Partner just pissed on the kitchen floor

[fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits]

We have a downstairs toilet, it was less than 3 steps away. He's fucking pissed on the kitchen floor. Now he's trying to sleep on the sofa while I pacify his daughter (who ou love dearly!) because he put her to bed at 5.

Keep getting "why you being mardy"

"Babe what's up"

"Why you being off with me?"

Well perhaps it's because I'm parenting tour child while you claim exhaustion b the sofa. And to think this moron is begging me to have a baby with him 😂 give me strength!!!!!!!!!!

How r u now? Any update

Why did you leave? It's your house and your car. If he's upset, he's more than likely to mess it up as revenge. I hope you're settling in well and can rest at your mum's

Maybe read through your other posts before thinking you love him. He may be ok when sober but in your other threads you’ve said that you’ve never fancied him.
It’s perfectly natural to feel scared of change and to think back fondly but he ripped your clothes off of you and burnt you with a lighter FFS.
Please remember that you and you girls deserve much more than him.

No wonder your Mum is upset.

Thank goodness you have her.

Do you love this looser more than that poor child you bundled into a taxi last night?

Taking her from her home because this looser, who has no right to your home, is more important.

I feel so sorry for your child.

Thank God for your mother.

I'm glad you have told her what's going on.
Have you told her how he sexually asssults you?

Hopefully now with your mother is in the know, she at least will try and protect your child from this toxic, abusive home that you have this abusive man dominate.

Wake up OP and see the truth of this environment for your child.

Is this how you were reared?

If not, why would you do this to your child?

Protect your child OP

Well done op for getting things started. I hope you've told your mum the full truth of what he's done to you.
Don't feel bad about your actions, he doesn't feel bad about his.
It might be hard for a while but honestly, you are making the best decision in the long run. You now have to be strong and stick to it this time though, no more feeling sorry or bad or guilty whatever he may come back with. Especially for your dc.

Also remember that he did piss on your floor.
Would you do that ?

I would also say to stop drinking for a bit- make yourself as sober and sensible as you can so your resolve stays as steely as possible.

Wow. It amazes me that women are still living in these situations in 2020. It's like something from a 60s kitchen sink drama. Do you really need a man like this in your life, OP? Wouldn't you have a better life without him? Or at least some basic hygiene?

@fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits your mum isn't mad at you 'directly'. She's mad because you've been so unhappy and abused. It's an odd thing, the way we mums can separate those two things.

I hope things went well this morning (it's just now morning where I am). It may be a rough few days getting him and his shit out, but it will be so worth it. Don't be afraid to call the police to help you get him out if he won't leave.

Oh, and make changing the house locks a priority. Leaving keys doesn't mean much, they could already have had a duplicate set made.

He's sexually assaulted you, pressured you into sex, put a lighter to your genitals, he hurts your nipples so they split, you hate kissing him and you've wanted to leave since March. Who gives a fuck if he doesn't want to move back to his mums, you and your children deserve better. Enjoy being single and working on yourself.

This a horrible environment for your children to live in. Just because he's not punching you doesn't mean he's not abusing you OP, you can still contact Women's Aid, your feelings are just as valid. Please don't let him come back.

I hope the worthless bastard is out of your house and you and your girls back at home.
Yes 100% change the locks and you can 3v3n change the car key locks too just in case he may have made a copy.
Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Please do make a complaint of his assaults so there a record and hope that the next woman would do a background check.
Best of luck and enjoy your new freedom.

I think this is a "get out while you can" situation. If he's pissed when he was meant to be responsible for a small child that's a serious issue, you don't need that baggage

She's not really fuming at you, she's just worried and concerned. Thank goodness you've told her, she'll be a rock.
The love is not real, you will see it disappear like mist once you have some head space.

Morning BISCUITS.

I am glad your Mum was going back with you to pick stuff up.

How is it going?

Focus not on his upset, but on the happiness and mental health of you and your Dd.

He doesn’t have the right to expect you to live in unhappiness or to put your Dd in emotional danger in order to keep his own happiness.

He isn’t happy anyway. He wouldn’t get into a drunken abusive state if he was healthily happy. He just wants to control you so that he can pretend to himself he is happy.

Did you watch the Des series about Dennis Nilsen, with David Tenant? In the 3rd episode they contact a young lad, Carl, who was a victim of attempted murder, and survived. Having strangled him almost to death Nilsen saw that he was still alive and decided to keep in in this near death state, keeping him warm in his bed. Carl describes how even though this man tried to kill him, he was the only person in his life who had shown him any care or kindness of the kind he did after the attempted strangulation and drowning. And he latched in to the feeling of being cared for so out of loyalty did not go to the police when he recovered enough to go home, having stayed with Nilsen for several days.

I thought of all the women living in abusive relationships when I saw that scene.

Can U update us @fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits

@DidoAtTheLido

Morning BISCUITS.

I am glad your Mum was going back with you to pick stuff up.

How is it going?

Focus not on his upset, but on the happiness and mental health of you and your Dd.

He doesn’t have the right to expect you to live in unhappiness or to put your Dd in emotional danger in order to keep his own happiness.

He isn’t happy anyway. He wouldn’t get into a drunken abusive state if he was healthily happy. He just wants to control you so that he can pretend to himself he is happy.

Did you watch the Des series about Dennis Nilsen, with David Tenant? In the 3rd episode they contact a young lad, Carl, who was a victim of attempted murder, and survived. Having strangled him almost to death Nilsen saw that he was still alive and decided to keep in in this near death state, keeping him warm in his bed. Carl describes how even though this man tried to kill him, he was the only person in his life who had shown him any care or kindness of the kind he did after the attempted strangulation and drowning. And he latched in to the feeling of being cared for so out of loyalty did not go to the police when he recovered enough to go home, having stayed with Nilsen for several days.

I thought of all the women living in abusive relationships when I saw that scene.

That would really imply to me that those reared in neglect and that then go on to live in abusive relationships have actually been physiologically damaged to such an extent that even being shown care by someone hurting them terribly doesn't register as wrong.

Utterly chilling.....and so desperately sad.

billy1966

Exactly. It is a very common pattern.

And it is the reason that most people who have never been in an abusive relationship find it hard to understand why a woman wouldn’t ‘just leave’. And quite often harangue them and accuse them of being bad mothers.

Thus compounding what an abuser typically says : “no one else cares about you, no one else will ever care about you like I do because I love you and know what’s best for you, and also you are rubbish and no one else would put up with you”.

That would really imply to me that those reared in neglect and that then go on to live in abusive relationships have actually been physiologically damaged to such an extent that even being shown care by someone hurting them terribly doesn't register as wrong.

A quote I read somewhere:

Children who are abused don't stop loving their parents, they stop loving themselves

I agree with all of that, but it's also the case that abuse often creeps up gradually, interspersed with periods of harmony and normality. The cycle of abuse also helps explain why victims stay - they feel that their behaviour or attitude has helped to make things better when the violence stops, and they keep on trying to get to that perfect zone afterwards. The illusion that they can control the mood of the abuser is a powerful factor in keeping victims stuck.

@netsybetsy

That would really imply to me that those reared in neglect and that then go on to live in abusive relationships have actually been physiologically damaged to such an extent that even being shown care by someone hurting them terribly doesn't register as wrong.

A quote I read somewhere:

Children who are abused don't stop loving their parents, they stop loving themselves

@netsybetsy

That quote makes heartbreaking sense.

@ fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits

i am really hoping that you and your mum have done what you said and have gone back to your house yesterday, and thrown the fucker out on his ear !

I'm feeling desperately sorry for his DD though, but that cannot stop you from doing what's right for you and your DC. You do need to tell his ExW exactly what he's been doing though, so she can stop her DD seeing him until the situation with him improves (if it ever does).

As another poster said, it doesn't matter if he takes all his furniture, it's still going to feel better for you and your DC to not have to worry what/ when he will fuck up next. The sense of calm and freedom will more than make up for some missing furniture.

@fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits are u going to update us or have you abandoned the thread? Some commenters here are actually genuinely concerned for u

@fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits hope you're okay and not responding because you're busy and not because you've let him come back/are in danger

I imagine he has pulled out all the stops to win you back, you are his accommodation, weekly childcare and shag. Please don’t fall back into it again, you have never fancied him and he hurts you. You get nothing from him at all apart from hassle and abuse.
We are all rooting for you because we don’t want crappy men like him getting away with it any longer. You, your girls, his daughter, his next poor sap, all deserve better.

@RoSEbuds6

I imagine he has pulled out all the stops to win you back, you are his accommodation, weekly childcare and shag. Please don’t fall back into it again, you have never fancied him and he hurts you. You get nothing from him at all apart from hassle and abuse. We are all rooting for you because we don’t want crappy men like him getting away with it any longer. You, your girls, his daughter, his next poor sap, all deserve better.

I imagine he has done the very basics of being a partner, like not getting drunk to the point he is pissing on the floor, and op’s boundaries and expectations have been so badly damaged, she thinks it is a win.