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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mum should have been more concerned

735 replies

consideratealpaca · 09/09/2020 20:07

Dd9 has an account on a popular online gaming platform. During lockdown she spent a reasonable amount of time playing this game with her class friends from school. One particular girl and DD have butted heads a few times and fell out, which to me seemed like normal kid like behaviour and I wasn't concerned.
Despite me trying to persuade DD not to, she opted to spend some of her birthday money on 'diamonds' to enhance her game experience. I think she spent roughly £100 in dribs and drabs, which I wasn't impressed about, but it is her money when all is said and done.
Last week she came to me and said her account had been 'hacked' and all her diamonds, special objects etc had been stolen. She was then shut out of her own account. It finally transpired that she'd given the girl in her class who she frequently argues with her log in details.
Ordinarily I wouldn't particularly care but this child has stolen the things she bought with her birthday money as well as all the credits she had accrued in game play.
The girls had a brief exchange on WhatsApp and the class friend admitted she had taken my daughters diamonds etc and then changed her password.
I'm pretty sure I can take back control of the account for her, but everything is now lost. Her friend meanwhile, has all of my daughters diamonds and credits.

I messaged the mother of the child in question and whilst the message was read, it was ignored. So I approached her in a polite and friendly way in the playground this afternoon. I was hoping that she'd be shocked at her daughter's behaviour and perhaps we'd get an apology at least. I do not want to be reimbursed for the lost money, and stated that from the start.
The mother's reaction was just to shrug and waffle about not getting involved. Am I right to be mildly pissed off, or ridiculous for making an issue of it to begin with?

OP posts:
bookmum08 · 12/09/2020 22:08

wasn't I meant to say.

bookmum08 · 12/09/2020 22:11

Corono I keep my Lego as safe as I can but if someone broke in my house to steal it I expect they would take it all in one go.

Corono · 12/09/2020 22:12

Corono it was £100 stolen in one go it was £100 worth of stuff. You know like if someone broke into your house and stole your TV, laptop and phone. Different stuff that you purchased at different times but stolen together.

@bookmum08 do you really think a nine year old would think that way....... or would she think I used £100 of my birthday money to buy that?

Honestly, are we now actually saying to nine year olds that lose money on gaming etc, it's ok it wasn't really £100 cash, it was virtual so it no longer counts as cash.

She's nine and used her birthday money, which she very nearly lost!

bookmum08 · 12/09/2020 22:12

So if my Lego was stolen have I lost Lego or Money Corono?

Corono · 12/09/2020 22:13

@bookmum08 would you give the people who wanted to steal your Lego the key to your house?

You know to make it really way for them?

caughtalightsneeze · 12/09/2020 22:14

She's not an adult, she's a child and losing that sort of money for a nine year old is traumatic.

Traumatic Hmm

She hasn't just witnessed her family being murdered or been involved in a massive car accident, or been abused by a trusted adult. Have some perspective.

SeaEagleFeather · 12/09/2020 22:16

good god Corona, are you on glue?

Corono · 12/09/2020 22:16

@caughtalightsneeze op did describe her daughter as being in bits !

Corono · 12/09/2020 22:16

Do expand @SeaEagleFeather

claireb707 · 12/09/2020 22:17

[quote Corono]@bookmum08 would you give the people who wanted to steal your Lego the key to your house?

You know to make it really way for them? [/quote]
Jesus will you give it a rest, you really are like a broken record...

A broken record on glue admittedly but a broken record all the same

bookmum08 · 12/09/2020 22:17

And if the 9 year old had chosen to spend £100 on Lego (which depending on sets could be just 2 or 3 sets) and her friend had stolen the sets because she had the friend round to play and didn't notice her friend stuffing the Lego in her bag because she had briefly left the room to go to the loo would you say "oh well you took your eyes of your friend and weren't watching her every move so never mind. Tough luck. You've lost your £100".

caughtalightsneeze · 12/09/2020 22:19

What if the 9 year old spent £100 on a bike. And she rode to the park and left it down whilst she went down the slide and then some bigger kid stole the bike.

Was she too young to have a bike?

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 12/09/2020 22:19

[quote Corono]@caughtalightsneeze op did describe her daughter as being in bits ! [/quote]
Well of course! Because she was upset and someone she considered a friend stole from her! She's bot scarred for life though.

She'd feel the same if the friend came to her house and the friend stole a bracelet,or her Legos or whatever.

bookmum08 · 12/09/2020 22:22

No Corono I wouldn't give people my house key but I would hope that anyone I considered a friend is someone I can trust and not expect them to steal from me. That friendship rule should be the same at age 9. No one can ever can guarantee 100% that the people they let into their lives will always be law abiding. But we have to take the risk or else have no friends and be very very lonely.

Corono · 12/09/2020 22:31

@bookmum08 are you honestly telling me that you'd say to a nine year old it's ok to share online log ins? You'd say it's fine if they are a friend, just trust them?

Doesn't internet security teaching say never share log in details with anyone?

I most certainly wouldn't take this approach.

WineAndTiramisu · 12/09/2020 22:32

Wow, this is classic Mumsnet... I think computer games are rather odd and haven't played any since an occasional go on Civ at uni, but a 9yo spending about £10 a month on something she enjoys, especially over lockdown, doesn't seem excessive. It was 1/4 of her birthday money, spent over a long time. I really don't see what the fuss is...
Also, WhatsApp? Why is it different to text messages? She told her mum about the photo, not sure what else people would want?
Glad the games speaker people are looking into it and have reinstated her diamonds.

bookmum08 · 12/09/2020 22:46

Corono no I wouldn't say that. Not at all. The child made a mistake. Children do that. She will have learned from this. This was a school friend she shared with. Not a random unknown online 'friend'.

Kazakaren · 12/09/2020 23:02

Goodness, the ranters on here, so invested in how your child spends her pocket money 🤣

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 12/09/2020 23:19

Oh @Corono just fucking stop. You clearly know absolutely nothing about Roblox or what 9 year olds like to do. You keep bleating on about OP giving her child £100 to be trusted to know what to do with it. No. OP has clearly paid each and every small purchase. Them newfangled thingemabobs called compoooters don't take pocket money cash you know. There's no slot for the pennies for the lassie to use. That's called the disk drive.

Corono · 12/09/2020 23:24

@ChesterDrawsDoesntExist 😂 yeah great parenting, totally nailed the "do not share log in details", smashed it totally!

But hey she "thought" her nine year old was sensible enough.....

If it's no big deal and it's not £100 and a nine year old can deal with it, why the big fuss about theft and getting the crystals that have no actual value back?

Nope sorry online game or not, £100 was deemed to have been stolen and recovered and Op needs to think how she's going to stop
her DD being a victim again.

Kazakaren · 12/09/2020 23:36

Nope sorry online game or not, £100 was deemed to have been stolen and recovered and Op needs to think how she's going to stop
her DD being a victim again

Well I'm pretty sure that ops child will not hand her password out again. So all good.

Original poster
consideratealpaca · 12/09/2020 23:41

DD trusted her friend. She was naive and stupid beyond belief, but this has been a massive learning curve for her. I don't need to think about anything...she's learned her lesson, you can't trust anyone outside the family.
It actually isn't a big deal to us at all, I said from the outset I don't care about being reimbursed. All I wanted was an apology. No apology was forthcoming, which is why I pursed it further. Her daughter needs to learn that stealing doesn't pay off.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 13/09/2020 07:20

Just caught up on the thread. My dd is 12. We have a mother and child like this. She and her dd have had the most ridiculous reactions to my dd just being her. Yet she couldn’t give a stuff that her dd has been bullying mine for months. But god forbid mine would do something silly that most 12 yos would do!

You’ve got guts to have said what you did. Seeing the reaction to your message about keeping the girls apart, I clearly need to work on my assertiveness! Tomorrow will be interesting... this mother has been slagging us off in my village. I’ve no doubt there will be an interesting spin on your story, rather like there is here....

SeaEagleFeather · 13/09/2020 07:53

alpaca corona's getting off on winding everyone up here

Your daughter wasn't naive and stupid beyond belief. It's normal to trust a friend. It should be normal. If a 9yo doesn't trust her friends then something is severely wrong.

Now she's learned to just look after her own things a bit more, and to be careful who to trust, which is no bad lesson.

lifestooshort123 · 13/09/2020 08:12

What a lot of nastiness on here. I'm sorry for your daughter, she trusted a friend and had that trust broken. This was an important lesson to have learnt so young but a valuable one and it will make her more wary in the future. You sound a lovely mum and I'm glad you got her diamonds back for her. The point of your post was, if I remember correctly, that this other mum wasn't bothered and I agree totally that she was bang out of order by your code of ethics (which sound the same as mine) but obviously true to hers. Learning the difference between right and wrong is one of the most important lessons and sounds as though this other mum just doesn't get the memo.

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