To find the expression 'we are pregnant' ridiculous and irritating

[dallaspalace]

Under most circumstances there is only one person who is pregnant in a couple. Wishing this expression would disappear but instead I notice it's use becoming more and more common.

I understand that this may come from a good place as both parents want to share in the experience but growing a baby is quite an undertaking for the mum and I think this expression trivialises it a bit.

What's the general consensus?

YANBU.
I really don’t like this phrase. Yes, ‘we’ made a baby. No, ‘only one of us’ is pregnant and is facing all that comes with it. Gives me rage when I hear it.

I can honestly say that it doesn't bother me in the slightest.

Next time DH manages any kind of achievement I’m going to say “we” did it.

I need a bit of a boost.

YANBU

I see it as female erasure. Arguably growing a child in your own body is one of the hardest tasks a human being can undertake (given that it takes 9 full months and can bloody well kill you), and someone else trying to claim credit for it seems crass. Like their partner's womb is shared property or something.

We're expecting is completely fine, though.
Pregnant is the biological process and can't be shared.
Expecting is a state of mind, and hopefully is shared!

@Kaiserin completely agree!

we delivered made me laugh, does he work for Hermes? Anyway he didn't deliver the child and wasn't pregnant either, saying we're pregnant or we delivered is twattish and wrong also cringy in the extreme.

I agree it’s really irritating

Doesn’t bother me at all. My DH didn’t experience pregnancy obviously but his whole life changed to fit around and support me, so he had his own experience. If he says ‘we’re pregnant’ I wouldn’t care, it’s just a way of saying ‘we’re having a baby’, it doesn’t mean that he, in the slightest, is pretending to feel what I’ve been through.

YANBU. It's cringe. Male appropriation of women's biology, happens all the time.

I have a friend (male) who told me all about 'their' pregnancy, labour and ' oh we're having so many problems' breast feeding. He honestly talked as if he were the one directly experiencing it! It irritated me immensely.

I hate it. Although not as much as I hated hearing someone say ‘we’ve decided we’re having a natural birth, we don’t want drugs we want it all natural’
Easy to say that when you’re not the one experiencing the pain, isn’t it? Prick...

It’s barf inducing!!

I agree.
"We are having a baby" is fine, because both partners in a couple hopefully are going to share the responsibility for a new baby, but only one of them is pregnant and will give birth.

I wouldn't use it, but I can't get excited if that's how a couple chooses to say it.

If you're reaction to someone you love telling you they are expecting is to pull them up on their choice of words then it says more about you than them.

I see where you're coming from but if one of a couple gets cancer, do 'they'have cancer? Or indeed any other illness? If one gets made redundant have 'they' been made redundant? I can't really believe you've compared bereaved parents choosing to use inclusive language to acknowledge their losses to someone being ill or unemployed. It's hard enough being a bereaved parent without people spouting more nonsense on top of everything else.

I see where you're coming from but if one of a couple gets cancer, do 'they'have cancer? Or indeed any other illness? If one gets made redundant have 'they' been made redundant? I can't really believe you've compared bereaved parents choosing to use inclusive language to acknowledge their losses to someone being ill or unemployed. It's hard enough being a bereaved parent without people spouting more nonsense on top of everything else.

I can't believe how rude you are! It is highly comparable. They are all horrid and life-changing experiences for both people in the couple. It's not nonsense just because you don't agree btw and it does not further conversation to just start insulting people who see things differently than you.

Yes annoying. Also annoying is " so and so welcomed a daughter today". They gave birth!

Being a bereaved parent is absolutely nothing like being ill or being made redundant.

You can get better, and you can get another job, but you will NEVER get your child back.

It's not a difference of opinion, it's a bloody fact.

Laughable that you call me rude when you have totally diminished the reality of being a bereaved parent.

It is utterly cringeworthy and irritating.

There was no "we" about pregnancy in this house. I was pregnant. DH wasn't. We were expecting a baby/going to be parents.

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

Being a bereaved parent is absolutely nothing like being ill or being made redundant.

You can get better, and you can get another job, but you will NEVER get your child back.

It's not a difference of opinion, it's a bloody fact.

Laughable that you call me rude when you have totally diminished the reality of being a bereaved parent.

I took it as meaning a partner with a terminal illness, which is kind of comparable. Not completely, but I see what they’re saying. A joint emotional experience

Laughable that you call me rude when you have totally diminished the reality of being a bereaved parent.

I really haven't. Not everyone recovers from serious illnesses and many who do have long-term issues anyway. Facing your own mortality in such a way is also profound. I am in no way diminishing the death of a child or children which is something that of course stays with people for every moment of the rest of their life. My SIL died of cancer when her baby was 1. That was a joint experience for her and her OH and indeed for all the family but we did not have cancer - she did.

I see where you're coming from but if one of a couple gets cancer, do 'they'have cancer? Or indeed any other illness? If one gets made redundant have 'they' been made redundant?

Even having cancer (which I have) isn't comparible to being a bereaved parent (which I am). There was no mention of terminal illness, just being ill or being made redundant.

I really do wish that people would watch what they say to bereaved parents. We have enough to deal with, there have been many threads about it on here in fact.

Sorry about your SIL

I'm not going to argue the point anymore because it's only going to be upsetting to one, or both , of us given the personal nature of it.

I would, however, ask you to have a look again at what you just said to a bereaved mother using inclusive language, and the fact you compared it to being ill or being made redundant, and the reasons that may be hurtful to someone who's child/ren has died.

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

I'm sorry for your loss and for your current health issues. I do think you are reading things into this that I did not say though. As others have pointed out there are lots of changes and losses which are significant emotional journeys together. The physical journey is only one person's though. This does not diminish your, or other people's losses.

My OH has had cancer BTW and has survived it. It was an emotional journey for both of us. It was not terminal and hopefully will never become so but that does not make it insignificant. We were on an emotional journey together but it was his body being cut, prodded, stitched and given 'poisons'.

Cross posted with you. Thank you for the 'flowers' re: my SIL. It was devastating for all of us. Your wishes are very kind.

YANBU. Annoys me too. And even worse, I remember a father-to-be saying something like we don't want any sweeps or vaginal examinations (or something like that) which irritated me immensely, of course he wasn't going to have any of those things! I hate men with strong opinions about how their female partners give birth.

However, what upsets and offends me the most, is being referred to as a "pregnant person" or "birthing person" instead of a woman or mother. That is a whole new level of male appropriation of the female experience of pregnancy and childbirth.