Comments from the office clown

[PumpkinsAndBroomsticks]

I work in quite a male dominated environment. There is one particular person, who is known as the clown for practical jokes and outrageous behaviour. He is in his 50s and has been there for around 30 years and everyone just accepts it.

One on one he is fine and I get on well with him - he is actually quite friendly and a helpful person. But when he is around the younger men he completely changes it is as if he's a different person.

He will say things to me to amuse them and create laughs. For example, he asked when I will be getting pregnant and said he can 'help out' if needed. In a conversation about household chores, I said I hate cutting the grass and he said 'I will come and do it for you, and I'll do your bush as well'.

He never says these things when no one is around, it is just to rouse some laughter. I just shake my head but it's starting to make me uncomfortable. There is no HR department but even if there was, it would make things awkward if I made an official complaint. I spoke to a colleague about it and they said it's just him and that's who he is, I don't need to take any of it seriously. Is this something other women would laugh off / am I being over sensitive?

I do t think you are being sensitive and O think sometimes a well timed and funny put-down is the best way of handling this. Works best if it’s really funny though.

*don’t think

Sounds like he is self conscious about his advanced age and is trying to keep himself socially relevant around the younger staff. I would feel a bit sorry for him if that was the worst example you could think of and perhaps have a bit of a heart to heart with him when he’s not near them. If he’s genuinely nice he will understand you find raunchier comments uncomfortable

Both those comments need to be shared with a manager.

You don't have to pretend to be amused. Just look at him with contempt, and tell him that you find his comments unprofessional and inappropriate, and you'd appreciate him keeping his humour to himself.

Repeat as necessary.

Would you say "This is so odd, you are never like this when we are not in company, then you try act like the funny man in front of the lads, I told you I didn't like it but you still do it. Do you not feel a bit pathetic, I mean you look pathetic but do you feel it? " Take him down a peg or two in front of the lads might shut him up

How dare you fucking speak to me like that, should suffice

@BubblyBarbara

Sounds like he is self conscious about his advanced age and is trying to keep himself socially relevant around the younger staff. I would feel a bit sorry for him if that was the worst example you could think of and perhaps have a bit of a heart to heart with him when he’s not near them. If he’s genuinely nice he will understand you find raunchier comments uncomfortable

WTF socially relevant? By being a sexist dinosaur. No one should have to put up with this shit in work, and younger people should not think this is an appropriate way to behave.

If him just being himself means he makes pervy inappropriate comments then he should be himself outside the workplace.

Depending on your confidence and how you think it would play out would putting him back in his box work?

"When you getting pregnant - told you I could help with that"

"And I've told you not even if last man on earth - when you getting your ears tested? Fraid I can't help with that"

"I'll cut your grass - then your Bush"

"No thanks. My gardener is much better at that particular job than I think you'd be!"

Sometimes fighting fire with fire works but you need to know in this case it'll have the desired effect and not make things worse.

You're right though - he's a knob!

He shouldn't be doing that, and he knows he shouldn't. If he is fine when you are working with him directly, I would suggest speaking to him about it directly (in private) as a first step. Be polite but firm, tell him it makes you uncomfortable and could be considered sexual harassment and that if he continues to make sexualised comments you will need to take it further. You could also say that you value your (otherwise) good working relationship and do not want it to be further damaged by this. I'd also make a private note of the conversation, with the date on and maybe how he responded, e.g. if he promised to stop the behaviour (you could save it as a calendar entry, document or draft email so it's timestamped).

I think there's a good chance that would be enough to nip it in the bud; however if he continues after that, I'd take it as proof that he doesn't care about the effect of his comments, and as a "declaration of war" if you like - this would be the point to take it to your boss (and mention that you have already spoken to him about it on X date without it making any difference).

Just call him Sid (James).

Be polite but firm

I agree with the second part of this sentence. You don’t owe him politeness. “Do not ever make such inappropriate comments to me again” is fine. And definitely tell a manager.

That's grim. Are you sure you can't report him to anyone? I would be really creeped out by someone saying those things. If he mentions pregnancy related stuff again just tell him you don't want to risk having kids that look/turn out like him. Or tell him you can't have children (I know you shouldn't joke about it but it might just embarrass him into stfu) but thanks for rubbing it in, *looks upset.

There is no HR department but even if there was, it would make things awkward if I made an official complaint. I spoke to a colleague about it and they said it's just him and that's who he is

I don't understand that ^ at all^.

Surely the obvious thing is to speak to him about it and tell him to stop, as it's making you feel uncomfortable?

It's absolutely out of order and in a lot of workplaces a couple of comments like that would get him dismissed. I would look at him for a long pause (say, count to 10) and then say 'that's neither clever nor funny. It's extremely offensive. Please don't say anything like that to me again.' And repeat it whenever he makes one of his comments.

Huh, there must be someone you can report him to for sexual harassment? www.acas.org.uk/sexual-harassment

It's against the law. Why would anyone just put up with it?

He sounds really insecure, as if he’s trying to be liked and not enjoying getting older. It sounds like , what I would consider, a ‘lad’ mentality, a bit of banter with the kids.
I would probably avoid him and not give him any attention.
Hopefully he will retire soon.

Tell him it's sexual harassment and if he doesn't believe you, give him a printout. If it doesn't stop, report him to your manager. That website says what you can do if your employer does not respond.

He's the one making things awkward, for you.

I work with someone like this. Its got better over the years. I just ignore his jokes so they fall flat or I ask him to stop if I can see it’s heading in a direction I don’t want it to go. He has always reined it in when asked to. I guess that’d be the deal breaker for me, not stopping when asked to. He will stop and apologise if he goes too far.

Apart from that he’s a very helpful person and will do anything for anyone. I just don’t think he has any social skills at all, and I can see that it’s a case of trying too hard. He’s cringe inducing around men and women in equal measure though so I can’t quite call him sexist, just weird.

I don’t know, maybe a chat with him might help. If he’s older and been working around men for most of his life he may genuinely be clueless about his behaviour. I would give him the benefit of the doubt before involving HR / managers. Witty put downs are good, but he may misconstrue them as banter and keep on with the behaviour.

For GS are you posters for real? Are you trained in 50s workplaces?

Just take him to one side, say your 'jokes' are sexist and I don't like it. I want you to stop making them. No excuses, no apology, no explanation.

If he doesn't stop take him to one side again and tell him it's his last chance and you will take further action if he doesn't stop.

If he doesn,t then it's time to go to a manager/MD & tribunal if necessary.

Please don't put up with this, or sink to his level by taking on the same tone. There are laws against sexist comments. Use them if necessary. For the sake of the next generation of women coming after you if nothing else.

I would talk to him and explain it makes you feel uncomfortable and you need him to stop. If he doesn't I would talk to his manager.

For example, he asked when I will be getting pregnant and said he can 'help out' if needed.

No thanks, Boris. I've a perfectly good turkey baster.

I agree with @Fairybatmana witty put down can be the best way to shut him up but you have to be able to come out with it very quickly , a minuet later and it loses its punch.
I wouldnt let you near my bush if you were the last hedge trimmer on earth but make sure you keep yours on the same level / taste as his ( so if he doesnt swear , you dont either )

Or
Tell him in front of the people that he is trying to impress that his school boy humor is not amusing and has no place in the office but be prepared for a lot of OOooos
But pick one and stick to it , you can not change your mind with something like that you either join in and provide constant put downs or condemn the behaviour

I don't know if I'd be able to do it, but someone I know reacted to that kind of thing by grading the comments

"2/10 Bill, that didn't even make anyone snigger"

"5/10 Bill, better than yesterday, but still pretty crap"

When younger and in the company of an arsehole like this, I tried witty put downs and being firm. I generally ended up getting upset because he’s laugh at me telling him to stop. This guy would be about 50 now, so it’s also an age thing maybe as it was more acceptable in the past. Maybe write to him in an email? Send links.