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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give neither child an en suite??

426 replies

HamRadio · 10/09/2020 23:46

Yes - first world problems I know.

My kids are 9 and 6. Two girls. We are about to move house and two of the bigger bedrooms have an en suite.

DH and I are having one. The other I was going to make a guest room/office. There are two decent sized bedrooms for the girls.

DD9 wants the en suite. She has been going on and on about it but I don’t want to give it to her.

Firstly, a nine year old does not need a bloody en suite.

Also, I don’t think it’s fair to let her have it and not DD2 so in my view the fairest solution is that neither of them has it (I feel like DD2 gets a lot of hand me downs etc and it’s an issue that I have become quite conscious of).

DH agrees with me but my sister thinks we are bonkers to make the second biggest bedroom a barely-used guest room and that it’s a waste of space.

Would appreciate some views...

OP posts:
Boomclaps · 11/09/2020 01:59

@FrenchOrGreek

Surely this thread is a pisstake. Whether the 6 year old, or the 9 year old should have the 2nd en-suite or whether it should be retained for your guests! You're taking the piss.

How do you think this resonates with the people on here who are often juggling food or rent payments, or how to pay for childcare.
I call WUM.

I’m really poor. I live in a rental flat that takes up nearly 70% of my income, I’ve not had access to an oven for almost six months and it’s full of bloody black mould. I’m not sure the OP is taking the piss it’s just she’s got more money than me?!
HannaYeah · 11/09/2020 02:15

It's common place in the US for kids to have their own en suite bathroom just an fyi)

Erm, no. And anyway, why would that exactly make it a good idea?

TheHighestSardine · 11/09/2020 02:15

Either own it @FrenchOrGreek and be offended on your own behalf, or stop white-knighting for people who don't want or need your "concern". I'm in about the same sitation as Boomclaps and you do not represent me.

Blackbear19 · 11/09/2020 02:25

Op another thought is kids need to learn to share and keep a bathroom clean for the people coming behind them.

As an adult it's most likely that they will share a bathroom either with strangers in student accommodation or with a partner in a home.
Why give them a bathroom as a small child?

Inkpaperstars · 11/09/2020 02:34

I agree with you OP, if the rooms they are going to have are a good size then stick to your guns.

You could always use the guest room when no guests are staying as a room where someone could watch tv, or have a desk etc or let one of the girls use the bathroom as they get older if they start fighting for the shower.

FlamedToACrisp · 11/09/2020 02:35

In your situation, I would say no and keep it as a home office, but I would say DD1 can have the ensuite when she's 16. When DD2 reaches 16, if DD1 is still living at home, they swap rooms.

SleepaholicsAnonymous · 11/09/2020 02:54

@TheHighestSardine

Either own it *@FrenchOrGreek and be offended on your own behalf, or stop white-knighting for people who don't want or need your "concern". I'm in about the same sitation as Boomclaps* and you do not represent me.
👏👏👏

I agree. Absolutely no need for spiteful comments.

FrenchOrGreek · 11/09/2020 03:01

This reply has been deleted

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TinkersTailor · 11/09/2020 03:25

Every bedroom in my house has an en suite and DD (5) only uses hers for the toilet. I think it would be wasted on the 6yo.
As the 9yo is coming to the age of periods and wanting a bit of privacy, I'd be inclined to give it to her for now.
I imagine the novelty will wear off soon enough when she works out she needs to keep on top of cleaning it.

Leaving a nice room standing empty just because of the en suite is ridiculous. Younger DD (as PP have said) can have dibs on the main bathroom as her own.

FrenchOrGreek · 11/09/2020 03:34

This reply has been deleted

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Minimumstandard · 11/09/2020 03:38

Give it to your youngest daughter to make up for years of being overlooked in favour of the eldest Grin. Sounds like the eldest has got into an "I'm the best" mentality which I'd be trying to squish.

No, seriously, keep it as the guest room/office. Children don't need their own bathroom and I quite often end up in our guest room here (sadly no ensuite) when I'm ill or the weather's hot or I just want a bed to myself for a bit. So you could view it as "your" room and decorate it to your taste and make it a nice space for you. Also, the girls could borrow it when they're older for sleepovers which would mean both would benefit from it, not just one.

Take the older one shopping for some new stuff for her room to make it up to her for the disappointment. I would say take both, but she's less likely to kick off if you leave her sister at home and take her out for a grown-up "coffee" (sans caffeinated drink, obviously) as a treat.

TinkersTailor · 11/09/2020 03:43

@FrenchOrGreek What is up with you?

OP knows it's a first world problem, she said so herself.
We all know it's a first world problem.
MN wouldn't be MN without them.

StoppinBy · 11/09/2020 04:00

I would use the ensuite bedroom as a guest room.

Bugger cleaning three bathrooms just so a child can have a bathroom to themselves.

I grew up with one bathroom, our house now has one bathroom, we did and do just fine. Privacy is achieved by closing the bathroom door to shower and getting dressed in your bedroom.

BitOfFun · 11/09/2020 04:03

Every bedroom in my house has an en suite and DD (5) only uses hers for the toilet. I think it would be wasted on the 6yo.

And here's me thinking I'm posh because I have a downstairs loo Grin

Mumsnet is indeed the perfect place for competitive toilet posting. Wouldn't be the same without it.

SleepaholicsAnonymous · 11/09/2020 04:20

Wow @FrenchOrGreek why are you being so nasty?

Sparklfairy · 11/09/2020 04:31

@SleepaholicsAnonymous

Wow *@FrenchOrGreek* why are you being so nasty?
I've seen them being a cranky arse on other threads tonight. Must be awful being that miserable all the time.
Doryhunky · 11/09/2020 04:34

When I had my house extended I ended up with two Extra bedrooms of differing sizes. I kept the kids downstairs in the bedrooms which were equal size Despite dd pleas.

Avacadoandtoast · 11/09/2020 04:37

I agree with you OP - think you have it spot on with keeping it fair between your two kids.
Also surprised by the number of people that don’t think their guests would prefer an en-suite - we are considering changing a downstairs toilet to Jack and Jill with a bedroom / the hallway, just so a gust could have privacy if required. I also like how it gives a guest a nice clean space, rather than having to use the family bathroom which all the kids are using.

Anonincase · 11/09/2020 04:41

Guest bedroom for certain. Much better all round, privacy for guests, privacy for you and a good space for spare room for desk and/or if one of you is ill.

LH1987 · 11/09/2020 04:48

I am the youngest of three children and it is incredibly annoying when older siblings seem to get a better deal, simply because they were born first. I would have been very aggravated if my sister had an en-suite and I didn’t.

Also, the en-suite is very useful in a guest room.

NoWordForFluffy · 11/09/2020 04:53

@SleepaholicsAnonymous

Wow *@FrenchOrGreek* why are you being so nasty?
I've reported them.
NoWordForFluffy · 11/09/2020 04:56

I quite like PP's idea of the girls getting the en suite rooms and you not having one! But I'm not a big fan of them as they're a disturbance to the person who isn't in it, especially if one person has to get up early.

BitOfFun · 11/09/2020 04:57

Very true, NoWord!

HaggyMaggie · 11/09/2020 05:00

I agree OP, second child always gets the shit stick. Neither would have it in my house, it would be guest bedroom and office and they would share the family bathroom.

Wakeupalready · 11/09/2020 05:08

I agree with you.
Neither child gets the en-suite, and you use the room as an office guest space. It is none of your sisters business.

For me, the idea of cleaning a nine years olds bathroom would make me shudder, it would always be a bone of contention between the two children and when you have guests they don't need to share the family bathroom.

The fact that she has been relentless nagging about it, would be another reason for me to say no. We gave in to this type of pressure once with our youngest, and he assumed that this was the way to get anything unreasonable that he wanted . It took a while to dissuade him from this manner of approaching things ( completely out fault for caving for some peace).
Stand your ground and enjoy your new house.