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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mum should have been more concerned

735 replies

consideratealpaca · 09/09/2020 20:07

Dd9 has an account on a popular online gaming platform. During lockdown she spent a reasonable amount of time playing this game with her class friends from school. One particular girl and DD have butted heads a few times and fell out, which to me seemed like normal kid like behaviour and I wasn't concerned.
Despite me trying to persuade DD not to, she opted to spend some of her birthday money on 'diamonds' to enhance her game experience. I think she spent roughly £100 in dribs and drabs, which I wasn't impressed about, but it is her money when all is said and done.
Last week she came to me and said her account had been 'hacked' and all her diamonds, special objects etc had been stolen. She was then shut out of her own account. It finally transpired that she'd given the girl in her class who she frequently argues with her log in details.
Ordinarily I wouldn't particularly care but this child has stolen the things she bought with her birthday money as well as all the credits she had accrued in game play.
The girls had a brief exchange on WhatsApp and the class friend admitted she had taken my daughters diamonds etc and then changed her password.
I'm pretty sure I can take back control of the account for her, but everything is now lost. Her friend meanwhile, has all of my daughters diamonds and credits.

I messaged the mother of the child in question and whilst the message was read, it was ignored. So I approached her in a polite and friendly way in the playground this afternoon. I was hoping that she'd be shocked at her daughter's behaviour and perhaps we'd get an apology at least. I do not want to be reimbursed for the lost money, and stated that from the start.
The mother's reaction was just to shrug and waffle about not getting involved. Am I right to be mildly pissed off, or ridiculous for making an issue of it to begin with?

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 13/09/2020 08:20

It’s theft. I’d want money back! What a horrible, nasty child and her mother is not teaching her right from wrong.

SeaEagleFeather · 13/09/2020 10:15

The OP contacted hte game company, got the stuff reinstated. The other girl's mum sadfaced on Facebook and said how bad it was her little girl was sad now. The OP set the record straight.

Doggodogington · 13/09/2020 10:21

Ah I’m so glad your little girl had her things back. Well done for standing up for her.
I can’t believe the pearl clutching on here! Better £100 spent on something she enjoys than a load of plastic tat That ends up in landfill. Or would they rather she bought shares with it, dabbled with the stock market. She has a house to buy don’tcha know?
My kids save some and spend some of their birthday money. My DS spend his on V-Bucks for fortnite, it’s what he enjoys. Why would I force him to buy something he wouldn’t enjoy? That would just be a waste of money. Happy birthday DS, here’s your birthday money, now, don’t buy anything you like with it, could you just spend it on books and educational toys please. Imagine getting money for your birthday and the giver telling you what you could and could not buy with it? You’d be very Hmm

PablosHoney · 13/09/2020 10:48

My child only has colouring pencils and one piece of paper 😂😂 also @Corono, get a life.

bookmum08 · 13/09/2020 11:15

Pencils AND crayons. Ooh that's gonna spoil your kid.
Amusingly last night my daughter got me to play Roblox with her (she hasn't played it in ages). Basically our characters went up and down in a lift. Every so often the doors would open and you had a couple of minutes of running around whatever land it was (we did some cow tipping) and then back in the lift.

bookmum08 · 13/09/2020 11:16

Sorry - Pencils AND paper I meant to say Grin

Doggodogington · 13/09/2020 11:25

@PablosHoney what a waste of money, back in the 80s, we used sticks and mud and were only allowed draw scenes from History or do algebra. By 14 I’d saved enough money to buy my own house 💁🏽‍♀️

PablosHoney · 13/09/2020 11:52

@bookmum08 @Doggodogington 😂😂😂

SoManyActivities · 13/09/2020 11:55

People get very rude when they are on the defensive don't they?! Like I said before, I think the OP needs to worry less about what other parents are doing and concentrate on how she is going to prevent her own DD from being exploited and seeing porn online again in the future. That's it, that's all I would be concerned about in this situation.

frustratedstep · 13/09/2020 12:21

@Ditheringdooley well yes it is quite a difference... £45 over 9 months compared to £100 is actually a big difference in my opinion.

MsEllany · 13/09/2020 12:24

@whirlwindwallaby

Not the same. Terraria is £7, DS has logged 416 hours in the last 7 years on that. He has many other games but that is his most played. He has spend £20 on games in the last 9 months. You can buy excellent games for not much money at all

I’ve played over 3000 hours of Sims in 3 years. 400-odd hours in 7 years suggests he doesn’t like it much.

Just wanted to point that out as I’m not sure what you mean by saying this.

gamerchick · 13/09/2020 12:27

[quote MsEllany]@whirlwindwallaby

Not the same. Terraria is £7, DS has logged 416 hours in the last 7 years on that. He has many other games but that is his most played. He has spend £20 on games in the last 9 months. You can buy excellent games for not much money at all

I’ve played over 3000 hours of Sims in 3 years. 400-odd hours in 7 years suggests he doesn’t like it much.

Just wanted to point that out as I’m not sure what you mean by saying this.[/quote]
Heh I thought similar. I get around 300 hours of a game in the first year Grin

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 13/09/2020 12:30

@bookmum08

Pencils AND crayons. Ooh that's gonna spoil your kid. Amusingly last night my daughter got me to play Roblox with her (she hasn't played it in ages). Basically our characters went up and down in a lift. Every so often the doors would open and you had a couple of minutes of running around whatever land it was (we did some cow tipping) and then back in the lift.
Ah "The Normal Elevator". It's really quite inventive. Mini games every time the elevator doors open where you can either stay put and not earn points or whatever the reward is or run around the mini game quickly before getting back on. Did you get to the Jurassic Park type level? Getting eaten by the TRex breaking through did make me chuckle a bit.

I never play but have watched the kids and this one was one of the silliest but funniest.

Original poster
consideratealpaca · 13/09/2020 13:01

@SoManyActivities

People get very rude when they are on the defensive don't they?! Like I said before, I think the OP needs to worry less about what other parents are doing and concentrate on how she is going to prevent her own DD from being exploited and seeing porn online again in the future. That's it, that's all I would be concerned about in this situation.
The irony, of being told to concern myself less with what other parents are doing. Hmm
OP posts:
bookmum08 · 13/09/2020 13:09

ChesterDraws I spent most of it walking into the wall because I couldn't figure how to control it ! And random jumping "why am I jumping - what did I press" !

Glittertwins · 13/09/2020 13:11

Hope everything is okay at school tomorrow @consideratealpaca

bookmum08 · 13/09/2020 13:12

Oh hang on - I did get eaten by a shark.

LUZON · 13/09/2020 13:20

I don’t think it was that stupid for the OPs daughter to trust a friend. She is only 9. Look at all the millions of Mumsnet threads where adults have made a mistake by trusting other adults.

Also, not sure what all the worthy things other kids spend their money on but mine must has spent hundreds and hundreds on magic cards. They are fully functioning adults now but will still buy a pack every now and then when they meet up.

whirlwindwallaby · 13/09/2020 13:21

[quote MsEllany]@whirlwindwallaby

Not the same. Terraria is £7, DS has logged 416 hours in the last 7 years on that. He has many other games but that is his most played. He has spend £20 on games in the last 9 months. You can buy excellent games for not much money at all

I’ve played over 3000 hours of Sims in 3 years. 400-odd hours in 7 years suggests he doesn’t like it much.

Just wanted to point that out as I’m not sure what you mean by saying this.[/quote]
I meant that he has got a lot of enjoyment out of it for the cost. He played it a lot when he was younger like the OPs child but still often spends an hour or two on it. He was a child for much of that time and did many things other than gaming.

SoManyActivities · 13/09/2020 13:27

The irony, of being told to concern myself less with what other parents are doing.

Lol, that's true actually! Although you did start a thread so presumably wanted advice? 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
consideratealpaca · 13/09/2020 13:34

@SoManyActivities

The irony, of being told to concern myself less with what other parents are doing.

Lol, that's true actually! Although you did start a thread so presumably wanted advice? 🤷‍♀️

Yes, of course. Advice on whether or not I was being silly to expect an apology for the theft issue, not a bollocking for my parenting choices, which are fuck all to do with anyone else. 🤷‍♀️ What's resulted is a bunch of posts from people outraged that I let my child spend £100 of her own money, outraged that it was on gaming, outraged that she uses my WhatsApp, outraged that she saw an inappropriate image.... Non of these people really seem to be outraged at the theft. 🤷‍♀️ So I assume these posters are the usual crowd found on AIBU, who get their rocks off by being dicks on mumsnet.
OP posts:
BluebellsGreenbells · 13/09/2020 13:50

I think your only reply should’ve been ‘I’m not getting involved’ same as she said initially!

I would head into school and let the teacher know about the issue, only because it might backlash your daughter.

I hope this child has been blocked on all platforms now.

pepperwood · 13/09/2020 13:51

Blimey, just caught up on this thread. The fucking drama and judgment from some people is hilarious. 😄

@consideratealpaca I really would report all this to school. There's every chance this will spill over into the classroom and they need to know about the picture and the theft plus her mother's ridiculous reaction.

Anxiousmess01 · 13/09/2020 13:55

@consideratealpaca Op this whole thread has had me howling with laughter - not the aibu, the responses. I’ve felt like banging my head against a brick wall for you (and your gambling, porn addicted, WhatsApp loving daughter Wink)

£100 on roblox over a 9 month period which has included almost 6 months off school and lockdown is not a big deal imo. Could spend that on one family cinema trip! Well done on managing to get the items back, and for dealing with the other parent. Tbh I’m shocked that she had the audacity to have a go at you!

Calabasa · 13/09/2020 14:07

good grief..

i'm a gamer, and so are both my kids (and my 67yo mother ftr) we ALL spend money on games and DLC within them.

My DS has Autism and doesn't play like NT kids.. his games are his passion so all he ever gets for birthdays and christmas are gift game cards to spend on his online games.

Some people on here need to un-ass their heads.

OP, i either of mine did what that child did, you'd have gotten an apology, a refund and my child would have been apologising and then banned off that game for life, and probably their consoles for quite some time!!

Theft is theft....you wouldn't expect a child allowed into your kids bedroom to just help themselves to your childs toys and leave with them... OLC is no different.

Glad Roblox came through for you.. ignore the cowbag, and please do report the porn to the school safe guarding team.. on top of the theft, that child clearly has some issues that need addressing.

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