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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this mum should have been more concerned

735 replies

consideratealpaca · 09/09/2020 20:07

Dd9 has an account on a popular online gaming platform. During lockdown she spent a reasonable amount of time playing this game with her class friends from school. One particular girl and DD have butted heads a few times and fell out, which to me seemed like normal kid like behaviour and I wasn't concerned.
Despite me trying to persuade DD not to, she opted to spend some of her birthday money on 'diamonds' to enhance her game experience. I think she spent roughly £100 in dribs and drabs, which I wasn't impressed about, but it is her money when all is said and done.
Last week she came to me and said her account had been 'hacked' and all her diamonds, special objects etc had been stolen. She was then shut out of her own account. It finally transpired that she'd given the girl in her class who she frequently argues with her log in details.
Ordinarily I wouldn't particularly care but this child has stolen the things she bought with her birthday money as well as all the credits she had accrued in game play.
The girls had a brief exchange on WhatsApp and the class friend admitted she had taken my daughters diamonds etc and then changed her password.
I'm pretty sure I can take back control of the account for her, but everything is now lost. Her friend meanwhile, has all of my daughters diamonds and credits.

I messaged the mother of the child in question and whilst the message was read, it was ignored. So I approached her in a polite and friendly way in the playground this afternoon. I was hoping that she'd be shocked at her daughter's behaviour and perhaps we'd get an apology at least. I do not want to be reimbursed for the lost money, and stated that from the start.
The mother's reaction was just to shrug and waffle about not getting involved. Am I right to be mildly pissed off, or ridiculous for making an issue of it to begin with?

OP posts:
caughtalightsneeze · 12/09/2020 21:33

Corono you've got very strong opinions on a game that you clearly don't have a clue about.

whirlwindwallaby · 12/09/2020 21:33

@MintyMabel

DS played PC games too, just not the kind you throw small amounts of money at for months and months.

One big expenditure v lots of little ones. Same difference.

Not the same. Terraria is £7, DS has logged 416 hours in the last 7 years on that. He has many other games but that is his most played. He has spend £20 on games in the last 9 months. You can buy excellent games for not much money at all.
Corono · 12/09/2020 21:34

@bookmum08 so it doesn't give you superiority by having the odd £100 worth of crystals?

caughtalightsneeze · 12/09/2020 21:34

[quote Corono]@consideratealpaca I agree with you!

[/quote]
I'm pretty sure it was you she was saying was superior, not me Grin.

Corono · 12/09/2020 21:35

@caughtalightsneeze er I'm still allowed an opinion on not properly supervising a 9 year old, because you thought she was sensible enough to be trusted ... at 9!!

Original poster
consideratealpaca · 12/09/2020 21:36

[quote Corono]@bookmum08 so it doesn't give you superiority by having the odd £100 worth of crystals? [/quote]
Does it really matter? Hmm We had the money to give to our daughter, she spent some of it on something she enjoys doing. It's no one else's business what we do with our money. Back off already.

OP posts:
Corono · 12/09/2020 21:36

I'm pretty sure it was you she was saying was superior, not me

Er @caughtalightsneeze I agree, she was!

Where did I mention you in that? 🙄

caughtalightsneeze · 12/09/2020 21:38

[quote Corono]@caughtalightsneeze er I'm still allowed an opinion on not properly supervising a 9 year old, because you thought she was sensible enough to be trusted ... at 9!! [/quote]
That's a totally different issue. You were criticising the way she was playing the game, talking about winning and losing and buying superiority.

Corono · 12/09/2020 21:39

Despite me trying to persuade DD not to, she opted to spend some of her birthday money on 'diamonds' to enhance her game experience. I think she spent roughly £100 in dribs and drabs, which I wasn't impressed about, but it is her money when all is said and done.

Sorry but sometimes as a parent, when you're not happy you have to say NO!

Look at the problems it's caused!

caughtalightsneeze · 12/09/2020 21:42

@Corono

I'm pretty sure it was you she was saying was superior, not me

Er @caughtalightsneeze I agree, she was!

Where did I mention you in that? 🙄

Well you seemed so pleased at the insult that I thought you were laughing because you thought it was aimed at me.

But if you feel that not understanding a popular online game is an indication of being a superior parent then that is how you feel.

Original poster
consideratealpaca · 12/09/2020 21:43

@Corono I'm perfectly capable of saying no to my children, thank you. I choose my battles though.
She had endless amounts of enjoyment during lockdown from Roblox. Unfortunately another child has caused an issue, but we have no regrets about letting DD play the game or spend a portion of her birthday money on it.

OP posts:
bookmum08 · 12/09/2020 21:45

It would only make you feel 'superior' if that's they way you have been taught to think. Some adults seem to think buying a handcrafted £1000 bookcase is far superior to a £15 ikea one and no one should ever buy that cheap stuff. But you know what - if I visit a friend I wouldn't know their bookshelf cost nor would I care.

Howmanyhourswastedfindinganame · 12/09/2020 21:46

I just can’t get past a 9 year old child spending £100 on gaming 😮

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 12/09/2020 21:48

@Corono it's obvious you have no idea about the game ,how it's played or what it entails.

Which makes your outrage seem rather silly.

Corono · 12/09/2020 21:53

@consideratealpaca your daughter was not mature enough to deal with £100 worth of virtual crystals be she's she's 9!

You caused an issue by exposing your child to a situation she was t able to deal with, but you though she was "sensible", clearly not.

She nearly lost 25% of her birthday money because of it.

Sorry, but you need to also own it.

Online game, with that amount of money needs very careful monitoring, it wasn't and look at all the problems it's caused.

The other child was also dealing with lax parenting.

Would you have tucked £100 in her pocket and sent her down the road alone to buy herself something, you effectively done this online?

Why could you have not given her £5 at a time, why was the other child able to "steal" £100 all together?

I'm sure I'll be told I don't understand, but effectively you trusted a nine year old with £100 cash in hand.

Original poster
consideratealpaca · 12/09/2020 21:54

@Howmanyhourswastedfindinganame

I just can’t get past a 9 year old child spending £100 on gaming 😮
Don't worry, you're not alone. Grin But it's our money and we'll spend it how we like. £100 was spent over 9 months by DD. It's hardly frivolous to my mind, but then I must be the world's worst parent. It's like a competition, who can raise a child in the grimmest possible circumstances. There'd be uproar if mumsnet found out how much I spend on DDs clothes, shoes, hobbies, Christmas etc.
OP posts:
bookmum08 · 12/09/2020 21:56

Howmany for gaming £100 isn't a massive amount. It's the cost of about 3 Nintendo Switch games. Since January we have bought my daughter 3 Switch games. One we probably wouldn't have normally paid full price for (we usually buy secondhand but this was a new release). We decided to pay the extra cost because it was lockdown and we were stuck indoors.

Corono · 12/09/2020 21:56

@ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble clearly you think giving a nine year old £100 and trusting she's sensible enough to be able to look after it, is really very silly!

Because as proved here, she wasn't?

Lucky to get it back, but no nine year old should be able to lose £100 like that! They need guidance.

Not saying I understand the game, but saying that's too much responsibility for a nine year old.

We all parent differently, thank goodness.

Corono · 12/09/2020 21:58

But it's our money and we'll spend it how we like. £100 was spent over 9 months by DD. It's hardly frivolous to my mind, but then I must be the world's worst parent.

But it was stolen in one go?

Your daughter was not mature enough to look after it!

TheLastStarfighter · 12/09/2020 22:00

[quote Corono]@consideratealpaca your daughter was not mature enough to deal with £100 worth of virtual crystals be she's she's 9!

You caused an issue by exposing your child to a situation she was t able to deal with, but you though she was "sensible", clearly not.

She nearly lost 25% of her birthday money because of it.

Sorry, but you need to also own it.

Online game, with that amount of money needs very careful monitoring, it wasn't and look at all the problems it's caused.

The other child was also dealing with lax parenting.

Would you have tucked £100 in her pocket and sent her down the road alone to buy herself something, you effectively done this online?

Why could you have not given her £5 at a time, why was the other child able to "steal" £100 all together?

I'm sure I'll be told I don't understand, but effectively you trusted a nine year old with £100 cash in hand.
[/quote]
FFS Corono RTFT and you can answer your own question, because the answer is no, it’s not the same thing, and yes, you clearly don’t understand!

gamerchick · 12/09/2020 22:00

Why could you have not given her £5 at a time, why was the other child able to "steal" £100 all together

Are you drinking? I'm baffled at your posts, it's like you're having a completely different conversation to everyone else Grin

bookmum08 · 12/09/2020 22:03

I have spent more than £100 over lockdown on Lego (for me) and husband similar amount on Airfix. As consideratealpaca says it's our money so we can choose to spend it on what we want. Lego is my hobby, Airfix his, gaming is my daughter's. I read posts on Mumsnet about people buying expensive make up and face creams and jewellery. I personally think that's ridiculous and would feel it's a dreadful waste of money if someone bought me a £100 worth of jewellery but that's their choice if that's what they want to spend their money on.

Corono · 12/09/2020 22:04

@TheLastStarfighter and @gamerchick

Quote from OP

I'd be mortified if my child stole something worth £100.

So I based my answers on the child losing a £100?

She wasn't mature enough to safeguard her "purchases", because she's nine!

bookmum08 · 12/09/2020 22:07

Corono it was £100 stolen in one go it was £100 worth of stuff. You know like if someone broke into your house and stole your TV, laptop and phone. Different stuff that you purchased at different times but stolen together.

Corono · 12/09/2020 22:08

@bookmum08 did you buy the Lego and have the ability to keep it safe? Is it 25% of your savings?

We are talking about a nine year old, who had proved she's not able to safeguard her property.

She's gone online and "lost" her money, as OP had now update has been very lucky to recover it.

She's not an adult, she's a child and losing that sort of money for a nine year old is traumatic.

I'm not sure why you would compare and adult with a nine year old.

She was given too much responsibility and that's not good.

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