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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give neither child an en suite??

426 replies

HamRadio · 10/09/2020 23:46

Yes - first world problems I know.

My kids are 9 and 6. Two girls. We are about to move house and two of the bigger bedrooms have an en suite.

DH and I are having one. The other I was going to make a guest room/office. There are two decent sized bedrooms for the girls.

DD9 wants the en suite. She has been going on and on about it but I don’t want to give it to her.

Firstly, a nine year old does not need a bloody en suite.

Also, I don’t think it’s fair to let her have it and not DD2 so in my view the fairest solution is that neither of them has it (I feel like DD2 gets a lot of hand me downs etc and it’s an issue that I have become quite conscious of).

DH agrees with me but my sister thinks we are bonkers to make the second biggest bedroom a barely-used guest room and that it’s a waste of space.

Would appreciate some views...

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 11/09/2020 00:56

What’s the layout of the house is there anyway to put in a door and make it a shared bathroom for the two of them ?

ZaraCarmichaelshighheels · 11/09/2020 00:56

@TheSunIsStillShining

Nope. If I had 2 I'd give the same to both. I have one son (15) and he does have an ensuite which I clean :( But he only got it as that is the much bigger room and he needs living space whilst we need a bed to crash on at night.
Not only have you given your 15 year old son the master bedroom with en suite, you also clean it for him? What that teaches him is that he is the most important person in the house and women are the ones who clean his shit up.
Original poster
HamRadio · 11/09/2020 00:57

I’m a wind up merchant because my circumstances are different?

Whatever. You know nothing about me. I hope you’ve commented the same thing on the other en suite-related thread.

OP posts:
Original poster
HamRadio · 11/09/2020 00:58

Floral no sadly not. A jack and Jill would be ideal.

OP posts:
Mincingfuckdragon2 · 11/09/2020 01:03

Also, FWIW I think we do our children a disservice by making home much much 'nicer' for them than anything they could possibly afford in their first say 5 years after moving out.

My 4 siblings and I shared a bathroom and shared bedrooms (the oldest got their own bedroom at 15). It meant that moving out into a share house didn't feel like a big step down - my first share house was not as nice as my family home, but at least I was used to sharing a bathroom so it didn't feel like a big shock.

I had a flatmate at one point who had had her own room and ensuite at home, and she absolutely hated having to share a bathroom (she had her own large room in a large 3 bed share house, but she genuinely felt hard done by because she had to share a bathroom with 2 other girls). Home will usually be 'nicer' than a first share house of course, but I think this made the transition out of home harder for her than it needed to be.

Itsatoughgig · 11/09/2020 01:05

Would a room share work? They have the room for a year at a time then swap? That way it’s not relegated to a spare room and neither DC is disadvantaged by not having the en-suite room.

Chloemol · 11/09/2020 01:07

YANBU. Have it as the guest room, office. The kids each have another room and share the main bathroom, that way it’s fair to both and you get a room you can use as the office as well, without your youngest feeling put out

Pobblebonk · 11/09/2020 01:10

@roadsurvey

I would find another house that suits you better. What a waste of an ensuite. I may be in the minority here but when you buy a house you should want to use the facilities for you and your family that live there, not for the occasional guest.
But it's highly likely that the en suite will be used when the room is being used as an office, so I can't see that that's an issue.
Slinkymalinky1 · 11/09/2020 01:10

We've got 2 en-suites the 2 children got them. We have the big bathroom to ourselves.

FrenchOrGreek · 11/09/2020 01:12

@HamRadio

I’m a wind up merchant because my circumstances are different?

Whatever. You know nothing about me. I hope you’ve commented the same thing on the other en suite-related thread.

I think that you doth protest too much.
blaaake · 11/09/2020 01:14

Some of the comments on this thread are a bit Hmm

FWIW, I really don't understand the whole 'eldest has to have the better room' thing. Have it as your office/guest room, OP - makes the most sense as you can be undisturbed whilst WFH and neither of your girls draws the short straw.

Original poster
HamRadio · 11/09/2020 01:14

Yeah and I think you’re jealous as fuck Smile bye

OP posts:
nancybotwinbloom · 11/09/2020 01:16

Is there an option to make it a Jack n Jill bathroom? So one bathroom but with a door to the bathroom from both sides?

Slinkymalinky1 · 11/09/2020 01:19

[quote TheSunIsStillShining]@Fungster
Because we literally go in the bedroom after 11pm and come out in the morning. We live and work in the big living room. We have our workplaces, books, stuff in the living room. Only have clothes in the bedroom.
Son needs to be able to have friends over, has to have space for bed + workspace + books + clothes + games + drumkit + guitar and amp.
In this context I think it makes perfect sense to not waste a big master bedroom for the sake of just it being there empty all day so we -the parents- can say we have it.[/quote]
I'm with you here. Kids need more space as they spend more time in their rooms. I spend most of my time downstairs, entertain friends downstairs etc and literally use my bedroom to sleep. Kids study, have friends over, chill etc in their rooms, so why not let them have the bigger space.what is it with adults demanding the biggest room just to make a point 🤷‍♀️

Nyclair · 11/09/2020 01:20

Guest room/office. Keep it fair with the kids

starfishmummy · 11/09/2020 01:27

Older child gets room and ensuite but in return has to move out of it when there are guests??

she'll be sneaking in anyway

BitOfFun · 11/09/2020 01:27

TBF, HamRadio did warn it was very much a First World problem. This wouldn't be Mumsnet without the issues of the ridiculously privileged.

BitOfFun · 11/09/2020 01:28

Don't you think that's unfair to the younger daughter, starfish?

TomBradysLeftKneecap · 11/09/2020 01:28

But if DC1 has their en suite, then the main bathroom is free to DC2. That's how the bathrooms work here. DH and I share ours. DC1 has an ensuite, DC2 and 3 have a Jack and Jill (ie an en suite with inter connecting doors) and DC4 doesn't have one so uses the main bathroom.

CloudyGladys · 11/09/2020 01:30

None of your DSis's business. You and DH have made a decision which is reasonable and fair. A 9-year-old shouldn’t get to dictate arrangements for the whole household, especially where the impact will be to create extra work (or cost if you employ a cleaner) for you and DH as there will be 3 bathrooms to clean instead of 2.

aintnousernamelikenousername · 11/09/2020 01:38

Don’t give the en-suite room to the 9 year old. But let her use it as her bathroom and the 6 year old can use the ‘family’ bathroom unless you have guests in which case they both use the ‘family’ bathroom. That way everyone gets their own bathroom but no fall out over who has the en-suite bedroom.

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 11/09/2020 01:40

I’d give both kids a bedroom with en-suite. Then you have the bedroom without one and use the family bathroom as your bathroom. Bedrooms become far more important to kids than adults.

DeRigueurMortis · 11/09/2020 01:48

YANBU.

I abhor this premise that the older child should get "the best" of everything.

It's unfair to younger children.

If you have your own en suite then it's actually a luxury for both children to have "their" own bathroom that they won't have to share with guests.

Our second en suite is a guest room and it works well.

Guests get the privacy and in turn so do the family by not having to share "our" bathroom spaces with guests.

What posters advocating giving your elder DD the second en suite are saying is that not only does the younger not get her own bathroom she has to share it with guests - unlike any other person in the household.

Equally the idea she can vacate her room when guests stay is ridiculous.

Firstly there will be holy hell in trying to "evict her" and tbh rightly so - it's either her room or it isn't. She won't want other people in her room with her things.

Secondly who wants to stay in a teenagers bedroom?

Thirdly every time you'd be changing the bedding/cleaning in two rooms to accommodate one set of visitors.

It is a first world problem and that's what you need to tell your DD9.

She's bloody luck to have her own bedroom and share a bathroom with one other person only - her sister.

There are countless children who'd love the former and feel blessed at the latter.

HelloBolloxMyOldFriend · 11/09/2020 01:54

It's common place in the US for kids to have their own en suite bathroom just an fyi

What part of the US exactly?

Blackbear19 · 11/09/2020 01:58

I'd keep it as a guest room / office / toy room.
It leaves you options as family life evolves, my friends DH uses their guest bathroom as it avoids disturbing her when hes getting up early for a shift.
If you give it to the 9yo now it's very difficult to then remove it at a later date.

Kids certainly don't NEED their own bathrooms, wtf a couple of generations ago folk were still sharing an outside loo with the next door neighbours!