To break the "why?" cycle with every child?

[00100001]

So, I can't stand the "why?" Cycle. Drives me crazy, I refuse to be drawn into it with kids.

Eg
Adult: we have to go home
Kid: why?
Adult: because it's 3
Kid: why?
Adult: because that's the time

Etc as the kid finds it amusing that the adult is getting all flustered and annoyed.

My go to is 'I will only answer proper questions, so ask me again properly'. They occasionally ask me one, maybe two follow up questions.

According to a friend, I'm spoiling the kids fun

Why is the grass green?
Why do dogs bark?
Why can’t we ride horses everywhere like cowboys anymore?
Why can’t we clone a dinosaur like the do in Jurassic Park?

These are all fantastic questions- great starting points for learning.

I think the age of the kids is relevant. A 9yo being ridiculous to wind their parent up is different to a 3/4/5yo at the 'why' stage of their development.

DS is 4 and asks a lot of questions, I actually do really enjoy it. He started the 'why?' At 3 and I tried to encourage him to ask a proper question instead of just repeating 'why?' but I never dismissed his questioning.
I'm definitely not a saint, I often make up excuses about why I'm far too busy to play 'cars and dinosaurs' right now.

@speakout

00100001

Because to have an inquisitive mind is one of greatest gifts we can give a child.
For so many important reasons..

@speakout Why?

It's an important developmental stage, and it helps them to engage in a conversation when they have limited abilities to keep one going. I quite enjoy coming up with outlandish reasons why certain things, or counting how far we get into it before I just don't have a reason and have to say I don't know. I'm a crap parent in other ways, but I do find the whys endearing. I sometimes ask 'why what?' just to check we're still on actual questions and not just parroting the word why.

I always took "why" to mean "tell me more, talk to me".
< looks back fondly 20 years ago to the why phase>

exactly transcript with 6 year today
Dinner is in 20 min
Why, I want to play longer
Explanation, why, explanation why
Because I said so FML

I have gone a bit soft on the "because I said so" . So today we have decided for every ridiculous and unnecessary Why - 5c will be deducted from their pocket money. 1 and only 1 warning will be given

when they used a click counter to see how many he asked in 2 hours it was over 300

Like this

The why stage has been going on for about 6 years at my house. Honestly thought it would only be a little phase while she was a toddler bit nah still going strong

I quite liked to why stage too. Perhaps encouraged it too much because my kids still have to know ‘why’ for everything which is fine for interesting discussions but less than ideal when I’m asking/telling them to do something.

i get that it's annoying but it's just your kids trying to learn about the world around them. they're being curious.

if you tell your kids 'i told you so' now, they won't ask you bigger and more important questions when they're older. they'll grow up lacking in intellectual curiosity.

I don't mind answering reasonable questions, I'm glad my kids are inquisitive and I also dislike "because I said so" being used as a shut down. But FML it's hard dealing with repeated why questions, especially when they don't make any sense and you need to engage your brain in something important like following directions or remembering what's on your shopping list. I am definitely guilty of snapping "it just is, ok?" after one too many whys.

"Why?" can be tiring but it is very important. They are observing the world and asking how it works. Mine over lapped on it so had it for YEARS. I got smart at a certain point and got a few, old fashioned encyclopedias! Bliss....

@MrsTerryPratchett yes!!!! When he asked the why does dogs bark it was to his granda. He then went on to ask who invented the dog lead? And I don’t mean the normal ones I mean the stretchy ones granda 🤣 he’s brilliant I would love to live in his world for a day lol 😂

There is a difference to why is grass green/why do dogs bark etc etc, and you should try and answer to the best of your abilities and when they use why to stall or because they realise it's winding you up and think it's funny please put your shoes on/why/because it's time to go/why/because we need to catch the bus/why etc etc. In this case I used to answer Why not?

My dnephew told me that ds needed to go to speech therapy as he was always saying “why”. Dnephew was 5 at the time and ds was 3!

@zippityzip

I stopped my DD by responding "WHY do YOU think" Make them answer their own question. Helps them develop their critical thinking apparently. God it's annoying though.

I do this too! It really does stop tte why thing, but now I have two very opinionated kids 😂

Proper response
"Why do YOU think ^insert questions here^?

There is nothing wrong with kids asking why. It is wonderful how they are filled with wonder. But if it becomes a habit or a game you should shut it down yes.

Your initial example in your original post was lazy answerinf by you though and very unhelpful. That is a "no wonder your kid will continue to say why" example 😉

I remember my friend saying the "why" phase is closely followed by the "no it isnt" phase. My 9 year old is definitely in that bracket. She loves to tell people they're wrong and its so rude and infuriating. We've had many conversations about how it's possible to know more than someone on a certain topic, or think you do, without crowing about it and putting them down.

Rather than the sort of closed answers ' because it's 3.00' they want to know why 3.00? Why not 4.00? 'Because we have to collect your sister from school at 3.30 and if we're late she'll be worried'. I used to hate it as a child when my mother used to say 'because I said so' think v I was being cheeky for asking - I was just genuinely interested in the reason.

I think you can have a bit of fun with kids at this stage too. I would give a sensible answer and then increasingly silly ones, which made DD laugh and always defused it from being annoying.
Plus when older, turning it round to ask them 'why?'

I suppose a lot of it depends on how we communicate with them in the first place.

OP example...

Adult: we have to go home
Kid: why?
Adult: because it's 3
Kid: why?
Adult: because that's the time

I am more giving generally with information so would have told my child we had to go home and also explained why at that point.

Maybe something akin these lines... 'right [name], its time to go home now, it's 3pm and we need to be back so mummy can start on making your dinner'

This one is quite sad, it shuts off communication and tells the child the parent has no interest in conversing with them.

"because I said so and that's the end of it

I really do think it's a matter of how you respond. I can't imagine being quite so dismissive with a curious child.

I guess I’m also a very annoying parent because I try to offer an explanation to most things I ask them to do on the off anyway and I don’t get loads of whys, if there are a lot of whys I feel like I’m not doing a good job that day of talking through things ... we’re also the people that chat throughout every car journey, bus journey, walk ..

I really do think it's a matter of how you respond. I can't imagine being quite so dismissive with a curious child.

I'm not talking about a curious child, I'm talking about a child who is on the wind up. When she's genuinely wondering about something of course I tell her. The difference is very clear, usually a big cheeky grin shows she's just trying to be annoying. Being told effectively to pipe down just makes her laugh more.

This is a child's way of learning deeply about the world and especially about making sense of it. Is there logic, order and reason - or is it all totally random? What is fact and what is opinion? Children need to know this in order to navigate the world. Asking "why" should be encouraged, not suppressed. YABVU!

"Why do you think? You tell me."