To give neither child an en suite??

[HamRadio]

Yes - first world problems I know.

My kids are 9 and 6. Two girls. We are about to move house and two of the bigger bedrooms have an en suite.

DH and I are having one. The other I was going to make a guest room/office. There are two decent sized bedrooms for the girls.

DD9 wants the en suite. She has been going on and on about it but I don’t want to give it to her.

Firstly, a nine year old does not need a bloody en suite.

Also, I don’t think it’s fair to let her have it and not DD2 so in my view the fairest solution is that neither of them has it (I feel like DD2 gets a lot of hand me downs etc and it’s an issue that I have become quite conscious of).

DH agrees with me but my sister thinks we are bonkers to make the second biggest bedroom a barely-used guest room and that it’s a waste of space.

Would appreciate some views...

I love posts like this when I can't sleep, the title makes it pretty clear it's a FWP, but I don't want to be thinking about real problems when I should be sleeping.

All the arguments to give eldest the ensuite are flawed as youngest will have the same issue (pp says she will need it for period privacy, but so will youngest) my second favourite suggestion (after yours) is to give it to the youngest.

Knock a hole through the wall and make the en-suite into a jack and Jill perhaps? 😁 I’d keep it for guests, but in the rare and unlikely event of an actual shower or loo queue allow anyone else to use it.

We have 4 bedrooms (but no ensuites- but 2 bedrooms do have sinks in!) and 2 DDs. One massive room, one big, 2 small but reasonable. DH I have the big one, DDs have a small one each, and the massive one is the guest room. But it's also the playroom.

You have to make the rooms work for you. Our 9yo doesn't mind having the small room as it's her private space. She has her books, her small double bed, her desk. Her sister is only allowed in at her invitation. She just considers herself lucky she doesn't have to share with her sister now.

Our neighbours, with no kids, use the small bedrooms as an office and walk in wardrobe.

I agree don't give it to them, better being fair with them.

We have a similar situation in our house now - although our baby is in a small double while our eldest has a larger room. If he spare en suite Room is attached to a similar sized bedroom.

when they get old enough, I plan on letting them pick who gets the en suite vs who gets the bigger room with the family bathroom (and only bath).

The smallest room will be the guest room, or maybe even a you room / stuffy for them. It’s barely used as a guest room and if we needed one on occasion our girls could share for a night. Why waste the space.

No one really NEEDS an en suite, but it’s nice to have and I don’t see the logic in saving it for guests who rarely stay over whilst denying it to someone who lives here.

I think the best rooms should be used by the people who live in the house! I never understand people that keep their nicest rooms for guests- how many guests do you have?
I would give it to your eldest and make the house bathroom your other daughters- put her towels in etc.

Agree 100% with you OP

I think keep it as a guest en-suite - and depending on where it's located in the house it could even be used as the loo for day guests so you won't have to worry about whether the main bathroom is tidy enough for guests.

I agree with you OP. You need office space and a guest room so it makes perfect sense. I’d go as far as to make the family bathroom the kids one and ‘ban’ yourself from it (apart from cleaning - I doubt you could rely on the children to do it!)

We've got a 2nd ensuite. It's the guest room and its staying that way.our two DC can share the family bathroom because they are children, and just because their parents happen to earn enough to afford to own a house with an extra ensuite doesn't mean they are going to get spoiled and given loads of stuff most children can't have. That's how you raise entitled lazy kids. If they want this stuff as adults they can get out and earn it themselves.

I don't think children need an en suite, but I also think it is weird to havce a bedroom with an en suite and turn it into an office. Why do that when the point of an en suire is to have a private bathroom connected to a bedroom? It seems selfish to deny it to your oldest daughter. Your younger daughter will inherit it when she gets older and will no doubt retain the right to have it seen as "her" room when she is in university, etc.

Bunkbeds. Make them share the room if it's so important to her.

You and DH could have a study each!

Agree with you OP! This also limits cleaning as guest bathroom will be used less frequently.

YANBU. With kids, unless there are different needs or preferences I would go with equity every time. Since the other two bedrooms are fairly similar the extra en suite should not go to either of them.

Your plan or give it to the youngest

I think you’ve got a fair solution with giving neither the en suite and I’d really suggest sticking to your guns.
Not meaning to suggest this will happen to your girls just to share my experience...I’m a younger sister and my older sister used to whinge and moan to get her own way, then have almighty tantrums until my parents gave in.
She learnt this is how to get her own way and to an extent still does this now, and my self esteem took a beating.

I agree keep it as a guest room, our ensuite room has been a God send in recent times as DSD has needed to quarantine recently and so used that room, it kept her self contained (DP is high risk for any illness never mind covid) for the time she had to wait for test results, A nice sized bedroom, bathroom, free WiFi and food delivered to her door made life easier all round,

Bless you OP. I was the youngest and confined to the box room my whole life while my older sister got the double bedroom. It seemed unfair at the time but you just didn’t question it.

No I wouldn’t give either of your DD’s the en-suite as you’ll have to clean it more often !

I’d stick to my guns. But the thing you need to remember to do is to ensure all the taps/shower/loo etc are run at least once a week for legionella concerns. For that reason multiple en-suites are a PITA. So having one DD in there would negate this issue, but cause hard feelings.

How often do you realistically have guests?

Unless you have regular visitors, it’s a wasted room, give to DD9, I don’t think 6 yr olds really care about a bathroom. Your home is for your comfort and your family not guests.

Keep it as a covid isolation suite.

I agree with you op, keep the 2nd en-suite as an office and spare room. I have 2 DDs and if I was to move into a house like that, I’d definitely not be giving the en-suite to the eldest. They can share the family bathroom.

I wouldn't want three bathrooms to clean every week.

Children don't need an en suite, especially when there are only two of them sharing the family bathroom. I agree with PP that it's good to grow up with some capacity to share and be flexible over living arrangements otherwise life after parents' house can be a struggle as it all comes as such a shock. They will still be luckier than many kids who grow up with shared rooms and one family bathroom, so not much to complain about.

There isn't one each for your girls anyway so no way of making it "fair" and you won't want to be dealing with arguments over it.

En suite loo will be handy for you when you're wfh in that bedroom and a nice extra for guests.

Ultimately it's your house not your sister's. I'd stick with your original plan if that's what you feel is best.

@celtiethree

We have a similar set up and the en-suite room is the spare room. I’d ignore your sister.

This.