He's gone away without his phone-really?

[Miss81]

Hi all

Looking for some advice here. I've been with my boyfriend (don't even know if he's that at their point) for just over a year. We started seeing each other soon after he finished with his long term ex (seven year and mother of his 3 year old daughter) and I found out in Feb this year that he has cheated on me with her (I had my suspicions at the time and he constantly denied them). I took him back and then lockdown happened and at first we were ok but he struggles with depression and we split.
His ex wants him back and he spends a lot of time there as he struggles being away from his daughter.

So...we just got back together and he has just gone away for the week and on the night before he goes away he tells me he isn't taking his phone (he is selling his house and wants a break from the calls and stress) with him as he wants quality time with his little girl, he loves me and he can't wait to see me when he gets back.

I'm suspicious, who goes on holiday without a phone? Surely that's dangerous.

So he is either with his ex, or cares so little for me he can't take his phone and send me a text .

What do you think?

Slept with her though, didn't he. Probably more than once.

he just won't leave me be

Why would he ? He has you both. He must be like a dog with 2 dicks.

You are making it sound like you feel sorry for this poor, tormented soul. Switch your brain back on and get shut of him

I am actually cringing for you

No normal person goes away without their phone. He could take it and check it once a day if he doesn't want the distraction.

Time to give him the push. This will never get better.

It doesn't matter if he goes to her or not.

The point is he's bad news for you. Get out now, he's already crapped on you once, he's doing it right now and he'll do it over and over again if you let him.

@dooratheexplorer it's likely not his only phone though.

@Miss81

But he won't go back to her, she'd have him back tomorrow if he asked.

I've told him so many times to go back and leave me alone and he just won't leave me be.

I just don't get it, it's not like I'd make it difficult. I said you made a mistake leaving, just got back and make it right and he refuses.

I‘ve done this too. You know it’s not right, but you want him to be the one to call time on the relationship because it’s really hard to do yourself. But he will keep screwing you both around for as long as you let him. Choose for yourself and you’ll feel so much better the moment you’re free. (Then it’ll suck for a while, but you’ll have your self-respect and, in time, happiness with someone who respects you too.)

Your first mistake was taking him back after you found all that out.
He's probably shagging his ex, sorry.
Ditch him and find someone more deserving of you.

He'll have his second phone with him.
Move on and get rid of him .

Thank you everyone, I needed the brutal honesty!

Hes cheated once that you know off , he hasn't taken his phone because hes with his daughter.....and ex , dont settle for being someone's toy find a man who loves you and doesn't dip between you and the ex excuse the term and end it ,never be someone's option be there choice it will be hard but you will come out of it stronger with very clear boundaries xx

Bullshit. No one goes on holiday without their phone. Especially when they're with their child. Your first thought would be to be sure to take your phone just in case of an emergency.

Plus, why would someone who is selling their home want to take the chance of missing the call that might be the right one to sell the house?

If he'd said "I'll be having my phone off most of the time so DD and I aren't interrupted" I might buy that. But leaving it home? Nah.

I'd probably have a friend whose number he doesn't know call his phone and see if it's off or if the voicemail is full.

id definitely send a message saying its over, he will see it when he does bother to turn his phone back on , you definitely deserve better x

I’m really sorry OP. Please walk away and I hope you get over him quickly. He’s a total knob and you deserve better (so does his ex and daughter tbh)

I go on holiday without my phone. However, not with children, and my nearest and dearest know where I am staying and have the phone number of the hotel.

I suspect a second phone is with him.

Oh I sent him a message telling him it was over the moment o got the bullshit message about his phones.

Told him it was absolute crap and I never wanted to speak to him again.

Just wanted to make sure I wasn't being unreasonable but it's quite clear I wasn't

Op don’t waste your life on this idiot.

The worst you can do is stay with him, then fall pregnant.

Find yourself a nice man with no kids/ties etc.

I’m sorry but you’re plan B for this man!

The reason he didn’t ‘go back to her’ when you told him to just go to her and leave you alone is that by having you in the picture he gets her dancing as hard for him as you do.

Like someone said up thread, he’s loved having both of you perform for his attention whilst totally overlooking his sleeping with the other party, because that created the competition. Feeding his ego big time.

You are worth so much more than this loser. Glad you've decided to move on.

Just read your update - well done op! He was serving you a bullshit sandwich for sure.

Stay strong for when he comes back around begging, these types always do

Thank you everyone this thread, even the brutal replies, has made me feel so much better.

I wonder how long it will take him to go back to her know that you have kicked him to the curb!

I dumped him three months ago and he didn't go back fully. Probably just stringing her along as he didn't want to be alone and then got bored and came back to me.

Worst thing is I tried to talk to her about it so that I could catch him out with his lies and she would know too and she just said he hadn't been back but she wanted him back as he was family. Wouldn't even discuss it with me.

He's probably attached to his ex. Let him go and wish him luck. Move on with your life as you'll be running around in circles after him.

I know a few people who go away without phones and I even know a few people who don't have phones (by choice as a knee jerk to them being everywhere)
It's not dangerous (as a pp said), they have only been ubiquitous for 20yrs and there are few places where you would have no access to a phone in an emergency it just wouldn't be yours.
However if it's unusual for a particular not to have a phone my suspicions would be raised. But my personal reaction would be to wait for them to come back and lay out exactly what the problem was. Talking usually either confirms suspicions or dissolves them - guessing does neither

You deserve so much better, dump him.