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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lazy and ignorant or just pure arrogant??

165 replies

3amigosmama · 11/09/2020 11:24

AIBU.. To be pissed off... I have 3 kids 10, 2 and 1 yrs.. And an overgrown middle aged toddler for a partner... Won't shower at home only at work so when he's off for a week ..hmm. Yeah.. And his feet are disgusting.. I put things away after washing and he sulks he can't see them after opening the door for a second.. Or just buys new rather than look for them or wash them.. Won't come to bed for fear of having to get up with one of the little ones.. Never has done since the first was born.. Won't wash up.. do washing.. Cook.. Nothing unless I start shouting that I'm sick of it.. Won't clean up.. Changes maybe 2 nappies a day when I'm at wits end and tied up cooking or something.. if that.. Won't bath the kids.. Won't dress them unless he's desperate to go somewhere.. Most of the time I'm just fighting them out of the kitchen so they don't get hurt because he Ignores the kids no end.. Thinks 5 minutes playing is adequate and can't take his eyes off his phone.. Is a hoarder of shite and pays for storage for it all rather than just get rid or spend the money more sensibly and help with what the kids need or my hefty childminder bill when I am at work.. Drops dirty clothes on kitchen floor even if washer is empty.. Leaves mucky 3 days worn socks on living room floor.. Won't get changed when we go anywhere only when it's with someone he wants to impress.. Leaves things where he knows the little ones are gonna get them and then snarls.. Does nothing but sleep.. Sits downs n in seconds he's snoring no matter where we are, a relatives.. Anywhere.. I ask him to watch them for 5 mins while I get a rapid shower in my ridiculously full schedule.. I've barely gotten up the stairs and he's snoring or there in there with me emptying shampoo in the bottom of the bath or repeatedly flushing the toilet or something.. Getting to the point I darent leave them alone with him..
I've been quite ill for a couple of month now, and really struggled through.. and feel like I am failing as a good mum because I have no time to do propper mum things and spend quality time with the kids other than run myself ragged after them and do housework..
I really am getting to the end of my tether, my kids are my world and I will do anything for them.. But he is just taking the piss..
Surprised he doesn't expect me to wipe his arse for him too.. But I suppose that would mean he couldn't lock himself in the bathroom for half an hour a shite every time he goes upstairs.. Annoyed much..
What would you do?

OP posts:
TitsOutForHarambe · 11/09/2020 12:54

Wtf?! OP, you need to have a good, hard look in the mirror. Wtf are you doing with this guy? It sounds like hell on earth. He is making your life so much harder than it needs to be.

A lot of these problems would disappear, or at least be vastly improved, by you throwing him out and changing the locks. You deserve so much better than this. So do your kids.

pilates · 11/09/2020 12:58

I think you know what you need to do. So sorry but your life will be better is so many ways when you get rid of him.

anuffername · 11/09/2020 12:59

@slipperywhensparticus

whose name is on the house can you afford it without him

What the hell is he doing putting shampoo in the bath and flushing the toilet when your trying to have a shower?

The children are doing this - because their useless Dad goes to sleep instead of watching them so OP can have a shower in peace.
custardbear · 11/09/2020 13:00

Show him this thread - he's a poor excuse for a husband, father and even member of society - who only showers at work 🤢 stinking, lazy, arrogant, ignorant, infantile dick spring to mind - sorry you've landed yourself with such a lump of useless lard

Heffalooomia · 11/09/2020 13:01

@romeolovedjulliet

another one who can't believe you have stayed with him [and had more dc] if it wasn thar bad after the first one. you couldn't pay me another to sleep with someone who sounds this revolting tbh.
I presume she stayed because of low self-esteem, and now you are attacking her for having low self-esteem....
AlrightTreacle · 11/09/2020 13:01

I got as far as reading that he only showers when he's at work and thought get rid. He can't be bothered to make an effort for you or even himself, a complete lack of self care is really unattractive. Doesn't sound like he has any positives from what you've written, so being single would be an upgrade.

FlamedToACrisp · 11/09/2020 13:02

First of all, you are NOT "failing as a good mum." Don't ever think that. It sounds like you're doing a fantastic job, and you are not getting even the minimal, grudging support to be expected from a lazy husband. He is a drain on you, not a help-mate.

In all fairness to your DH, it's possible he suffers from depression. Most of the things you mention could be symptoms, such as falling asleep, not bothering to wash, not wanting to do anything or engage with others, hoarding useless crap. I'm not saying this because I think you should put up with him being selfish and lazy, but because it might be something you could suggest to help him. But suggest it AFTER you've kicked him out - don't let him use it as an excuse to stay.

There is no point in carrying on with this relationship and trying again. He can't be bothered to make any effort to please and help you, and you are disgusted by his behaviour and personality (and who wouldn't be?)

If he has access to the children after you've split up, in view of his constantly falling asleep while the tiny ones are in his care, you might want to insist he has another adult present. Otherwise your 10yo will end up being the babysitter while Dad snores in front of the telly.

BewilderedDoughnut · 11/09/2020 13:04

@Heffalooomia

I presume she stayed because of low self-esteem, and now you are attacking her for having low self-esteem

Having low self-esteem means you get repeatedly knocked up by a man whose not fit to be a father? Sometimes people just make shit life decisions!

dollypartonscoat · 11/09/2020 13:05

Omg. Get rid. He's vile, I'd get rid of him for the hoarding and disgusting feet alone.

He'll pay for storage for his hoarded shit but won't contribute to childcare for his own children Hmm

Kick him out, CMS, job done.

User3627290 · 11/09/2020 13:06

D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M

User7312019 · 11/09/2020 13:07

Why are you with him? And what on earth possessed you to have one child with the waste of space let alone two more after that?

looselegs · 11/09/2020 13:07

He's a lazy, selfish slob.
Get rid - you do everything anyway so you probably won't notice the difference!

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 11/09/2020 13:07

Divorce him. He sounds vile, lazy, dirty, smelly, a terrible father and husband. What is the point of him. Surely your life would be simpler without him in it.

romeolovedjulliet · 11/09/2020 13:07

posted too soon before final read Blush

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 11/09/2020 13:08

@User3627290. 😂😂

romeolovedjulliet · 11/09/2020 13:09

@User3627290

D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M D U M P H I M
user so you think op should dump him then or did i read that incorrectly ? Smile
Regularsizedrudy · 11/09/2020 13:09

You picked him

Doodar · 11/09/2020 13:09

Why the hell did you have 3 kids with him? LTB

romeolovedjulliet · 11/09/2020 13:13

low self esteem, mh and the rest of it seem to be a blanket for a lot of things on mn. have never come across it in this degree in real life, although it will be more obvious on here i guess, and yes, i have bipolar before someone lands on me from a great height, so please don't bother.

crimsonclover · 11/09/2020 13:14

What exactly does he bring to your life? Sounds like very little.

BewilderedDoughnut · 11/09/2020 13:15

I hope there are some women here from the “childfree men are selfish children” and “fathers are mature and have grown up” thread! 😂😂😂

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 11/09/2020 13:15

What everyone has said, only do not show him this thread. He won’t care and it’ll lose you any head start in getting stuff sorted/ stopping him making it more difficult for you.

Just get your shit together and end the relationship.

Gilead · 11/09/2020 13:15

I had one like this, never cooked, never did a wash load, never went to school stuff. If I went shopping I had to take the kids because he needed a break! Hoarded shit too. On top of all this he was an abusive arse. My life has been so much easier since divorce, quiet, calm, organised and happy.

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 11/09/2020 13:17

OP, why does he fall asleep all the time?

^^
I had one who used to do this. It’s just a way of getting out of stuff they find boring, nothing more.

MrsSiriusBlack1 · 11/09/2020 13:17

Get him tae fuck.

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