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AIBU?

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Original poster

To break the "why?" cycle with every child?

179 replies

00100001 · 07/09/2020 16:04

So, I can't stand the "why?" Cycle. Drives me crazy, I refuse to be drawn into it with kids.

Eg
Adult: we have to go home
Kid: why?
Adult: because it's 3
Kid: why?
Adult: because that's the time

Etc as the kid finds it amusing that the adult is getting all flustered and annoyed.

My go to is 'I will only answer proper questions, so ask me again properly'. They occasionally ask me one, maybe two follow up questions.

According to a friend, I'm spoiling the kids fun Confused

OP posts:
44PumpLane · 07/09/2020 16:06

This is ingenious and will now start using this on my 3.5 year old twins!!

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/09/2020 16:08

It's their way of finding out information, exerting their limited power and learning about how language works. I quite enjoyed it. Thinking up imaginative answers.

Everysinglebloodytime · 07/09/2020 16:11

Why though?

JalapenoDave · 07/09/2020 16:12
  1. Get gaffer tape
  2. Cut a small piece of said gaffer tape
  3. Slap it over kid's mouth

Sorted

WunWun · 07/09/2020 16:13

@MrsTerryPratchett

It's their way of finding out information, exerting their limited power and learning about how language works. I quite enjoyed it. Thinking up imaginative answers.
Yeah, of course you enjoyed it. What a saint.
Oysterbabe · 07/09/2020 16:13

"because I said so and that's the end of it"
All further Whys are ignored.

zippityzip · 07/09/2020 16:14

I stopped my DD by responding "WHY do YOU think"
Make them answer their own question. Helps them develop their critical thinking apparently.
God it's annoying though.

Standrewsschool · 07/09/2020 16:14

My kids answer everything with ‘why’ also. Drives me potty.

Alternatively, they’ll answer ‘don’t know’. Ie. Do you want some cake. ‘Don’t know’. I usually reply that that means a ‘no’, because if they Wanted it, they would have said ‘yes’.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/09/2020 16:16

Yeah, of course you enjoyed it. What a saint.

Believe me, I'm a lazy and crappy parent in many ways. Playing with dolls or 'imaginative play' makes me want to stab my own eyeballs in 5 seconds. But this, I liked. We all have things we like in parenting, right?

EatDessertFirst · 07/09/2020 16:16

I found 'because I said so' is the only real answer.

speakout · 07/09/2020 16:16

Why is a wonderful question.

To be encouraged.

susandelgado · 07/09/2020 16:20

My dm's answer to me : Y is a crooked letter Wink

DolphinsAndNemesis · 07/09/2020 16:22

It's an important developmental stage for children. Of course, it can also be soul-destroying for the parent answering the "why is the sky" sort of questions. After a while, a bit of distraction can undoubtedly be quite useful. But the children are asking proper questions (for them) and I wouldn't just shut them down every time.

WunWun · 07/09/2020 16:23

@speakout

Why is a wonderful question.

To be encouraged.

Really? In the context the OP mentions?
Gancanny · 07/09/2020 16:26

I love the 'why' stage too.

Now my older DC never ask 'why' because they know it all...

KitKat2020 · 07/09/2020 16:31

It's their way of finding out information, exerting their limited power and learning about how language works.

This with bells on. It’s a developmental stage!

When children ask the question ‘why?’ , they often mean ‘tell me more about this’ or ‘ I would like you to explain this further to me’. or ‘what are the reasons for this?’

Sometimes they ask a question just for the sake of continuing a chat. Which is absolutely fine, unless you are of the belief that children should be seen and not heard!

Paraphrasing the child’s question and putting it into a sentence helps them learn language.

Saying something like ‘you would like to know why we go home?’ and then a follow up, ‘why do you think that might be?’ can break the cycle. As can asking ‘what would you like to know?‘

The child then knows they have been heard, and that their voice is valued.

Oysterbabe · 07/09/2020 16:32

There's a big difference between asking why because they are curious about something and them saying it over and over again because they know it's annoying and think it's funny.

AnneTwackie · 07/09/2020 16:35

The kids I know do it out of habit sometimes. Unless I think they’re actually curious I say ‘why is a good question’ and change the subject.

riotlady · 07/09/2020 16:36

I like asking “why what?” so they have to actually formulate a question. Distinguishes between curiousity and just repeating “why” for the sake of it.

MellowMelly · 07/09/2020 16:37

My 3.5 year old went through this ‘why’ stage. I thought she would grow out of it. She’s 18 now and still needs to know ‘why’.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/09/2020 16:37

@Oysterbabe

There's a big difference between asking why because they are curious about something and them saying it over and over again because they know it's annoying and think it's funny.
Developing humour is important too. They aren't Ricky Gervais at that age but they want to make people (and themselves) laugh because it's a great feeling.
D4rwin · 07/09/2020 16:39

People that don't ask 'why' don't really need to live in a democracy do they!? Why on earth would you actively discourage curiosity.

Topseyt · 07/09/2020 16:39

@Oysterbabe

"because I said so and that's the end of it" All further Whys are ignored.
That was also my response to this sort of thing.
RubixMania · 07/09/2020 16:40

Ds3 (3) has been stuck at the ‘why’ stage for about 6 months, even when it makes no sense. It so irritating.

‘Mummy can I have a biscuit?’
‘Yes, there are chocolate or plain’
‘Why?’
‘Because there fucking are darling. That’s why’.

oldmapie · 07/09/2020 16:41

Mine never asked 'why' until the watched fucking peppa pig. Then 'why' became constant! Moral of the story...don't let them watch that fucking obnoxious pig Peppa pig!