Comments from the office clown

[PumpkinsAndBroomsticks]

I work in quite a male dominated environment. There is one particular person, who is known as the clown for practical jokes and outrageous behaviour. He is in his 50s and has been there for around 30 years and everyone just accepts it.

One on one he is fine and I get on well with him - he is actually quite friendly and a helpful person. But when he is around the younger men he completely changes it is as if he's a different person.

He will say things to me to amuse them and create laughs. For example, he asked when I will be getting pregnant and said he can 'help out' if needed. In a conversation about household chores, I said I hate cutting the grass and he said 'I will come and do it for you, and I'll do your bush as well'.

He never says these things when no one is around, it is just to rouse some laughter. I just shake my head but it's starting to make me uncomfortable. There is no HR department but even if there was, it would make things awkward if I made an official complaint. I spoke to a colleague about it and they said it's just him and that's who he is, I don't need to take any of it seriously. Is this something other women would laugh off / am I being over sensitive?

I guess I do not like posters calling others “doormats”. I do not think it adds to the quality of the debate.

If you make "hilarious" comments about dick size then you're as bad as him imo

Yes, this could cause problems. Firstly, it indicates a certain level of "joining in". So, if later on you escalated it to HR, he could then counter by saying well you commented on my dick size - I thought you were enjoying it, it was just banter and you were making personal comments too. This makes you look just as bad as him and will completely undermine the fact that you actually have the upper hand and have been being professional. Plus, it makes it harder to prove whom was sexually harassing whom.

If you want an inappropriate behaviour to stop, the absolute last thing you do is join in with it as if its "fun".

Wtf?! This is not OK. Don't accept this sexist demeaning behavior from him. And don't make dick jokes back to try to claw back a sense of control.

Speak to someone who can help.

If he's normally OK on a one to one I think you should tell him it annoys you and ask him to stop. It does sound like social awkwardness and poor social skills. If he does it again then take it further within your organisation. I don't necessarily agree with always "telling on" people without at least trying to tackle it between yourselves.

I spent 5 years out-bantering someone at work. One of my biggest regrets in life. I should have nipped it in the budget on day one. It was 5 years of hell. I was young. I wanted to be seen as one of the lads, able to take on on the chin etc. It was 5 years of my life. Fucking ridiculous. I'm ashamed of myself now. I ended up leaving. I still have nightmares about the guy.

The best advice I've ever heard for dealing with that sort of thing is to never laugh along.

Whilst he's blathering on saying, get it, get it? It's funny, right? You know, trim your bush?
Just look at him with a straight face and say no, can you explain.

That kills the mood whilst he's sat there, saying you know, your bush, erm your public hair I mean. When they have to explain then they see how offensive and ridiculous it is.

Do that every time and when he gets an awkward conversation instead of a laugh, he'll quickly stop.

It does sound like social awkwardness and poor social skills. No, it sounds like deliberate sexism.

I don't necessarily agree with always "telling on" people
It's not 'telling on' him. What he's doing is unlawful.