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Original poster

He's gone away without his phone-really?

152 replies

Miss81 · 06/09/2020 18:35

Hi all

Looking for some advice here. I've been with my boyfriend (don't even know if he's that at their point) for just over a year. We started seeing each other soon after he finished with his long term ex (seven year and mother of his 3 year old daughter) and I found out in Feb this year that he has cheated on me with her (I had my suspicions at the time and he constantly denied them). I took him back and then lockdown happened and at first we were ok but he struggles with depression and we split.
His ex wants him back and he spends a lot of time there as he struggles being away from his daughter.

So...we just got back together and he has just gone away for the week and on the night before he goes away he tells me he isn't taking his phone (he is selling his house and wants a break from the calls and stress) with him as he wants quality time with his little girl, he loves me and he can't wait to see me when he gets back.

I'm suspicious, who goes on holiday without a phone? Surely that's dangerous.

So he is either with his ex, or cares so little for me he can't take his phone and send me a text .

What do you think?

OP posts:
FOKKYFC · 06/09/2020 19:33

I don't know whether some people mentally cast themselves in the role of the ex on these threads, but statements like 'he doesn't want you' or 'he wants her/his family, OP' are curious, because he's consistently demonstrated that that's not the case: if she's wanted him back the entire time and you've told him to go back, why's he not gone? Not that I'm suggesting he's a good guy and you and he are Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward, or anything. But he's not pining away with love for her, either. If he goes back for the child he'll probably be dipping his wick before too long. Bin him off. But don't agonise that it's failed because she's 'better' than you. Sounds like she's just another option.

Viviennemary · 06/09/2020 19:35

I'd guess he has another phone. Maybe he'll go back to his ex or maybe not. Men sometimes take the easiest option. But really there isn't a way ahead for you here and you need to cut your losses. Easier said than done I know.

Redcrayons · 06/09/2020 19:37

Even my 80 year old mother doesn’t go anywhere without her phone.

He’s stringing you along. Cut this one loose.

june2007 · 06/09/2020 19:40

People are allowed to go away without a mobile. However this is not the issue. The issue is trust, you don,t trust him and therefore you need to adresss with him or move on.

spacepoppers · 06/09/2020 19:42

You weren't being unreasonable. I'd have done the exact same thing in ditching his sorry arse.
Don't let him anywhere near you when he comes crawling back from his little mini break with the ex.

Sciencebabe · 06/09/2020 19:45

I feel like you think he has the choice of being with either you or her. He is perfectly capable of being single without either of you. He has a lot of stuff to sort out before he is relationship ready. You don't just so being in a 7yr relationship and a dad for three years and go back to having girlfriends. He needs to grow up before he is going to be any good for anyone and himself. Don't be a part of it. You don't have to get over emotional or nasty at him, but you do need to calmly tell him that you're not in love with him and you don't want to carry on with things any more.

carly2803 · 06/09/2020 19:45

he is with her right now andtheir child

you need to dump him and move on. he is not worth your time

guarantee if you text him now he will get it. dump him, he dosent even deserve face to face telling!

Carrotgirl87 · 06/09/2020 19:46

Not that I recommend this sort of thing, as you've already done the exact perfect thing, but have you checked her Facebook for their holiday pics? 🥴

RedHelenB · 06/09/2020 19:46

Be honest, a part of your wanted to win the competition but the "prize " certainly isn't worth having. You've done the right thing in calling it a day.

TorkTorkBam · 06/09/2020 19:47

You are allowed to dump a man without prearranging which woman will do his bidding for him afterwards.

Dumping him was the right thing to do. Whether he gets back with her now or not is irrelevant. I assume he will get a new gf so his wife keeps doing the Pick Me Dance. He must have felt like stud of the century. All the ladies need him. Swoon. You are well rid.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 06/09/2020 19:49

He's probably not gone back to his ex permanently because he gets to swan in and out of parenting responsibilities and playing Disney dad without being nagged to take the bins out, plus the bonus of sleeping with OP. What's not to like?

Unsure33 · 06/09/2020 19:49

Where is he on holiday ?

Original poster
Miss81 · 06/09/2020 19:49

@RedHelenB

Be honest, a part of your wanted to win the competition but the "prize " certainly isn't worth having. You've done the right thing in calling it a day.
No I wanted him to love me like I loved him. Despite my obvious stupidity I'm not a child and this was never a competition.
OP posts:
Jo0070 · 06/09/2020 19:50

Ask yourself this... If you really like someone, and you were getting away to have 'a break' - wouldn't you take your phone so you could could chat to your guy - knowing that you would really miss him?

You know the answer.

I'd be insulted if my guy went on holiday and wasn't arsed about talking to me. I'd feel like I meant nothing to him - and I value myself too much to be someones puppet.

What's he thinking - he'll ring you when it suits him - like when he gets back and wants a leg-over? Feck that, kick him in the balls and delete his number. When he gets back off hols and gets in touch ignore him. Let him realise he screwed up and you couldn't care less.

In the meantime get on Bumble and start swiping - I met my guy on there and it's the best thing I ever did.
My mates did the same - we've had some laughs. It's full of loones, but there's definitely some lovely guys on there.

Original poster
Miss81 · 06/09/2020 19:50

@Unsure33

Where is he on holiday ?
This country supposedly but let's be honest he could be absolutely anywhere because he clearly just lies to me constantly.
OP posts:
Original poster
Miss81 · 06/09/2020 19:51

@Jo0070

Ask yourself this... If you really like someone, and you were getting away to have 'a break' - wouldn't you take your phone so you could could chat to your guy - knowing that you would really miss him?

You know the answer.

I'd be insulted if my guy went on holiday and wasn't arsed about talking to me. I'd feel like I meant nothing to him - and I value myself too much to be someones puppet.

What's he thinking - he'll ring you when it suits him - like when he gets back and wants a leg-over? Feck that, kick him in the balls and delete his number. When he gets back off hols and gets in touch ignore him. Let him realise he screwed up and you couldn't care less.

In the meantime get on Bumble and start swiping - I met my guy on there and it's the best thing I ever did.
My mates did the same - we've had some laughs. It's full of loones, but there's definitely some lovely guys on there.

I've never heard of bumble but it sounds like the laugh I need!!
OP posts:
SentientAndCognisant · 06/09/2020 19:56

In fairness his ex doesn’t need to talk to you or entertain your complaints about the father of her daughter.
You are the OW as far as the ex is concerned she’s unlikely to feel bad that he cheated on you(with her). The ex thinks her and him have a chance at making another go of it

He’s got two women who want him,he’s got you both on the go, and with the frisson of competition. Sexually he’s at an eat all you can buffet

Cut your losses. Date a man who doesn’t cheat and treats you well

VivaMiltonKeynes · 06/09/2020 19:59

Oh God - just NO . Get away as soon as you can!

viques · 06/09/2020 20:00

Well he is clearly a belt and braces man isn't he? Bit ironic really since it is clear that his trousers are programmed to come off at a moments notice.

I think he likes having two women desperate to warm his bed/s. If you dump him he will find someone else, not that you should care. If he dumps the poor woman who has unfortunately had children with him then he might stay with you but his eye will be roving and the belt and braces loosening ............

Cut your losses and thank your contraception provider.

viques · 06/09/2020 20:00

Well he is clearly a belt and braces man isn't he? Bit ironic really since it is clear that his trousers are programmed to come off at a moments notice.

I think he likes having two women desperate to warm his bed/s. If you dump him he will find someone else, not that you should care. If he dumps the poor woman who has unfortunately had children with him then he might stay with you but his eye will be roving and the belt and braces loosening ............

Cut your losses and thank your contraception provider.

AnyFucker · 06/09/2020 20:04

he clearly just lies to me constantly

So what are you going to do about it ?

TwizzledTurkey · 06/09/2020 20:07

Sounds like he’s having his cake and eating it too, playing both of you and having a jolly good time!

Original poster
Miss81 · 06/09/2020 20:10

@AnyFucker

he clearly just lies to me constantly

So what are you going to do about it ?

I posted earlier that I dumped him. Luckily with COVID I'll only have to see him once a week. I'd prefer never but I think after reading these replies my eyes are well and truly open.
OP posts:
SentientAndCognisant · 06/09/2020 20:16

Two work colleagues dated,subsequently split up. He went back to his ex too
It made for quite terse environment when they had to work together
But over time it just git forgotten, consigned to the forgotten goss

Original poster
Miss81 · 06/09/2020 20:18

@SentientAndCognisant

Two work colleagues dated,subsequently split up. He went back to his ex too It made for quite terse environment when they had to work together But over time it just git forgotten, consigned to the forgotten goss
I hope he does goes back, all this crap should mean something to someone at some point.

I'll only see him once a week I'll be fine. I just hope he finally stays away from me now.

OP posts:
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