I know quite a lot of people and I do various hobbies, partly to make friends, but I can't ever seem to move from acquaintance to friend and so I never meet up with any of these people outside of the context which I know them from. It is something about me as other people within these groups meet up for meals, nights out, even trips away.
I have 2 friends who I have known for 20+ years. We probably see each other 2-3 times a year despite both of them living within a few miles of me. From their point of view, I am quite far down their list of closest friends. Our conversations are pleasant but still superficial.
I used to have far more friends but everyone has drifted away as we stopped having things in common. Job changes meaning that we no longer worked at the same place so lost that being in common. Having children / not having children / having children of different ages etc.
There are times when I would really like to be able to talk stuff through with a close friend (relationship stuff) but there is no-one that I can speak to.
It feels like by this age everyone has already sorted out their friendship groups and doesn't want any new friends. It feels like I needed to have made all of my friends by 30 and then have done everything I could since then to stop things drifting apart.
Lockdown was a bit of an eye opener and made it clear (although I already knew deep down) that the majority of my interactions with people were very superficial and pretty meaningless. I have met up with one friend once for a walk with some of her other friends and have exchanged a few text messages with the other friend. That's the extent of my social interaction outside of my immediate family or work calls that I have had in 6 months.
I think that I am generally a nice person and would be a good friend. I just don't know how to find and make friends. I am pretty lonely.