To feel sad I'll never have a daughter

[Tatatatata]

I feel horribly guilty.

I am currently pregnant with a healthy boy. My first child and likely my last due to a few reasons I won't go into here to keep it short!

I know I should be grateful to just even be here at all after everything we've gone through to reach this point but in a way, I can't help but feel a little sad that I'll never have a baby girl.

I don't know why, I just always pictured myself with a daughter. I'm an only child and I love the relationship I have with my mum and worry I'll never experience that the same with a son.

Don't get me wrong, I am so excited to meet our boy. I'm just feeling sad that this is likely it now for us and I likely won't ever get the chance to be a mum to a little girl.

@AnnaMariaDreams

I felt like this when DS was newborn (didn’t find out). It goes. You won’t swap your DS for 1000 girls, I promise.

Sorry but for some people it doesn’t go. My sadness has lasted 45 years now and still hits me hard from time to time.

YANBU to feel the way you feel, of course you're not. That's just how you feel.

But

I have 1 of each. I love them both beyond worlds, and they're both amazing. Yet which one is the sweetest, cuddliest, easiest, most joyful, funniest, and the one whose moods and personality I understand the most?

My son!

I have 3 girls. I adore them but they are an emotional drain

Two boys here!

I couldn’t love them any more if I tried. They’re still both very small but they’re the lights of my life and I love there funny little boyish ways.

Once you meet your little guy you’ll be thrilled he’s him - if you know what I mean 😁

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, OP.

I have three boys and I wouldn’t swap any of them for a girl - but before any of them were born I’d always assumed I’d have a girl at some point. We are kind of conditioned to want girls, to see them as easier, nicer, more “desirable”. There is a part of me that will always feel a little bit sad not to have a daughter, even though I realise it’s illogical.

On the other hand there is a part of me that that is hugely grateful to have been able to have dc at all - my dsis cannot have children and would have been over the moon to be a mum to just one boy, let alone three.

And on yet another hand I also genuinely love parenting my boys - they are loving, sensitive, creative, thoughtful, brilliant and bright and honest and fun. I am relieved to have missed out on some of the more challenging aspects of raising girls. I’ve had such a lovely easy time of it compared to so many of my friends with daughters!

But unfortunately society pushes this narrative that sons are woefully inferior to daughters, that all women want daughters and will be struggle if they don’t get a daughter, that adult sons are utterly inadequate compared to adult daughters and it is hard not to get caught up in that kind of brainwashing sometimes even if you don’t actually believe it to be true. Whenever you read threads on gender disappointment on here they are almost always disappointment about having a boy. I don’t know what the answer is - and it makes me very sad that boys are not valued in the way girls are - but that is the reality of the situation unfortunately.

I spoke with a lady on the playground and she was sad she would never have a son being pregnant with the fourth daughter. They have tried 4 times unsuccessfully. Enjoy your son.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland Oh and I have one of each, and as a pp said, I often get those pangs that I won't have another newborn/bf another baby/have one fall asleep in my arms. I should have added to my earlier post that I am really lucky as I now have a whole new generation to carry around, GC are even better, no labour pains and you can get a good nights sleep so you have more energy to enjoy them.

I have a gorgeous, lovely, friendly, smart, cute little boy. And I love him to bits. I n wouldn’t swap him. But I do feel sad that I’ll never have a daughter (we can’t have any more). I had a very close relationship with my mum and always pictured having a daughter.

I have no kids yet but have no relationship at all with my parents. My husband is really close to his parents and therefore I’m pretty close to them too. His mum went wedding shopping with me, we go to cafes sometimes. She’ll be the best grandmother to our kids.

• have both. Boys are very loving and caring. Yes you have to stand out in freezing weather to watch football matches or cricket, but my girls did the same!*

Such an outdated dumb thing to say..my son hates football, never stood on the side of a football pitch and probably never will. And like another poster says girls football is very popular these days.

I was desperate for a daughter right up until the moment the scan showed a willy, and then I had a pang followed instantly by excitement at seeing my little boy. And he is the sweetest, cuddliest gorgeous person. I dropped him at uni today. I will so miss going to the cinema with him, watching Gilmore Girls with him, chatting in the car, walking the dog with him. YANBU at all, but you can have the most gorgeous experiences with lovely boys too.

I get how you feel. I really wanted a girl , rightly or wrongly, I don't know. I felt disappointed at the 20 week scan , something I'm really ashamed of now.
I have one ds ( wont be having any more ) and we are so close , he's just so perfect for me in every way , I cannot imagine another child for me . I promise you wont swap your boy for a hundred girls .

I have ds and two dds honestly love them all equally but I am closest to DS he's all for his mam and I wouldn't change my dc for the world I was the other way however always saw myself with 3 boys and think I would have felt sad if I hadn't had a DS. But then I look at how perfect my daughters are and I cannot believei would have loved a third girl as well.

I'm sitting curled up with my 8 year old DS with my 6 year old DS at my feet. I come from a family with lots of girls so maybe would have leaned towards a girl before DS1 was born (but had early losses so really didn't mind) . I don't feel I've missed out at all. The rush of love will cancel out any thoughts of preference. Boys can get a negative press which is unfair as they are just as amazing. You'll adore your DS.

@popcornlover

Why not adopt a girl? Lots of children in other countries who are in orphanages. That way you get a girl and give someone less fortunate a better life. Win win situation!

Yes because it's that easy to "just adopt" 😖

Your idea of being a wonderful MiL one day is very sound.

I have two sons and due number 3 next year, I’m convinced it will be another boy to try to protect myself from feeling sad I’ll never have a daughter! It doesn’t mean I don’t love my sons, it just means I would like to experience a daughter and it’s a sadness that I never will.
I have a gender scan in October so maybe I will, but I’m doubtful!

LolaSmiles makes a very good point.

My MIL is a bit of a nightmare and DH had a major falling out with her a few years ago. But to me they're the family I married into so they're worth investing in.

I did a lot to patch things up and now we're pretty close again, along with his two brothers and their families. My attitude has always been that family is family, whether immediate or through marriage, and diplomacy can solve the most difficult situations.

I was brought up in a very European way though, so I think this was ingrained from an early age (although I'm British).

I know what you mean OP. But a healthy baby is what you want I'm sure.
I wanted to add to someone who said about one day maybe having a wonderful DIL. I went out with a guy who's mum had three boys she really wanted a dd but couldn't afford anymore so stuck with the boys.

When I met ex she doted on me in such a lovely way and was the best MIL such a shame it didn't work out and I broke up with ex. If you do get this opportunity and you still feel the same it's wonderful,
I'd go shopping with her, take her places, she even paid for me to go on holiday with ex and his family I was literally treated like family and only 18! I think that's what you feel you may miss out on but I'm sure you won't in one way or another

I'm lucky to have 2 wonderful, healthy DC, one of each. My daughter was first and when I was pregnant for the second time, I really wanted another girl, because I thought I knew "how girls work". Anyway, fast forward to advanced labour and having said I thought we were having a girl to one of the midwives, as new baby emerged (emergency cesarean), she says "need to start thinking of boy's names"! I was disappointed for a nano second, then I held my son. He is an amazing, loving human being and I wouldn't be without him. He will be 16 later this month and we have a great, close relationship. He's not sporty, so no freezing spectating for us, nice warm theatres and concert halls 😊
Enjoy your son for all the joy he will bring you and hope for a lovely dil!
Ps, my daughter is also wonderful, but thought the purpose of my post was to boost the boys 😁

Even if you had more children there’s no guarantee you’d have a daughter anyway!
I only have one son and the only thing I miss about not having a daughter is that I think my husband would have liked having a daddy’s girl.

Throughout both my pregnancies, I had my mum and my mil going on and on about wanting me to have a girl. One even hoped they'd be 'lucky' and get a granddaughter. As if getting a grandson would be unlucky. It saddens me to see the number of people on here who clearly have those same thoughts. I regard my two ds's as two of the best people I could ever hope to have in my life.
As children we enjoyed lots of lovely times, filled with hugs and love. Now they are adults, we maybe don't have so many hugs, but we still have lovely times together. I have {different} shared interests with both if them and we enjoy time together pursuing those, or just being together, chatting, making each other laugh. We support each other when needed. When they have news to share, after their partners, we are the first people to know. Contrary to what some have suggested, as the paternal GPS, we are no less close to our dgs as our dils parents. In fact, due to the amount of time we spend with Ds and dil, as well as the childcare we do, we are possibly closer to dgs than his maternal GPS. Neither of our dils has the attitude I see so often on here - that their dh should almost discard his family in favour of 'our little family'. Sadly, I think that attitude is often responsible for the way people look on boys as a disappointment. It is not inevitable that adult boy children will not be close to their parents, as many parents of boys have shown on this thread.

@LolaSmiles yes the idea sons don't bother with their mothers after getting married is nonsense. My dad had 6 sisters and a brother but he moved my grandparents in next door to us and cared for them both until their dying days with such patience and devotion. Only 2 of his sisters showed any reliability in visiting and caring. My mum also loved her PIL and saw them more than her own parents who were back in Turkey.

I love my kids equally but having a DD does not equal a closer more loving relationship than having a boy! My DD and DS are teens now and I'm much closer to my son at the moment as teen girls often distance themselves from their mums and it can be a tricky relationship (mine with my mum certainly was). Don't assume it's all cuddles and days out shopping etc.

In my experience although I love them both parenting a boy has much easier than a girl so far but that may be because of a clash of personalities between me and my DD. It's my son that comes shopping with me and we love watching the same type of tv shows together. I'm very close with my MIL that does not have a daughter.