I helped facilitate them and even if they affected our family.

Your husband was never physically pregnant, nor can he ever be. So nope, “we are pregnant” is still inaccurate in your circumstances.

It's great when a man is supportive of his wife when she's sick in pregnancy (he's supposed to be) but it doesn't make him pregnant. The very fact that he's able to function when she's too ill is kind of proof that he isn't the pregnant one, if being a man wasn't proof enough.