Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lazy and ignorant or just pure arrogant??

165 replies

3amigosmama · 11/09/2020 11:24

AIBU.. To be pissed off... I have 3 kids 10, 2 and 1 yrs.. And an overgrown middle aged toddler for a partner... Won't shower at home only at work so when he's off for a week ..hmm. Yeah.. And his feet are disgusting.. I put things away after washing and he sulks he can't see them after opening the door for a second.. Or just buys new rather than look for them or wash them.. Won't come to bed for fear of having to get up with one of the little ones.. Never has done since the first was born.. Won't wash up.. do washing.. Cook.. Nothing unless I start shouting that I'm sick of it.. Won't clean up.. Changes maybe 2 nappies a day when I'm at wits end and tied up cooking or something.. if that.. Won't bath the kids.. Won't dress them unless he's desperate to go somewhere.. Most of the time I'm just fighting them out of the kitchen so they don't get hurt because he Ignores the kids no end.. Thinks 5 minutes playing is adequate and can't take his eyes off his phone.. Is a hoarder of shite and pays for storage for it all rather than just get rid or spend the money more sensibly and help with what the kids need or my hefty childminder bill when I am at work.. Drops dirty clothes on kitchen floor even if washer is empty.. Leaves mucky 3 days worn socks on living room floor.. Won't get changed when we go anywhere only when it's with someone he wants to impress.. Leaves things where he knows the little ones are gonna get them and then snarls.. Does nothing but sleep.. Sits downs n in seconds he's snoring no matter where we are, a relatives.. Anywhere.. I ask him to watch them for 5 mins while I get a rapid shower in my ridiculously full schedule.. I've barely gotten up the stairs and he's snoring or there in there with me emptying shampoo in the bottom of the bath or repeatedly flushing the toilet or something.. Getting to the point I darent leave them alone with him..
I've been quite ill for a couple of month now, and really struggled through.. and feel like I am failing as a good mum because I have no time to do propper mum things and spend quality time with the kids other than run myself ragged after them and do housework..
I really am getting to the end of my tether, my kids are my world and I will do anything for them.. But he is just taking the piss..
Surprised he doesn't expect me to wipe his arse for him too.. But I suppose that would mean he couldn't lock himself in the bathroom for half an hour a shite every time he goes upstairs.. Annoyed much..
What would you do?

OP posts:
hypochondriacseverywhere · 11/09/2020 11:35

I'd be kicking him out.

SecretDoor · 11/09/2020 11:36

Divorce as he won't change. You life will be easier

timeforawine · 11/09/2020 11:38

Fuck, i'd be showing him the door and changing the damned locks.

PegasusReturns · 11/09/2020 11:38

Your life will be infinitely easier and better if you leave him

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 11/09/2020 11:39

I would be getting rid of him also. He’s not going too change now and the resentment will drive you man.

I seemed to read in the middle of that that you also work, and that you are expected to meet childcare costs alone?

shropshire11 · 11/09/2020 11:39

It sounds like a tough situation. You need to get out of the loop - of being upset, nagging (understandably), and getting an avoidant reaction. Have you thought about writing down your needs calmly in a list and then sitting down and going through them?

OhioOhioOhio · 11/09/2020 11:40

I just said this morning how happy I am that I don't have to put up with my xh, his bad behaviour and his fkn stuff anymore. Getting rid of the hoarded piles of shite is one of the most awesome things. I can't recommend ditching him enough. Please do it.

DeliciouslyFemale · 11/09/2020 11:40

You know what to do. Why the fuck are you putting up with that lack of respect?

msannabella · 11/09/2020 11:43

Does he have any redeeming qualities? I genuinely can't understand why someone would be with a man like that. He doesn't sound like he's bringing much to the table and you'd be better off without him around, also doesn't sound like there's any love there on either side so why put up with it.

Heffalooomia · 11/09/2020 11:43

Get rid!
let us help you make a plan 🙂

Oliversmumsarmy · 11/09/2020 11:43

If he wasn’t there your life would be so much easier.

He sounds gross.

What happens if he lost his job?
Would he never wash himself again?

The whole post made me want to heave it was so grim.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/09/2020 11:44

If he was this shit after the first one was born I certainly wouldn’t have had two more... For a start I wouldn’t be having sex with someone who doesn’t wash. But you clearly thought he was worth hanging around so you can see why he hasn’t bothered to buck his ideas up, why would he when he knows your standards are so low.

Obviously ditch him. But I imagine he’ll be shocked.

CremeEggThief · 11/09/2020 11:44

YABU for putting up with this so long. Why? What has been in it for you?

Ilen · 11/09/2020 11:45

Well, he's got you exactly where he wants you, doesn't he? Strategic incompetence can get you out of so much.

What are you going to do about it?

AntiHop · 11/09/2020 11:46

I feel sick reading your post. Ltb.

Bahhh · 11/09/2020 11:46

He hasn't done anything since the first was born and you've had two since? Whhhhyyyyy do people do this.

You don't have any respect or love for him. It's over.

Leave him and be happy.

Do you need help/advice?

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 11/09/2020 11:52

When you say “since the first was born”, is the 10 yo his or do you mean the first of the little ones? Otherwise 10 years is a long time to put up with this shit.

frazzledasarock · 11/09/2020 11:54

Yuck, can’t understand how you could bring yourself to have sex with him. He sounds disgusting.

What are you going to do?

Dillydallyingthrough · 11/09/2020 11:56

Tell him to fuck off, he is just adding to your work, it also reads as if you pay the childminder bill alone? He is not a partner, you are not in a partnership why are you with him?

Who's house is it? If it's yours kick him out. If it's his, find somewhere to live asap, even if that means living with friends or family for a short time.

Bluetrews25 · 11/09/2020 11:58

You need to lose probably 14 stone of useless flesh.
Good news is you can probably do it overnight.

letmethinkaboutitfornow · 11/09/2020 11:58

Stop having more kids with him!
Get some help - for both of you

wizzywig · 11/09/2020 11:58

Is there the promise of a great inheritance when he dies? Otherwise why put up with this?

Fluffycloudland77 · 11/09/2020 11:59

Leave him he sounds disgusting.

DragonPie · 11/09/2020 12:01

Leave him. He brings nothing to your life.

FooFighter99 · 11/09/2020 12:01

GET. RID. NOW.

Do you REALLY want this to be your life? Seriously OP, do yourself a favor and get rid of this waste of oxygen