To ask how many friends you have?

[thedaywewillremeber]

I was thinking today about it I’ve only got two. I occasionally chat to a few others but they aren’t friends. Has this changed as you got older? I used to a big group of friends till my mid 20’s

About 35 that I see or am in contact regularly. I have always been very sociable and had sociable jobs. My DH is also

Honestly, my DP is my best friend. I'm also really close with my mum.

Apart from that 2 best female friends who live locally and am very close too, 2 very long term friends who live miles away and I only see every year or so now due to life getting in the way however we have long histories and know each other inside out.

Another 3-4 friends locally that I meet up with regularly and text regularly, but wouldn't call at 4am if the shit had hit the fan, so to speak!

Quite a few people who are more in the acquaintance category that I work with or DP works with, we chat and have a coffee, would have a dinner occasionally but aren't close and wouldn't discuss in-depth or emotional stuff.

I have a core group of friends that is me and 6 other women. Half of this group I’ve known all of my life and the group has evolved over the past 30-odd years to include the others with some additional people coming and going along the way but this group has stuck. We all live within 60 minutes of each other but not all local so we see each other regularly but not every day. Although there is communication most days now thanks to WhatsApp group chat. These are the ones that are more like ‘the family you choose’ and our kids are all more like cousins than anything else.

There is a wider extended circle of ‘couple friends’ that we are part of and I know that I can really count on some of those as true friends too. I’d call these my social circle.

Aside from that I have my sister, my gym partner, some school mums and a few old school/uni friends that I see maybe twice a year and chat to a couple of times in between.

I don’t subscribe to the idea that a few really good friends is better than anything else. It’s completely subjective and depends on what you want or need from friendships. For example my gym partner I see at least twice a week every week for an hour-ish at a time, but rarely outside of the gym. We get on well, have a right laugh, know a lot about each other’s week to week lives, but don’t really mix with each other’s family or other friends. Suits us both.

None of my core group of friends who are like my family have ever set foot in a gym and I don’t talk about it with them. Equally this group are a pain to get together for an adult dinner or few drinks in the pub etc but that’s the type of thing we do with our social circle.

But I didn’t answer the question did i? what I was trying to say with that monologue above is that it depends how you define friend. Personally I don’t devalue a friendship because the nature of it isn’t a deeply personal one. Neither do I devalue a friendship because we might not speak for 3 months. Or because someone ain’t part of a core group etc.

I have a six person friendship group from university, a couple of groups of girlfriends from school, four close standalone friends and my sister who is my best mate. But none of us have kids yet, and we all live close together in the same city, so it's as easy for us as it can be.

Jeremyironsnothing Bumble has a part for friends as well as one for dating.

I've never had anyone to go shopping or holiday with, even when I was younger, which always made me sad. I've always struggled to make friends. It was easier when the dc came along but once they got older those friendships fell away too.
I could probably call on 3 people in a crisis and trust to talk to. When I've been bereaved, the friends I thought would be there weren't and the friends on the periphery of my life were.
I realise I pushed all my friends away because of my mental health over the years. Sure, I have several acquaintances but it's a stretch to think of anyone who would call in for a coffee or vice versa recently (pre Covid).

I think I found the answer out when 7/7 happened and I worked in central London. Seven people contacted me who were outside family. I was not at work that week but it was in a way how I found out who real friends were, not just acquaintances.

A few years ago I really felt like I didn't have enough friends. I moved and have met a huge number of friends through various aspects of life. Big anonymous city, and yet v. friendly overall.

I don't have a 'group of friends' never really have, not even at Uni.

Anyway, just counted
Close friends = 4 (though they are not close friends with one another)
Really good friends = 16 (about 8 local (ish - 2 hour radius so possible to see for a day outing etc) and 8 far and wide but keep in touch mostly weekly or at least monthly)
Then a handful of people I'm friendly with and would meet up with and consider 'friends' but wouldn't really talk about serious things and typically aren't the people we'd reach out to in a crisis (though would certainly help if they did!).

I do miss having a best friend, but in some ways I think no longer having a best friend frees you up to make more friends and widen your circle.

That's interesting @nosswith, like it's life changing events that are the test for friendship. I was off work with stress for a while a few years ago. Some people I considered friends or good work mates at the time didn't get in touch once. Other people more on the periphery of my life or friends from way back did contact me, got me out of the house, one just turned up on my doorstep with flowers from her garden .

@nosswith is right. It's those major life events that show who your friends are. I definitely have none. No one has ever cared about me.

I don't know. My sister. A friend who lives in another country but who I'm in regular contact with. The rest are just casual friends.

I've a milestone birthday coming up and I've no one close enough to ask me what my plans are for it. No one who knows me well enough (apart from the friend in the other country). Hence there will be no party or celebration. Feeling very low about it all actually.

One

Close friends 2, who are also very close to eachother. Other good friends 3, none of who know eachother.

I don't know... very close friends - just one or two. Good friends: several, not talking every day but there for each other. Friend/acquaintances - lots

Am 34. Have 5 very close friends, 7 good friends, a good number of others where we like each other and make an effort to say hello if ever in the relevant part of the country or world. DH friends too.

I work hard on my friendships - in part because I was very shy at school so didn't have many friends, I only really blossomed at uni - and make sure I spend time on them. Partners have come and gone but it is (some of) my friends who have lasted the distance.

I am also pretty ruthless in distancing myself who simply don't add value to my life, or are draining, or not nice people.

distancing myself from people* who...

purplepoppies I think if you talk to your close acquaintances about your personal things, you might become closer. If you always keep conversation superficial there isn't the chance for it to grow into a real friendship.

@hopeishere, we’ll have a virtual party on here! Don’t be sad.

One “big birthday” a friend organised a surprise get together at a local eaterie. I. Was. Mortified.

Be careful what you wish for.

2 amazing friends that I could call in the middle of the night and they’d be there.
My best friend of 13 years recently moved abroad but we still speak weekly.
4 friends I meet up with about once a month.
2 close friends who live about 2 hours away.

8/9 I'd trust in a crisis
5/6 more I like a lot but wouldn't call on In times of need.

Two, very close friends who I see normally once a week and message most days. I've know them 15 years or so.
Three very good friends who I see less, but when we do we pick up from where we left off. We all go on holiday once a year. Friends from when DC were at primary.
Two friends who I've known a year or so, met though an activity we do. Meet up maybe once a month for coffees/ walks (and weekly at the activity.
Various others who I like very much, but not friends, more acquaintances I guess.

I have about 3 but they are proper solid friends I speak to about 12 other people but they aren't friends. I'm content with the three proper friends. I used to think you had to have loads.

None :( wish I did but never been able to make friends. People usually want to use me to their advantage and once they get what they want or feel better about themselves they go. So no friends

DH and I are very fortunate, and have many close friends- mostly old ones from uni and our party political days (so lots in common).

However I realised the other day that I hadn’t made many new friends in years- got a bit friendly with a couple of women on mat leave, but we also haven’t made many new friends in the area we live (been here a decade), because - I assume - so many of our old mates have ended up living near us here too.

It makes me worry about whether I’ll make new Mum friends once DS starts school. I hope I do; we’ll just have to work hard at it.

We’re lucky to have our old friends, but we need to hang on to them, as I’m not sure how easy it is to make more in adulthood! Fingers crossed we’ll become friends with other parents at the schools- my parents made a lot that way and are still v friendly with them years later.