Comments from the office clown

[PumpkinsAndBroomsticks]

I work in quite a male dominated environment. There is one particular person, who is known as the clown for practical jokes and outrageous behaviour. He is in his 50s and has been there for around 30 years and everyone just accepts it.

One on one he is fine and I get on well with him - he is actually quite friendly and a helpful person. But when he is around the younger men he completely changes it is as if he's a different person.

He will say things to me to amuse them and create laughs. For example, he asked when I will be getting pregnant and said he can 'help out' if needed. In a conversation about household chores, I said I hate cutting the grass and he said 'I will come and do it for you, and I'll do your bush as well'.

He never says these things when no one is around, it is just to rouse some laughter. I just shake my head but it's starting to make me uncomfortable. There is no HR department but even if there was, it would make things awkward if I made an official complaint. I spoke to a colleague about it and they said it's just him and that's who he is, I don't need to take any of it seriously. Is this something other women would laugh off / am I being over sensitive?

“Yeh all right Benny Hill, it’s 2020 now not 1970”

I’d warn him straight out that his comments cross the line.

There’s funny, there’s dickish and then there’s sackable.

I wouldn't try a witty put-down. Behaviour like that is not worth the effort.

It's also important to take this seriously, by which I mean ensuring HE knows that what he's saying is serious.

Fix him with a Paddington hard stare and say 'That comment is sexual harassment.' If/when he denies it or blusters, just walk away. I'd log those comments and any others with a manager too, and make clear to the manager that you will pursue this if it doesn't stop. And note down the names of anyone who hears him make them.

I would be inclined to give him this kind of look and say (in a very patronising voice) “ok bob try to calm down now, you’re embarrassing yourself”.

And if he carries on “take yourself away now Bob until you can behave like an adult again, go on off you pop”.

Do not just put up with this because it’s the way he is. If there’s no hr, where’s the boss? I’d tell him in front of his blokey mates that he is offensive and from the dark ages. Such ‘banter’ is sexist and unacceptable.

You could try making him explain his ‘joke’:

Office clown: I could come and mow your lawn - and trim your bush for you, har har.

OP: What do you mean by that?

OC: It’s just a joke.

OP: Why is it funny? Can you explain?

OC: Errr

@madroid

For GS are you posters for real? Are you trained in 50s workplaces?

Just take him to one side, say your 'jokes' are sexist and I don't like it. I want you to stop making them. No excuses, no apology, no explanation.

If he doesn't stop take him to one side again and tell him it's his last chance and you will take further action if he doesn't stop.

If he doesn,t then it's time to go to a manager/MD & tribunal if necessary.

Please don't put up with this, or sink to his level by taking on the same tone. There are laws against sexist comments. Use them if necessary. For the sake of the next generation of women coming after you if nothing else.

I'm nonplussed too. I thought people were better informed these days and harassment was no longer considered something you'd brush off with a sarcastic comment?

Honestly I’d just say, ‘sexual harassment Bob, really 🙄??? ‘
If not bother with trying to think of a witty retort.

I'd try for a serious but friendly private chat along the lines of "do you know that some of the jokes you make are actually sexual harassment - loads of places would fire you for them - you should probably stop joking about getting people pregnant it would make lots of woment feel uncomfortable"
And then if he doesn't stop each time he makes one of the jokes at or in front of you say something like "oh - one of those sexual harrasment jokes again"

Should say I’d not bother thinking of a witty retort

I've had to do this with a bloke who used to visit our section, so he would see whoever was covering the geographic area he needed info on but would make lewd remarks to them (90% female office) bloke was in his mid 50s I was mid 20s.

One woman lapped this up, some just shook their head but my mentor (feisty) said to me if it does it to you just tell him straight not to talk to you in that manner and he won't do it. She also said do not use the word sorry either. I prepared what I would say for when it happened.

He did it to me and I said don't talk to me like that, it makes me uncomfortable, he said no problem and never did it again. We still had a good professional relationship.

@madroid

For GS are you posters for real? Are you trained in 50s workplaces?

Just take him to one side, say your 'jokes' are sexist and I don't like it. I want you to stop making them. No excuses, no apology, no explanation.

If he doesn't stop take him to one side again and tell him it's his last chance and you will take further action if he doesn't stop.

If he doesn,t then it's time to go to a manager/MD & tribunal if necessary.

Please don't put up with this, or sink to his level by taking on the same tone. There are laws against sexist comments. Use them if necessary. For the sake of the next generation of women coming after you if nothing else.

Absolutely agree with the above.

I'm retired now and in my early 70 so was of a generation that had to deal with a lot of this sort of thing in the workplace.

So do not, whatever you do OP, sink to his level and and respond in like manner.

That just gives him the excuse to continue. It will seem that you find it funny and are treating it like workplace 'banter'. You will then not have a leg to stand on if it escalates and/or you want to make a complaint.

You need to talk to him alone and make it clear it stops now, or you will take it further.

I thought people were better informed these days and harassment was no longer considered something you'd brush off with a sarcastic comment?

Yes, I despair at people on here swapping tips on how to deal with it, or suggesting a 'heart to heart'

Just take him to one side, say your 'jokes' are sexist and I don't like it. I want you to stop making them. No excuses, no apology, no explanation

Exactly this. There is no need to stoop to his level and waste time thinking up 'witty' retorts or ways to shame him. It's unacceptable behaviour, just tell him so. That way you stay professional, so there's no come back against you, and hopefully he will realise that he is being grossly unprofessional. Engaging on his level risks allowing him see it as 'banter' that you are prepared to take part in.

Just take him to one side, say your 'jokes' are sexist and I don't like it. I want you to stop making them. No excuses, no apology, no explanation.

This^^

You don't say whether the younger males make these types of comments too, hopefully they don't and I would be inclined to point that difference out to him.

Agreed we with the rest of madroid's post too, escalate if speaking to him doesn't work but challenging him directly should be your first approach.

Nobody should be excusing his comments on the basis of his age.
He's definitely old enough to know better.

Just ask him to stop with the sexist comments.
If he doesn't, you need to take it further - his comments are unacceptable.

Maybe ask him what he would think if someone said the same thing to his daughter?

Do not try and out-banter him.

Look him straight in the eye and say 'that's inappropriate and not funny'.

If you do need to formally complain about him (and it may be necessary by the sound of it) you will be able to say that you've let him know you don't like it and that his remarks are inappropriate. He won't be able to wriggle off the hook by saying he wasn't aware.

If you get the 'that's just what he's like' line again, point out more forcefully that it makes the work environment uncomfortable for you and your employer has a duty of care to you which they are failing to meet by allowing you to be harassed in this manner.

I'd recommend joining a union if you are not already in one, as it might come in handy!

Generally speaking I would agree with the direct approach, but in a male dominated environment, in a small company with no HR sometimes the correct approach just causes bad feeling that can be avoided by dealing with it in the same way that the men would.

It depends on the environment and the individual, but in e.g. construction, rail etc. it’s proven itself far more effective than any of their approach.

@calmdownjanet gave the perfect response - to be delivered in a tone of icy cold withering disdain.
No way should you feel obliged to put him down with some amusing retort which will only up the level of 'banter.' And make it absolutely clear that you will be making a formal complaint if there is any repetition.

"Stop being an arse." Might have impact.

Just take him to one side, say your 'jokes' are sexist and I don't like it. I want you to stop making them. No excuses, no apology, no explanation.

I do agree that this is a good approach except why take him to one side ? Why not just say it straight out in front of the everyone who is there? He doesn't deserve having his feelings spared and the younger newer colleagues need to see that this isn't the accepted work place culture.

I spoke to a colleague about it and they said it's just him and that's who he is

This is the most pathetic piece of apologist claptrap that gets trotted out about people's unacceptable behaviour. It's totally meaningless, as you could say the same about anyone - including rapists, paedophiles, misogynists, homophobes...

NO. Male dominated workplace or not, you do not have to accept this. You do not have to play along with it, it is not your responsibility to laugh along to prevent others from feeling uncomfortable, you do not have to be one of the lads in order to fit in or be taken seriously.
Yes, this man may well be a product of his era, but that is not an excuse - that behaviour is not acceptable now.
You ask if it is reasonable to feel uncomfortable - even though lighthearted, his comments are clearly intended to set you apart from the male workforce, to put you in a position where you are different, weaker, a focus of ridicule. You are not being over sensitive.
Having been in a similar position, I know how difficult it can be to stand up to these comments. But not to do so undermines not only your colleagues perception of you as an equal, but your own perception of yourself as a professional. You have as much right as any of them to feel comfortable and safe in your own workplace.

Look at him blankly and say sorry I don’t understand what do you mean? Having to explain his innuendo will be excruciating for him and he’ll look like a bigger prick. Also report to hr

Start calling him Colin Hunt, after the “office joker” character in The Fast Show.