Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lazy and ignorant or just pure arrogant??

165 replies

3amigosmama · 11/09/2020 11:24

AIBU.. To be pissed off... I have 3 kids 10, 2 and 1 yrs.. And an overgrown middle aged toddler for a partner... Won't shower at home only at work so when he's off for a week ..hmm. Yeah.. And his feet are disgusting.. I put things away after washing and he sulks he can't see them after opening the door for a second.. Or just buys new rather than look for them or wash them.. Won't come to bed for fear of having to get up with one of the little ones.. Never has done since the first was born.. Won't wash up.. do washing.. Cook.. Nothing unless I start shouting that I'm sick of it.. Won't clean up.. Changes maybe 2 nappies a day when I'm at wits end and tied up cooking or something.. if that.. Won't bath the kids.. Won't dress them unless he's desperate to go somewhere.. Most of the time I'm just fighting them out of the kitchen so they don't get hurt because he Ignores the kids no end.. Thinks 5 minutes playing is adequate and can't take his eyes off his phone.. Is a hoarder of shite and pays for storage for it all rather than just get rid or spend the money more sensibly and help with what the kids need or my hefty childminder bill when I am at work.. Drops dirty clothes on kitchen floor even if washer is empty.. Leaves mucky 3 days worn socks on living room floor.. Won't get changed when we go anywhere only when it's with someone he wants to impress.. Leaves things where he knows the little ones are gonna get them and then snarls.. Does nothing but sleep.. Sits downs n in seconds he's snoring no matter where we are, a relatives.. Anywhere.. I ask him to watch them for 5 mins while I get a rapid shower in my ridiculously full schedule.. I've barely gotten up the stairs and he's snoring or there in there with me emptying shampoo in the bottom of the bath or repeatedly flushing the toilet or something.. Getting to the point I darent leave them alone with him..
I've been quite ill for a couple of month now, and really struggled through.. and feel like I am failing as a good mum because I have no time to do propper mum things and spend quality time with the kids other than run myself ragged after them and do housework..
I really am getting to the end of my tether, my kids are my world and I will do anything for them.. But he is just taking the piss..
Surprised he doesn't expect me to wipe his arse for him too.. But I suppose that would mean he couldn't lock himself in the bathroom for half an hour a shite every time he goes upstairs.. Annoyed much..
What would you do?

OP posts:
AriettyHomily · 11/09/2020 12:33

Why did you have more kids with him???

slipperywhensparticus · 11/09/2020 12:33

whose name is on the house can you afford it without him

What the hell is he doing putting shampoo in the bath and flushing the toilet when your trying to have a shower?

Gazelda · 11/09/2020 12:35

He sounds disgusting
You unsound unhappy, exhausted and unappreciated.
I can't see why you would stay with him.

Manolin · 11/09/2020 12:37

I would take him to the zoo and let the vets there check him over. As long as there is nothing wrong with him they can then release him into the wild again.

NoSleepInTheHeat · 11/09/2020 12:39

Leave him

In the meantime have some fun, put the dirty laundry he leaves in the living room on his pillow, no sex if he hasn't had a shower, no food cooked for him, etc.

BewilderedDoughnut · 11/09/2020 12:39

He’s been like this since the first was born (perhaps before) and you went on to have two further children with him?

Jokes on you I think.

Home42 · 11/09/2020 12:39

Get divorced.... I did and is MUCH better without him 😁

Heffalooomia · 11/09/2020 12:39

@AriettyHomily

Why did you have more kids with him???
Mocking and deriding the OP is not helpful😕 we have all been blind in relationships and we can all be wise in hindsight let's focus on helping people to learn from the mistakes of others, mistakes which are probably understandable
Badbadbunny · 11/09/2020 12:39

Why on Earth did you have 3 kids with him? You should have ditched him long ago, but better late than never. Get rid of the lazy waste of space.

Manolin · 11/09/2020 12:41

I do not think those posters comments are mocking and derision, more like tough love.

Giespeace · 11/09/2020 12:41

Would you like your children to be like him or to be in a relationship with someone like him?
Your answer will tell you what you need to do.

Sexnotgender · 11/09/2020 12:42

Get rid, the thought of him is putting me off my lunch.

fuandylp · 11/09/2020 12:43

He has to go.
He is lazy, ignorant and arrogant - to answer the question in your title.
He is also completely disrespectful.
It is completely lacking in respect not to wash when living with someone else, inflicting poor hygiene and body odour on the person you are supposed to love.
It is disrespect for you that makes him think he can leave his dirty clothes on the floor anywhere he fancies.
He does absolutely nothing and expects you to cook, clean and wash his clothes.
I'd go on immediate strike. Stop cooking for him. Do not wash any of his clothes. Pick up any dirty clothing lying around and put it straight in a bin liner. He can deal with it - if he wishes to wear clean clothes then he knows where the washing machine is and if he doesn't know how to use one he can google it.
If he wishes to eat, he knows where the kitchen is.

Then get rid of the bastard completely. Your life will be much easier without him in it. I had a lazy bastard here too (twice actually - two lazy bastards, though not at the same time). When they were gone it was amazing how little work there was to do. Things stay clean. There's very little laundry. There's no crap left lying around.
It won't be easy to be a single mum but it has to be better than having the extra overgrown middle-aged toddler hanging around. Once you know you are on your own you will be able to make plans as to how you manage the children and childcare etc. Hell, he's not evening contributing financially towards the childcare of the children HE (and you) created.

OhioOhioOhio · 11/09/2020 12:44

Yes you need to make a plan behind his back.

Brighterthansunflowers · 11/09/2020 12:44

Why on earth have you stayed with him and had more children?

He sounds awful in every way but he’s not going to change. You would be far better off without him. I’m not sure why this is even a question tbh, it’s blindingly obvious what the answer is

Sceptre86 · 11/09/2020 12:46

It is really hard to have sympathy for you when you decided to have more kids with a man like this. His rank hygiene would put anyone off but not you it seems. In couples quite often some give and take is necessary but all this man appears to do is take. You have three kids already and are a working mum, why add an overgrown child to the mix? It doesn't seem he adds anything to your life, ltb. Next time around do not set your standards this low, you sound like a capable women and deserve a lot better. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

Heffalooomia · 11/09/2020 12:46

Go on immediate strike
I agree that he deserves this but it will tip him off that something is up...
I would be strategic, don't do anything out of the ordinary but be very busy in the background
it will be a much more satisfying revenge in the long-term anyway, to have everything completely sewn up and there's nothing that he can do to counter you

AGoatAteIt · 11/09/2020 12:47

”What would you do?“

Erm... get fucking rid of him?! You’ve got a very long list of his all his bad points there including some quite big dealbreakers including doing literally nothing to coparent the children. There seem to be no positives to him as either a partner or a father so you might as well cut the useless sack of shit loose. Your life will easier without him anyway.

museumsandgalleries666 · 11/09/2020 12:47

chuck him out.

I don't know why you even need to ask.

NoPrivateSpy · 11/09/2020 12:47

OP, why does he fall asleep all the time?

Is it possible that he's really tired and that's making him really lazy and selfish...? Like, if he sorted out his own sleep routine, he might be more of a decent human being?

He doesn't sound like he thinks very much of you / your mum and all the extra stuff you do. He can't even step up when you're sick Confused

Stop doing his washing. Stop putting his clothes away. Stop cooking for him. Tell him you are leaving the house and he needs to bathe the children and put them to bed.
Why don't you try and see if he can do it?

ilikemethewayiam · 11/09/2020 12:47

I totally agree with PP’s, you need to get rid of this loser. He serves no purpose. He is completely surplus to requirements. my only concern is he is clearly not capable of ensuring the DC’s health and safety when he inevitably gets joint custody and lives in his new Sesspit of a House. This would scare me. He would be asleep while his kids were running riot and in all sorts of dangers and you will not be there to protect them. This is the sole reason my Mum didn’t leave my alcoholic Dad. The courts don’t seem interested in listening to Mothers genuine fear for their kids safety.

BewilderedDoughnut · 11/09/2020 12:49

Women need to STOP having children with unsuitable men!! The first one, ‘perhaps’ you didn’t know what you were getting yourself in to but the second and third are on you OP!

ParisianLady · 11/09/2020 12:49

What would you do?

Well, I'd leave him ASAP. Imagine how much easier your life will be without him, and his stinking, lazy, entitled self hanging around the place.

You don't need to justify it to anyone. You can end the relationship, any relationship, if you aren't happy. Walk away and live your own life free from him.

romeolovedjulliet · 11/09/2020 12:51

another one who can't believe you have stayed with him [and had more dc] if it wasn thar bad after the first one.
you couldn't pay me another to sleep with someone who sounds this revolting tbh.

peachescariad · 11/09/2020 12:53

Why are you still with him?