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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give neither child an en suite??

426 replies

HamRadio · 10/09/2020 23:46

Yes - first world problems I know.

My kids are 9 and 6. Two girls. We are about to move house and two of the bigger bedrooms have an en suite.

DH and I are having one. The other I was going to make a guest room/office. There are two decent sized bedrooms for the girls.

DD9 wants the en suite. She has been going on and on about it but I don’t want to give it to her.

Firstly, a nine year old does not need a bloody en suite.

Also, I don’t think it’s fair to let her have it and not DD2 so in my view the fairest solution is that neither of them has it (I feel like DD2 gets a lot of hand me downs etc and it’s an issue that I have become quite conscious of).

DH agrees with me but my sister thinks we are bonkers to make the second biggest bedroom a barely-used guest room and that it’s a waste of space.

Would appreciate some views...

OP posts:
PutBabyInTheCorner · 12/09/2020 21:32

Sounds like you want to make it the guest room so do that.
I don't have any ensuites, just a bathroom but if it was me I'd give it to my daughter. I don't have many guests so would be a waste of a room. I've 3 kids and my youngest has a tiny room which might seem unfair compared to her siblings.

Croleeen · 12/09/2020 21:35

Why don't you just say the 9 year old can use the ensuite bathroom if she cleans it herself but not have the room. The 6 year old can use the family bathroom. So they both have the same deal.

WendyE · 12/09/2020 21:38

I think you're right, you can't give to one dd and not the other.
Perhaps I'm behind the times but why would a 9yo want an ensuite anyway?

Secondsop · 12/09/2020 21:47

You’re doing the right thing and your daughter absolutely should not be going on and on about it and that’s something I would be speaking to her about in your position - you are the grown ups and you are in charge and whilst it’s fine for her to have a view and it’s right that you listen to it, she has not put forward anything persuasive and she doesn’t get to dictate the room arrangements. You have good reasons for your decision. It’s not as if you’re withholding something essential from anybody here and neither are you making an arbitrary decision; you have a sensible day-to-day usage in mind for the spare room (and it will handily have an “office loo”) so it’s not just sitting there empty and unused, and no child needs an ensuite unless there is a special reason for it - nobody buys a house to be able to say “and the great thing is, little isadora can finally have an en-suite”. your girls are very fortunate to have a bathroom that they’re not sharing with the whole family. I don’t get this thing about children needing the privacy of an unshared bathroom or it being an issue if they are sharing with one other same-sex sibling. It’s hardly a room where lots of exciting things happen and where a child will miss out on something if they don’t have unfettered access.

We have a downstairs study / guest room with an ensuite (the ensuite is a utility / downstairs shower-room so is used all the time). I know guests are less frequent these days but when we do have them it’s for weeks on end so it really is incredibly convenient for them to have their own ensuite. Some people seem to have missed the fact that guest use is not the sole use of that room for you; it is very sensible for you to have a dedicated home-working space that isn’t squished into the smallest bedroom given you spend several awake hours a day in it. Stick to your guns.

Kateguide · 12/09/2020 21:56

We have 2 ensuites. 1 for us and 1 in the guest bedroom. Our 2 boys (8 + 5) have 2 decent sized bedrooms. They share the family bathroom.
When guests stay over I find it much easier that they are in their own space and self contained.
It means that I don't have to clean an extra bathroom week in, week out.
It also wouldn't be fair on the youngest one. Your oldest dd would use it for the next 10 years until she goes to uni/college. Then your youngest gets to use it for 2 years? Doesn't seem fair to me

RevolutionRadio · 12/09/2020 22:16

@dee1975 what if your oldest goes in to the room at 16 and then doesn't go to uni? Will you kick her out so the youngest can have it when she's 16?

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 12/09/2020 22:27

get a decent sofa bed for guests, and set it up as an office/study rather than a bedroom. My sofa bed is as comfortable as my bed.
Presumably its all on on the same floor as other bedrooms, so DC could use the ensuite when no guests.

Sunshineface123 · 12/09/2020 22:34

I think your way is the fairest. Having an en suite when guests stay will be great. And if when they're teens and going out etc one could use the en-suite shower if the other was in the main bathroom as a sort of spill over bathroom. Definitely don't just give it to your eldest I think that wouldn't be fair on the younger one, plus another bathroom for you to clean!

rennieroo · 12/09/2020 22:34

When we moved into our loft extension with en suite 2 years ago our now 13yr old ds moved into our old bedroom with en suite. Our now 5 yr old ds doesn’t have an en suite. Our other option could have been to use the room as a guest room/20 yr old ss room but it’s a big room and would be a waste for it to be empty

DiWoo · 12/09/2020 23:04

not RTFT but
if you want to have an office-cum-guest room with en suite that's perfectly reasonable, no 9 or 6 yo needs an en suite
if you want alternative suggestions then perhaps give both girls a room with an en suite freeing up the (presumably bigger) bathroom for you and DH
or give it to the eldest when she turns say 15 with the proviso she cleans the en suite and then when the younger turns the same age, it's her turn

Dee1975 · 13/09/2020 02:13

Well, yes!! Ha ha! Although they will have 10 years warning ...
Who knows what will happen in the next 10 years anyway, but that’s what we say for now.

2bazookas · 13/09/2020 02:52

Give the girls rooms without an en suite but tell them they can use the ensuite in the guest room so long as there are no guests staying. That way neither has to wait for a bathroom, you get more use out of the second ensuite, but neither DC takes possession of the guest bedroom.

plinkplinkfizzer · 13/09/2020 03:00

this will ' encourage 'guests and you will get sick of them . Can you make a ' jack and jill ' en suite for your kids as surely should enjoy the extra space too .

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 13/09/2020 03:10

Well you couldn’t give an en suite to one and not the other. YANBU

MyWitzEnd · 13/09/2020 08:22

No - build an outside lav and make her share it with the whole street!

GYNisaliarWTF · 13/09/2020 10:17

From the POV of the younger child (Same age gap between my older sister and I)
I think you’re perfectly reasonable to be avoiding the favouring of one. Your six year old won’t be six forever. She will also start to compile a list of things that her sister got for being the first born, as I did this by default. My parents bought a second house with some inheritance and it was always referred to as ‘DD1’s house ... I never got a house.... because there wasn’t two available... see the similarities?
I appreciate a whole house is on a grander scale but personally I’d not give it to either of them, children don’t need en suite bathrooms PLUS look at it like this-

You won’t have to add that bathroom to your cleaning schedule if it’s hardly ever used, it’ll just need a spruce before guests stay. (This point alone would sell me tbh)

Grin
bonbonours · 13/09/2020 10:25

It depends how often you have overnight guests. We rarely do, so I would be inclined to give the older one the en suite and then the younger one gets her own bathroom too. Seems pointless making them share a bathroom when you have three bathrooms available.

Sackofspuds · 13/09/2020 10:28

Think it's pointless to leave it empty half the time. Give it to eldest for 2 years and then they swap.

Sackofspuds · 13/09/2020 10:31

Loving the arguments she doesn't need an en suite. No one needs an en-suite. It's a luxury! But why on earth would you not want your whole family to have whole use of your family home? Madness.

RadicalFern · 13/09/2020 10:38

OP I think your reasoning is sound. A big spare room makes a great home workspace when you don't have guests, and let's face it we're all likely to be doing quite a lot of working at home.

Additionally as someone currently sharing a single bathroom with 3 other housemates I'm a bit Hmm at all the previous posters saying it's unfair to make two children share a bathroom!

Firebird83 · 13/09/2020 10:50

We had this situation when I was younger. My parents gave me the room with the en suite and my brother had the family bathroom as his own.

Burnthurst187 · 13/09/2020 11:04

I read earlier this week on MN that en suites are not to be used for a number two. You have to use the communal loo

Would you be able to explain that to a nine and six year old?

Weebitawks · 13/09/2020 11:07

I would give it to your daughter. The younger will get the main bathroom by default then everyone will have generally have their own bathroom as they get older.

Peacocking · 13/09/2020 11:12

I'd make the ensuite into a guest room x lounge with a really good sofa bed so it can be a living room with bathroom for the girls and easily transformed into a guest room if visitors come. That way it gets loads of use, the space isn't wasted in the slightest and everything is fair

Yippeeforme · 13/09/2020 11:15

I think guests will greatly appreciate having their own ensuite and not queuing for the family bathroom.