To find the expression 'we are pregnant' ridiculous and irritating

[dallaspalace]

Under most circumstances there is only one person who is pregnant in a couple. Wishing this expression would disappear but instead I notice it's use becoming more and more common.

I understand that this may come from a good place as both parents want to share in the experience but growing a baby is quite an undertaking for the mum and I think this expression trivialises it a bit.

What's the general consensus?

Cringe is my reaction.

Toe curlingly cringe

@grey12

I don't mind "we're pregnant".

In a loving relationship it is the choice of both partners and the father should be supportive, present and helping at all stages. There are situations where is the father who needs fertility treatment. "We're pregnant" includes the father in the pregnancy which is a good modern tendency as opposed to fathers just blocking everything to do with their pregnant wife. Who hasn't seen the vile comics about the men watching sports on tv while the woman is sick in the toilet with morning sickness?! Or the men who refuse to even change a diaper?

I draw the line at "we've delivered" thought!

I'm with you. I would use it if with my partner (not exclusively, but I would use it periodically) as an announcement but if we were separate it would be "I'm pregnant" or "my wife is pregnant" I wouldn't use it constantly but now and then as an inclusion. It's like "we're trying for a baby" and with our journey, he's done a lot (minus the morning sickness, pain and operations) but he's very supportive and also puts up with my awful mood swings and just agrees/apologises. So he's taking the brunt of it in that way 😂

Hate it. Men do not die in childbirth, or risk any of the other delightful health issues arising during and after pregnancy. Nor do they take any the negative social consequences that women do. I wonder if they would be so comfortable claiming that "we had a termination" and taking the hits from that, for example.

Yet another reason why I'm thankful that I had my kids back in the dark ages.
The old fashioned way of men and women having our own domains did have it's advantages. At least we didn't have to share pregnancy and childbirth with men.

It’s the male appropriation and hence diminishing of the female risk and bodily impact which pisses me off about this phrase. I have a permanently damaged and altered body because of my pregnancies. My DH, as much as I love him, has not.

And exactly that @Pepperwort - when men suffer career setbacks and are happy to say “we have had an abortion“ then it would seem more equitable

@Bumbers

I am currently 29 weeks pregnant and just want to offer a slightly different perspective.

I used to hate that phrase, but now I use it myself. We have been through stillbirth of twins, a MMC and this pregnancy is IVF following infertility. I am the one who has physically gone though everything, but we went through the emotional side together.

I prefer them to be OUR pregnancies as then it doesn't feel like it is so much my fault when things have gone wrong. It feels like a shared journey.

Oh you poor woman. What a tough time ye have had.

Well of course you might say it with good reason.

Wishing you the very best.

Makes ne automatically assume they are smug and annoying. I hate it. Wanky.

I'm going through a very tough TTC journey and if I am lucky enough to fall pregnant I'll describe it however I want to.

@Bumbers

I am currently 29 weeks pregnant and just want to offer a slightly different perspective.

I used to hate that phrase, but now I use it myself. We have been through stillbirth of twins, a MMC and this pregnancy is IVF following infertility. I am the one who has physically gone though everything, but we went through the emotional side together.

I prefer them to be OUR pregnancies as then it doesn't feel like it is so much my fault when things have gone wrong. It feels like a shared journey.

Same feelings here

Some people are very judging.

YANBU.

Quite agree makes me want to puke !

My husband announced that 'we' were pregnant to anyone that would listen! I'd be mortified if someone had told him not YOUR not!' Yes, I was the one physically growing our DD, but he was by my side every step of the way, during the morning sickness, the sleepless nights, taking on extra chores at home and in taking care of our 2 dogs, working extra hours during lockdown (essential worker) to get extra money behind us before baby arrived, was on the phone ALL day during my induction and the following day once he'd had to leave the hospital and talked to me all night when our newborn wouldn't sleep the night I had to spend in the hospital.
So yes 'WE' were pregnant and I can't wait for him to be able to announce it again if we're fortunate enough to have another DC!

Men can't seem to do anything right when it comes to pregnancy and child raising, seriously not surprised some don't make an effort when they get shit either way

I quite like it. It indicates the start of a shared journey of parenting. However I’m not bothered if someone says ‘my wife/girlfriend is pregnant‘ either, although it does then leave room for doubt as to whether the man speaking is the father of the child.

OTOH I find the euphemism ‘expecting’ twee. It’s also ambiguous, expecting could mean TTC with an expectation of eventual pregnancy whereas ‘pregnant’ is very clear.

YANBU, this expression is one of my real teeth-grinders. Twee, twee, twee. Hate it.

So yes 'WE' were pregnant

But you both weren’t? You were pregnant, he was lovely and supportive and did what he could to support you. Presumably he did that during birth as well and you wouldn’t say “we gave birth”?

Mind you I have heard a dad say “we had a caesarean” and thought . (It wasn’t too long after the birth though, maybe he was still a bit out of it.)

@TheRedShoes75

It’s the male appropriation and hence diminishing of the female risk and bodily impact which pisses me off about this phrase. I have a permanently damaged and altered body because of my pregnancies. My DH, as much as I love him, has not.

This.

Yanbu

Presumably he did that during birth as well and you wouldn’t say “we gave birth”?

I know a guy who says exactly that. "We were on the gas and air", "we were dilated 10cm", "we were pushing". He's not generally a prat so I don't know where that came from, but I did tell my husband not to try any of that crap when I was pregnant. He wouldn't have, though.

YANBU. I hate "we're pregnant." No. The mother is pregnant. If my husband had said, "we're pregnant," I would have been so angry. It was my body carrying, feeding, tearing and healing to bring us our child. I would have felt my work in that part would have been diminished.

Why not "We're having a baby!" I have several friends who adopted, so that later term is much more friendly to the adoption families.

Yep. Turns of phrase that i hate and immediately make me swirm are 'real' mother (or 'real' father) for birth mother. Offensive, i think. (I havent adopted, by the way, in case anyone assuming am being over sensitive)

YANBU. I really don't like it.

I totally get that it's a mutual celebration but it just needs to be phrased as such.

We're having a baby!! What's wrong with that?

I agree it is a ridiculous; a woman becomes pregnant, a man does not. 'We' are expecting a baby is fine because both are expecting that.

YANBU. I hate it when people say “we go to X school”. Ermmm no you left school years ago, your child goes to X school.

So yes 'WE' were pregnant

Sorry, but this is the twee-est thing I’ve read in a loooong time.

No, YOU were pregnant. You, as a woman, took on the emotional and physical labour of gestating and birthing a child. YOU took the risks to your physical and mental health, the impact on your career as you went on maternity leave.

By saying “we” are pregnant, it completely disregards the impact of pregnancy and new motherhood that only affects women.

If it was truly a case of “we” were pregnant, there would be better shared maternity legislation, better antenatal care, better funded and properly staffed maternity wards because it wouldn’t just be a “Women’s Issue”