To feel sad I'll never have a daughter

[Tatatatata]

I feel horribly guilty.

I am currently pregnant with a healthy boy. My first child and likely my last due to a few reasons I won't go into here to keep it short!

I know I should be grateful to just even be here at all after everything we've gone through to reach this point but in a way, I can't help but feel a little sad that I'll never have a baby girl.

I don't know why, I just always pictured myself with a daughter. I'm an only child and I love the relationship I have with my mum and worry I'll never experience that the same with a son.

Don't get me wrong, I am so excited to meet our boy. I'm just feeling sad that this is likely it now for us and I likely won't ever get the chance to be a mum to a little girl.

Yabu I’ll never have a child you are blessed.

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat

Why? I've said a few times now this does not mean I'm not happy to be having my son.

Because the epitome of you becoming a mother would be having a daughter. This is not fulfilled by you becoming a mother of a son. You feel incomplete in a way that the reverse situation would not bring.

Would you be posting this thread about being sad that you’ll never become the mother of a son of you were carrying a girl?

Yes probably.

The point is, I'll never have another child. If this were a girl, I'd never get to experience having a son or even the possibility of having a son.

This stems much more from the fact that I won't ever have another child or the opportunity to ever have a daughter and letting that go (it likely would have been the same the other way around) than being disappointed I'm having a son.

Trust me, I am happy my baby is healthy. I am happy to be having a son. I am just a little sad that this is the last of babies and children for me meaning I likely will never experience having a daughter.

I also don't think it's the epitome of motherhood at all. But it's what I'm used to so just what I had pictured. I am an only child daughter so I only have my experience to go off.

I know plenty of women who wanted sons. My best friend told me she's incredibly jealous because she wants a boy so badly but doesn't want anymore children and has a daughter. It's nothing against her daughter. It's just something she knows she won't experience now.

So, your relationship with your mum wasnt great? but that could happen again if you had a daughter surely- there is no guarantee you're going to be best chums is there?- you might have the exact same, difficult relationship you did with your own mother

Yes I know, I've said numerous times that posters are right and my ideas in my head probably wouldn't turn into reality anyway. I get that.

I have two boys, three miscarriages (I know two were girls) would of loved a girl but it's not meant to be. I get where your coming from

I really don’t get the obsession with some women about having girls. I have one of each and honestly didn’t have a preference either way and didn’t find out the sex of either of mine at my scans. My dsis is a little odd and was openly disappointed when she found out that she was having a boy. A year after she had my nephew I had my second dc who is a girl and she was proper snide to me. I believe she said something along the lines of typical, so you had the first grandchild for our our parents and now you’ll probably have the the only girl too. She was actually in a strop after I’d given birth just because she was a girl! She went on to have a girl a few years later and it is very obvious how differently she treats my niece and nephew. She raves to me and on Facebook about how amazing my niece is yet my nephew never gets a mention. He feels pushed out and how his sister gets all the attention. So having a girl isn’t the bee all and end all.

YANBU OP.

I've said this before... your post will bring the usual avalanche of 'girls are so bitchy/complex, boys are cuddly they love their mums best blah blah' plus the digs at wanting a mini-me to dress up, oooh I never saw the difference because I'm not so shallow to be obsessed by makeup and hair etc.'

And yet, here all those women are... on a mainly female site, because they see and cherish the value of adult interaction and communication that is uniquely female to female.

No I do not think that, in the main, adult male to female familial closeness is at all the same as the female-female equivalent. And that is what you are talking about.

I hear you. I can also completely see that your feelings don't reflect how you feel about having an (amazing, unique, precious!) little son.

Bear in mind, though... that personality is hugely important. I don't talk to my mother - we do not get on. My valued female-female relationships that I speak of above are with my friends. So you may find, be it daughter or son, that your child won't necessarily be what you expect.

Not sure why anyone would post trying to make OP feel bad about this. You can't help how you feel.

I felt the same but the other way round. Desperately wanted a son. Could not picture myself with a daughter. I found out the sex at the 20 week scan because I was worried if it was a girl I'd be disappointed when she was born and I wanted time to get used to it.

As it turns out, he was a boy. But I still feel the same way about having a girl. I just can't picture myself with girls.

It is totally irrational and I have no idea where it comes from as I have a great relationship with my own mother.

To those who are upset about not having a daughter, what is it that you feel you will be missing?

My mum wanted a daughter and I did not live up to her expectations of what a daughter should be. In fact she said I should have been born a boy.

I think she set herself up for disappointment by having fixed ideas of what girls were and the type of relationships they would automatically have with their mothers. I still feel strangely guilty that I wasn't the person she'd dreamed of.

Daughters are overrated - as the owner of a 16 year old DD. They are going through puberty as you are perimenopausal.

When they get boyfriends despite you knowing you have ensured they understand about safe sex you worry that they will get pregnant - whilst a teenage pregnancy is devastating for both individuals involved, whatever decision is made it affects the long term future of the girl most.
I could go on, but like boys they their advantages and disadvantages.

Bite in what way? I asked a question. Answers are welcome from mother's of boys or girls or people without children, or whoever posts on MN

Because these threads are always about being disappointed about having boy. Every. Single. Time.

You can’t assume a DD would have the same kind of relationship you do with your DM. Your child is their own person.

FWIW I have boys and have never stood at the side of a freezing pitch. Mine swim and do martial arts.

My friend who has two girls is the one standing on the freezing pitches.

With both my pregnancies I assumed I was having a girl, both times we found out they were boys. At the end of the day they were both healthy and really that is what matters. But after the first boy everyone assumed we’d want a girl and after the second, it’s ‘will you be trying for a girl?’

Yes, I would have liked a girl but after complications with my second c-section, and not being in a position to afford a third child, we didn’t try. No guarantee of a girl anyway. ☺️ So I’ve put the thought away because this kind of unfulfillable wish isn’t good for my headspace. I have nieces and goddaughters and that’s helped too. But OP you’re not wrong or unnatural, we all wonder about things that might have been, not just about the gender of our child.

Why not adopt a girl? Lots of children in other countries who are in orphanages. That way you get a girl and give someone less fortunate a better life. Win win situation!

Exactly. I have children who have various combinations of hobbies including rugby, dance, lego, video games, cricket, cookery and martial arts. Some of them are loud and boisterous and some are quite and introspective. One is massively into clothes and fashion. The others couldn't give a shit. None of this has anything to do with their sex or gender.

It's sad that babies are born with the weight of all this expectation about gender stereotypes before their parents even see what they actually are like and like doing.

I understand op. I would also add I am on the sidelines in the cold at least four times a week too, with very sporty girls.

My dds and I chat for hours and hours together about every last thing (teens) and dh finds it amusing as he does not understand it all, but the connection between mothers and daughters is very strong, and can last a lifetime, well into adulthood. We understand each other so well, and there is an intimacy I have with both dds that no one else does, not even their father. It is like a little club, we involve dh but he prefers the TV to the girly chats! He does however like to play games and he enjoys sports together with dds instead. We are very close, and they tell me everything. I feel blessed that they trust me, and come to me still.

I agree with the pp though, it depends on the individual regardless of gender - a loving child is a loving child, and one that has a special bond with parents will continue long after they flee the nest.

I do get the girl thing, especially now I have my own. We are as tight as anything, but I adore children of either sex and your little boy will bring you a great deal of love and happiness (and possibly endless chats all evening too!)

I don't think you're being unreasonable.. I was so relieved when I found out I was expecting a little girl.. I would've loved my child regardless of course but we have such an unbreakable close bond especially now as I'm a single mum. Don't feel bad OP, I think deep down a lot of women have a preference xx

To those who are upset about not having a daughter, what is it that you feel you will be missing?

To me personally it was never about spa days or shopping trips or all of that stuff. I am just very close to my mum now, she's my best friend and I wonder if it would really be the same if I was a boy.

However I accept from reading comments on here that there are never any guarantees and it's down to personality.

I think we all picture things growing up from our experiences. The wedding we dreamed of, the little cottage we'd buy, going to work with a briefcase and the little children we'd have.... mine were going to be called Susan and Amelia, because those were the names in the books I was reading at the time and we were two sisters in my family.

My parents didn't know what to do with the Baby son I had first!! It caused months of merriment!

Reassure yourself that what you imagined and pictured will never be as good or rich and nuanced as what you get.

It's not the end as you may end up with a daughter in law, grand daughters, step daughter or a god-daughter at some
point. You might likely prefer boys (by then as you have a lovely son coming!

If it helps, None of my daughters are how I imagined "my daughters" would be like when I was younger, but they are equally fab as they are. Tbh I imagined all my children would be less noisy and more "yes mummy" than they turned out ", (argh, the number of No Mummy!!" you get 😂 )

Boys / sons are wonderful and I have some of each, sons and daughters/. You'll love getting to know your son. As an only child you and he will be very close if you are a loving parent. You get the relationship you build with who they are, not an imaginary one. It's a privilege

I had 3 girls, and when one of them was pregnant I was hoping she was having a girl, as I've only had experience of having girls, and didn't know how I'd be with a boy.
Well, she had a boy and he's a delight, always into everything, loves dinosaurs(as did my daughter!) Lego, climbing trees, dirt, worms, fart jokes! (Gets that from granddad!) I was worried I would feel different about him, not because he was a boy but because he wasn't a girl IYSWIM, as that's all I've experienced. He is my sunshine.

I think it also doesn't help that I just don't have experience at all of sons/boys. I don't have any brothers or nephews and my husband isn't really close to his parents.

Fair play for taking that on board.

Check out Liz Hurley and her son, though that might be taking it a step too far .....

My DH visits his mum regularly and takes her on days (or holiday) out. My SIL only calls her mum when she wants money or childcare.

Just bring him up in the same close way as you would a daughter. Plenty of men like shopping, pampering and gossipy lunches. Just because they have a penis they are just left out too often.

You don't have experience of babies or your own child is what you mean. But you will. we all start off like that, and it will be fine . Enjoy your pregnancy.

YANBU, I have 3 boys and a 4th on the way. But they are so incredible, and such different characters that I really don’t think I’m missing out on anything at all. I hope when they’re adults we’ll still be close. I’ve been able to do everything I would want to do with a daughter.

I really wanted a girl, and not for shopping! As I hate shopping but I felt I would be much closer to a girl too. I envisaged enjoying their childhood, and being super close to them, and then a deep and loving friendship that develops into adulthood. We would share the same interests and kinship I suppose.
If you have a very strong relationship with your own mother op I can really see why this is important to you. Given you have such a strong bond, I would imagine the same will happen with your baby regardless of sex. I don't know many men that are very close to their parents as adults either, but I am sure they exist.

@Tatatatata please don't worry about your boy not needing his mum when he's grown up. My boys are 26, 25 & 22 and I'm still the first person they call with good news or bad or if they need to talk. That will change I'm sure when they settle down with partners, but for now I still feel needed