To break the "why?" cycle with every child?

[00100001]

So, I can't stand the "why?" Cycle. Drives me crazy, I refuse to be drawn into it with kids.

Eg
Adult: we have to go home
Kid: why?
Adult: because it's 3
Kid: why?
Adult: because that's the time

Etc as the kid finds it amusing that the adult is getting all flustered and annoyed.

My go to is 'I will only answer proper questions, so ask me again properly'. They occasionally ask me one, maybe two follow up questions.

According to a friend, I'm spoiling the kids fun

Or just ask them to ask a proper question ..

It does no harm sometimes, when it is a "why is the sky" type question, to say, "You know what? I have no idea. How do you think we can find out?"

Otherwise you end up shutting a child down because you are ignorant about something yourself, and that's probably not a good thing to do.

And it doesn't hurt a child to know mummy doesn't know everything -- they will find out when you're bluffing soon enough, so you might as well not try to.

But the perpetual why in the supermarket is not a "why is the sky?" question, and is clearly a child deliberately winding up an adult as well as annoying the hell out of other adults nearby, so saying something on the lines of "why is so-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o bo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ring!" or "why not?" (but ideally not "because" or "because I say so", though I did resort to "because it's the law, and if I get a fine we don't get any ice-cream for a year" when the argument was about seatbelts) and stopping it by not following the child's script is probably acceptable as a child-rearing method. For everyone's sakes.

I HATE 'because I said so' always have. It's dismissive and feels so disrespectful. You might as well say 'I'm not interested'

Well to be fair sometimes I’m not interested. And that’s allowed. I’m all for teaching kids and I don’t mind the ‘why?!’ because my children and I use it to find who cam make the most tenuous reason that also has logic.
But there is also a time and place and I’m a person too who is allowed to not give a shit sometimes.

I wonder how many adults would accept 'because I said so' from their partner or friends, just because they were the judge of interesting questions.

Lol, yes they do. If they see the adult is getting frustrated/annoyed/whatever or it is achieving the delay they want for example....

Maybe don't act like this when the child asks 'why'

Lol, yes they do. If they see the adult is getting frustrated/annoyed/whatever or it is achieving the delay they want for example.... they will ask it solely to continue. It's definitely not because they're genuinely interested in why we use the time system we use, or why humans need to eat at that particular time.

Maybe you've never actually experienced a genuine why cycle??

Perhaps that's it - because it doesn't annoy me, they don't do it to annoy me, so they tend to only ask why when they genuinely want to know. They have SO many other ways to annoy me though - the 'where are your clothes' cycle is another matter altogether...

@ChickenwingChickenwing

Lol, yes they do. If they see the adult is getting frustrated/annoyed/whatever or it is achieving the delay they want for example....

Maybe don't act like this when the child asks 'why'

... I don't...

So what on earth are you talking about then?

@giantangryrooster

I wonder how many adults would accept 'because I said so' from their partner or friends, just because they were the judge of interesting questions.

True.

But then, what partner would accept "put your shoes on please, we have to go"?

Sometimes it's appropriate to speak to adults and children in different ways, and that's OK

@ChickenwingChickenwing

So what on earth are you talking about then?

...I literally said in my OP, that I react by asking the child to ask a proper question...

It's other people that seem to be deliberately confusing genuine questions and the why why why.

Yes, so why are you using the adults reaction as a reason for responding in a certain way if it's not relevant to your post?

@00100001

It's other people that seem to be deliberately confusing genuine questions and the why why why.

Other people? You mean the people who answer their children? That's an acceptable course of action to being asked 'why'

I hate the "because I said so" answer, that feels like lazy parenting because you can't be arsed to answer their questions. I hated it as a kid and still do now.

We always answered my son 's why' s as far as we could and what we didn't know we used to look up in a book or google. Even the annoying whys can be turned over to them by asking "why do you think that happens", encourages them to think for themselves.

Our son once won a prize at Cubs for asking the most questions they had ever had in a weekend.

He was curious, still is at 16 and I'm glad we never shut him down with a "because I said so ", it might have killed his curiosity and need to learn.

The only times "Why?" makes me a bit annoyed is when it is used as a stand alone sentence and at bedtime.

I demand she uses a proper sentence and then we find out. At bedtime, it's just a delay tactic, I do tell her we will remember for morning most of the time she doesn't.

I also find. "It is bedtime because it is 8pm and we have to be up for school. It doesn't feel very fun being tired at school does it?" Kind of stops the why. But, maybe only when they can process long statements.

If I do get a why, we generally go down the, "remember the last time you felt tired and grumpy, was it fun?" Then I reach a point where I need to take a deep breath.

I am a bit of a why person. We have a name apparently in training circles. Theorists. I just need to know, I try to findnout for myself.

Never really experienced it. My kids don't need to ask "why" we go home or "why" the clock has a time on it.

If it's a proper question then we have a conversation, sure, but I don't waste time even answering "why do I need to put on shoes?" or somesuch.

@ChickenwingChickenwing

Yes, so why are you using the adults reaction as a reason for responding in a certain way if it's not relevant to your post?

Goodness me. I don't know.

Because XYZ is my fav response.

'I will only answer proper questions, so ask me again properly'

All of mine would have responded to that with "why?"

My middle child would have explained to you that "why" was a proper question at such length that you'd have wished long before he finished that you had just answered the original "why?"

@unmarkedbythat

'I will only answer proper questions, so ask me again properly'

All of mine would have responded to that with "why?"

My middle child would have explained to you that "why" was a proper question at such length that you'd have wished long before he finished that you had just answered the original "why?"

My ds never went through this stage. I remember my baby sister going through it and expected he would, but he didn't. He's 8 now.

When he does ask "why", I usually answer "I don't know", sometimes followed by "shall we try to find out?" and we might google it together, or I'll send him off to look it up in a book. Or I just genuinely don't know and we leave it at that and he ponders it by himself, asks his stepfather, etc.

He hardly ever uses nonsense why questions, intended to stall/disrupt etc. When he does I explain and it satisfies him. I do give very boring detailed explanations which might help.

Ok... I can see why that would be irritating. Usually I start "the count" at that point. Works well on DS1. Doubt it will work on DS2 as he is feral.

When I got into a 'why?' loop with my mum she just said 'Z'
Shut me up quick enough.

Saying that, my DD gets into 'why?' sometimes I'll explain a couple of times and then, as previous posters, I ask her 'why do you think?'
Let her explain it to me, if she gets a little stuck I gently help her to the answer.

I can tell when she's doing it just to make my head fall off/when she's actually curious or struggling to understand something though.

I do love it when you get to turn the tables on the Why Cycle.
Has entertained me through some car journeys, you have to spot your opening though...