Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give neither child an en suite??

426 replies

HamRadio · 10/09/2020 23:46

Yes - first world problems I know.

My kids are 9 and 6. Two girls. We are about to move house and two of the bigger bedrooms have an en suite.

DH and I are having one. The other I was going to make a guest room/office. There are two decent sized bedrooms for the girls.

DD9 wants the en suite. She has been going on and on about it but I don’t want to give it to her.

Firstly, a nine year old does not need a bloody en suite.

Also, I don’t think it’s fair to let her have it and not DD2 so in my view the fairest solution is that neither of them has it (I feel like DD2 gets a lot of hand me downs etc and it’s an issue that I have become quite conscious of).

DH agrees with me but my sister thinks we are bonkers to make the second biggest bedroom a barely-used guest room and that it’s a waste of space.

Would appreciate some views...

OP posts:
Porridgeoat · 11/09/2020 23:53

You’re working from home lots so more reason to have the larger room with en-suite for an office.

Bikingbear · 11/09/2020 23:53

@toconclude

It may be commonplace but it's bloody ridiculous and wasteful. Shared bathrooms waste less water and energy.
How do shared bathrooms waste less water?

Surely water usage is per person rather than per bathroom?

Porridgeoat · 11/09/2020 23:54

Both girls can use en-suite when they like but have their own smaller bedrooms

jessstan2 · 12/09/2020 03:27

@toconclude

It may be commonplace but it's bloody ridiculous and wasteful. Shared bathrooms waste less water and energy.
Except when everyone is getting ready in the morning.

We only had one bathroom (a second toilet downstairs), but only had one child. If we had had another we planned on building another bedroom over the garage which would have had an en suite but didn't happen.

I think it would be lovely to have a bathroom to yourself and it seems wasteful to keep that room as a guest room when one of the household's residents could use it.

The other child will have virtually sole use of the main bathroom so - why not?

Krabapple · 12/09/2020 06:06

We had this issue with 2 girls similar age. The eldest got the en-suite based on the fact she was by far the tidiest. All happy as the other one has the family bathroom more or less to herself.
It seems such a waste to use it as a guest room.

Thecobwebsarewinning · 12/09/2020 10:19

@toconclude

It may be commonplace but it's bloody ridiculous and wasteful. Shared bathrooms waste less water and energy.
As someone upthread has already said - how can this be the case? I use the same amount of water to flush the loo, brush my teeth, wash my face, shower etc whether I do these things in the family bathroom or An en-suite bathroom.

The only waste could arguably be cleaning products, I have to sprinkle scouring powder down multiple toilet bowls before scrubbing them or spray Koh on multiple shower screens rather than just one before cleaning them.

whattodo2019 · 12/09/2020 10:24

Unless you have a lot of visitors coming to stay why leave an en suite never being used! Can you turn the en-suite into a Jack and Jill bath room. Luckily we were able to do this and we have a fab solution for both kids

RevolutionRadio · 12/09/2020 11:03

@whattodo the ensuite will be in the office. The OP is working from home so it will be used.

Bikingbear · 12/09/2020 11:25

The only waste could arguably be cleaning products, I have to sprinkle scouring powder down multiple toilet bowls before scrubbing them or spray Koh on multiple shower screens rather than just one before cleaning them.

Even the cleaning is a weak argument, if two people are sharing a bathroom it needs cleaned more often?
So no more bathrooms don't equal more water.

ittakes2 · 12/09/2020 11:45

I would give the oldest the en-suite and the family bathroom would be the 6 year olds. Then I would also give something extra to the 6 year old that they wanted. Two teens sharing a bathroom when you have a spare? Makes no sense to me. Unless you live in a mansion unlikely the family bathroom is that far from the 6 year olds bedroom and at 6 they are unlikely to care.

tobedtoMNandfart · 12/09/2020 11:48

Haven't RTFT.
This is how it plays out if it helps. We moved house 10 years ago. DD1 got the biggest bedroom (no en-suite) on the proviso she had to vacate for guests. This went by the wayside. She will finally vacate this room having had it age 9-19. Meanwhile DS has had a small room age 6-16. And DD2 has had the TINY room age 4-14.
So I'd be very careful about fairness to all parties. HTH

BBCONEANDTWO · 12/09/2020 11:53

Is the ensuite right next door to the other bedroom if so you could have done one of those Jenny and Janet bathrooms with a door leading into both rooms and a lock on each door for when one of them is using it?

UrbanAli · 12/09/2020 11:57

I think you’re being very reasonable. It’s never nice to share a bathroom with hosts when you’re a guest and it doesn’t matter if the bathroom is mainly unused. Who wants to have to clean 3 bathrooms when there are only four people in the house? Stick to your guns. She’ll get over it!

reader12 · 12/09/2020 12:01

I’d keep it as a guest room, especially if you have parents/in-laws who visit a lot. Guests will really appreciate it and the girls will be fine.

LampGenie · 12/09/2020 12:13

@lanthanum yes but you did buy it the en-suite and the cost of the property would have factored that in. That’s the reality you are in and I still don’t get why you wouldn’t use something you paid for. Saying that I expect DD to keep it in order (tho the cleaner cleans it).

You did make me think about my parents who are used to all levels of convenience on a day to day basis and would def prefer the convenience of an en suite due to getting older but I doubt they would expect a room to be left empty for them. I dunno tho - maybe your grandparents are with you each weekend or so tho making their needs for the en-suite bathroom more of a regular priority?

I still don’t get the attitude of leaving rooms for guests over your own children. What I have will go to DC and them alone when I am dead, why would anything I can provide them with go to anyone else in the meantime?

thatplaceinjordan · 12/09/2020 12:22

If you regularly have guests or have guest who stay for a long visit then it makes much more sense to have an ensuite.

I agree that you have 2 kids close in age and there really is no reason for 1 to have the ensuite and one not to if there is another option.

Could the girls share the ensuite on the proviso they clean it?

My eldest has long hair so her job is to keep the shower drain free of it.
They both clean the sinks

Metothee · 12/09/2020 12:33

We also have two DDs and our second ensuite is a spare room. We live hours from my family and often have people coming to stay though. It's nice to have a guest room set up for them and their own bathroom for privacy. However, if I lived in my home town and rarely had guests I'd give the room to one of my DC when they're a bit older (preschoolers now so not worth the risks!)

IntermittentParps · 12/09/2020 16:49

Can you turn the en-suite into a Jack and Jill bath room

Is the ensuite right next door to the other bedroom if so you could have done one of those Jenny and Janet bathrooms

NO. Read what the OP says.

it seems wasteful to keep that room as a guest room when one of the household's residents could use it.

One of the household's residents IS going to use it. Or maybe two – the OP and her DH are working from home and that's a major reason to want the room as an office.

Can people not read? Or are you being deliberately obscure?

CatteStreet · 12/09/2020 17:08

More bathrooms than anyone needs tbh. But I agree with you. 3 years isn't a huge age gap and there will be resentment. I also think it's not great to get children used to too much 'luxury' too early. A family bathroom is perfectlx adequate for two children. Later on, in their teens, you can allow them to use it as a 'spare' bathroom when the other one is engaged, but it won't formally belong to the one or the other.

I'm sure the 9yo loves the idea of it more than she would the reality. Could you make it up to her by getting the dc some fantastic furniture for their new rooms?

Having the ensuite as an 'office loo# will be convenient for you, and also having children's friends, exchange students etc to stay later on will be a lot easier on all involved.

CatteStreet · 12/09/2020 17:09

sorry for typos.

billy1966 · 12/09/2020 17:12

Definitely not.
Keep as office/guest.

If you give it, you are storing up resentment and you are locked into a situation that may not suit you at another time.

Having their own bedrooms is enough.

Do not engage in any discussion AT ALL.Flowers

coldwarenigma · 12/09/2020 17:30

I would put both in together to share in the room with ensuite and then have the 2 other rooms as office space to WFH. Wink

Galdos · 12/09/2020 17:31

If any child gets their own bathroom, how will they learn to share as they almost undoubtedly will have to when they leave home? Growing up, there were 7 of us and one bathroom … I have not got out of the habit of showering at 6.30am …! (Which is a good habit in my view.)

Commonwasher · 12/09/2020 17:39

I think it’s good to learn to share, if not a room, then a bathroom.

I’d say either both share the bedroom with en-suite or it’s a study. Can you imagine the shock going into student housing when you’d got used to being provided with your own room and personal bathroom facility?!

Supermum29 · 12/09/2020 17:43

My mum gave my younger sister a bedroom with an en-suite she must have been around the same age (I lived with dad and visited weekends). My sister barely used it to be honest and when she did it was for things like make up and other bits little girls generally make a mess with!! I’d say keep it for guests as it’s nice for them to have their own bathroom when they visit. A nine year old does not need an en-suite and I say that as a mother to a 9 year old girl.