To think this mum should have been more concerned

[consideratealpaca]

Dd9 has an account on a popular online gaming platform. During lockdown she spent a reasonable amount of time playing this game with her class friends from school. One particular girl and DD have butted heads a few times and fell out, which to me seemed like normal kid like behaviour and I wasn't concerned.
Despite me trying to persuade DD not to, she opted to spend some of her birthday money on 'diamonds' to enhance her game experience. I think she spent roughly £100 in dribs and drabs, which I wasn't impressed about, but it is her money when all is said and done.
Last week she came to me and said her account had been 'hacked' and all her diamonds, special objects etc had been stolen. She was then shut out of her own account. It finally transpired that she'd given the girl in her class who she frequently argues with her log in details.
Ordinarily I wouldn't particularly care but this child has stolen the things she bought with her birthday money as well as all the credits she had accrued in game play.
The girls had a brief exchange on WhatsApp and the class friend admitted she had taken my daughters diamonds etc and then changed her password.
I'm pretty sure I can take back control of the account for her, but everything is now lost. Her friend meanwhile, has all of my daughters diamonds and credits.

I messaged the mother of the child in question and whilst the message was read, it was ignored. So I approached her in a polite and friendly way in the playground this afternoon. I was hoping that she'd be shocked at her daughter's behaviour and perhaps we'd get an apology at least. I do not want to be reimbursed for the lost money, and stated that from the start.
The mother's reaction was just to shrug and waffle about not getting involved. Am I right to be mildly pissed off, or ridiculous for making an issue of it to begin with?

Jez the DM is crazy. I'd definitly speak to the school before her ex friend spreads rumours your DD is the thief.
Roblox investigated job done. At least the friendship has ended every cloud.

I missed your update where roblocks got involved. Excellent outcome. The mother now knows your not a pushover and your dd knows she can come to you with any issue and she isn’t punished Sounds great to me

Just came on to say that this thread has really changed my opinion about kids spending money on in-app purchases. Initially reading the OP, my thought was, "That is a LOT of money to spend on absolutely nothing."

But as the thread has gone on, I've realised that most kids spend money on "absolutely nothing" - magazines bought for the shit gifts on the front, McDonalds toys, pound shop crap - and it all ends up in landfill. If this brings a child joy, and is their money to spend, then it's a much more environmentally friendly toy. We need to get away from the concept of "real world" and "virtual world".

My personal caveat - as the OP seems to have done - would be no purchases without my express go-ahead; I can very much imagine DD8 getting carried away spending in-game money, and then regretting it as she grows out of the game.

OP the "I can't believe you let your DD spend £100 on gambling" is all getting a bit "cancel the cheque" isn't it.

I'm amazed you've had the patience to explain your viewpoint 50 billion times....

Thanks @nanbread It's been frustrating, I'm not going to lie.

I'm glad this thread has changed the viewpoint of a few posters. I honestly don't know what my children would have done with themselves during lockdown if it wasn't for their gaming. DP bought an Oculus VR back in April because he was concerned that DD is normally very active and that she'd just vegetate on the PC for months. She uses that loads...is an expert at Beat Saber now and it's kept her fit and active. Gaming can have so many benefits!

I agree it's the others here, I would let your daughter's school know as soon as you can what's going on. And just in case the person you speak to is a dense as some on here, make sure you word it just right.

Your Dd has been playing a computer game for the past 9 months using around £2.50 a week of her pocket/birthday money OVER 9 MONTHS (emphasis this) and this has come to a substantial amount being on her game account. A child in her class asked to get access to help her then changed her password and stole her account. You approached the mum who gave you shit and basically told you she didn't care her child had stolen from your daughter. You left it as she was confrontational and simply contacted the game makers who reinstated her game credits and returned the stolen account.
The mother has now been exceptionally aggressive and angry at you for her daughter losing the stolen goods and is likely to cause a scene at school at drop off and pick up. Her daughter may also start on yours.

The school may have someone out to monitor the school drop offs, or they might ask you to take your DD in through the reception area or something. They will also keep an eye on her for retaliation by this girl.

The woman does sound like a complete piece of shit.

@ChesterDrawsDoesntExist Yes, good advice, thank you. I'll approach DDs class teacher tomorrow and let her know what's going on. I really hope this woman doesn't embarrass herself or me tomorrow morning, but I know she loves a bit of drama so I'm expecting something to kick off. 🙈

Do you think the school have time to deal with the fact that OPs daughter isn't internet security savvy? Giving out log in details freely? @ChesterDrawsDoesntExist

Surely as a parent she can't blame the school for that? It's Het responsibility to ensure that her DD is safe online.

Not the schools, not the other mothers.

Jeez some parents just want to blame everyone but themselves!

@Corono

Do you think the school have time to deal with the fact that OPs daughter isn't internet security savvy? Giving out log in details freely? *@ChesterDrawsDoesntExist*

Surely as a parent she can't blame the school for that? It's Het responsibility to ensure that her DD is safe online.

Not the schools, not the other mothers.

Jeez some parents just want to blame everyone but themselves!

I'm not blaming anyone for the log in detail debacle other than myself and DD, so fuck knows where you got that idea from. I'm blaming the other girl for the theft and the mother for not dealing with it, and also allowing her daughter access to porn.

I'm glad you're blaming yourself @consideratealpaca because your DD is nine!

It's not the schools responsibility to police outside activities.

That's your job,

And also, yes I absolutely do think the school have time to address the fact my daughter breached her online security by giving out her password. Schools nowadays teach online safety as a matter of priority, and clearly she needs reminding how important it is to stay safe online.

And also, yes I absolutely do think the school have time to address the fact my daughter breached her online security by giving out her password.

But this was done during lockdown, when they couldn't do that.

Sometimes schools are the best place for children to learn about these issues. A few years back there was a phase at my daughter's school that children were swapping toys without their parents knowledge/permission (action figures that cost about a tenner type things). Despite parents saying "do not do that" it still happened because children are...well.. children and half of what they hear from parents is "blah blah blah" to them.
However having a serious school assembly with the headteacher telling them they are not to do this and why they shouldn't worked and the swapping stopped.

OP seriously you have the patience of a saint, I have never seen so many sanctimonious parents in one place. All these parents who think they are amazing for not allowing their children to spend their own birthday money on their interests.
Then the amount is too high (some people would be shocked that my DD used to get similar amounts and more on birthdays, some years all as vouchers for games). Then to have outrage at a game you have no understanding of, when your error is pointed out rather than putting your hands up and apologising but still going! Hope they are not modelling that behaviour to their DC!

Glad justice was done, definitely let the school know. Schools do teach internet security as a priority as everything is online (although reading this thread you wouldn't think so). They tend to teach it every year so she would have been taught it at school but maybe the school needs to do a reminder as so many kids would have been online over lockdown.

Its sad that people are so handwringing on here they get past gaming amd are more hung up in that then actual theft! it is a lesson learnt regarding logins and security but a painful one, non the less.

@bookmum08

Sometimes schools are the best place for children to learn about these issues. A few years back there was a phase at my daughter's school that children were swapping toys without their parents knowledge/permission (action figures that cost about a tenner type things). Despite parents saying "do not do that" it still happened because children are...well.. children and half of what they hear from parents is "blah blah blah" to them. However having a serious school assembly with the headteacher telling them they are not to do this and why they shouldn't worked and the swapping stopped.

This. We had assemblies over tiktok,roblox,whatsapp,instagram etc. , including assemblies that parents attend.

Sometimes it worked,sometimes it didn't but we do have a duty to safeguard pupils and warn parents.

We also have many many lessons about internet safety. Pretty pointless if when there is an issue we just shrugged our shoulders and said it's nothing to do with us.

The teacher needs to know anyways in case this spills out into the classroom/the playground. A friendship (no matter how shit) has been ruined,and going by the other mum's attitude they might not go quietly.

So yes,the school needs to know.

I'm really glad to hear that your DD got her diamonds etc back, and that the other child's were taken away. This is only fair.

And agree with others that it would be good for the school to know, not just from online safety point of view, but also in case of any fallout for other (awful) mother.

Good luck!

You've done a fucking excellent job OP! Tomorrow morning should be entertaining while you're talking to school.

Just drove past her and she gave me the finger. 😆 I don't think I've ever seen her outside school before so that was bad luck!

OP you just need to remain calm. Remember there will be CCTV and other parents about.

I would repeat - I don’t wish to get involved. Smile.

You’ve don’t nothing wrong. Keep that in your head.

I guarentee you that you arent the only parent who's kids have had shit from this mother's daughter

Just drove past her and she gave me the finger. 😆 I don't think I've ever seen her outside school before so that was bad luck!

😂 She sounds lovely.

@consideratealpaca

I've just had contact from the mum on Facebook messenger. She said 'why have you got roblocks to take all XXXXXX's stuff! She's crying now and I've got a very sad little girl all weekend thanks a lot!' sic.

As suspected, of course she gives a shit when its her kid. She could have avoided this, easily. No sympathy if all of Xs items have been taken for cheating. Maybe she will learn the lesson..and the mum might not react with indifference in the future..