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Original poster

To cancel christmas

409 replies

amms36 · 05/09/2020 00:46

This year has been absolutely awful. I am not convinced that it is going to improve over the next few months either.

I have tentatively told family members that I am cancelling Christmas this year. By this I mean I won't be putting up a tree, I won't be doing any 'festive' shopping, and I won't be doing anything special for Christmas Day.

Likewise, I don't expect any gifts, or anything related to Christmas.

DH thinks this is extreme and I am being unreasonable. My point is that I have never particularly loved Christmas, and feel this year especially it feels like more trouble than it will be worth. Who knows what restrictions will even be in place come December?

OP posts:
Friendsoftheearth · 05/09/2020 08:58

pts I am sorry that sounds really awful Flowers

Peachy1381 · 05/09/2020 08:58

I think you should do what will feel best for you, with consideration to what your DH wants as well.

Perhaps a full on cancellation is a bit extream but there isn't anything wrong in scalling right back given everything around finacial insercurity and how miserable this year has been.

Don't bother with decorations if you don't want, or keep it really light. Maybe treat yourself to nicer food and drink than you would normally have. Sack off presents and dont bend to the comercialisation of the season.

Tell you family that you are keeping it very small and quiet this year when the pressure starts.

FlapsInTheWind · 05/09/2020 09:00

Why not have an 'austerity' Christmas OP. We have had these. We called them this or 'wartime' Christmas where we made cheap decorations from newspaper and tin foil and had a cheap cut of meat instead and very little else. If I'm honest I enjoyed them equally to all the bells and whistles.

We have already told family we are not visiting this year and are staying locked down. We are both looking to get life changing surgery though so C-19 could spell disaster for us. Despite this we are going to make the absolute most of it and are looking forward to it.

Christmas can be what you want it to be. It is kept in the heart not the tills of retailers.

Fruitsaladjelly · 05/09/2020 09:00

Stopping dh putting up a tree is extreme but I think not doing gifts is fine, lots of people do that anyway. Have a nicer than normal dinner and just let people know you’ve decided to just have a day together but you aren’t doing the commercial element of the day, your reduction in income makes this completely understandable to the most die hard Christmas doers. The whole gift thing has gone too far imo, kids used to be thrilled with one gift and a few treats in a stocking, now it’s become some great spending frenzy which isn’t what it about. As you don’t have kids it’s fine to just do away with this part in full.

GinWithRosie · 05/09/2020 09:01

Why do you feel the need to announce it OP? Just do what you want! It's nobody else's business at the end of the day is it?You can't 'cancel Christmas' as it's not yours to cancel. You can, however, just go about December as you wish. No big deal. I just don't understand why people feel the need to share their deal 🤷‍♀️

help1help · 05/09/2020 09:01

Christmas can be a celebration of hope, the return of the sun, a reminder, even on the darkest night, that spring will come again.

You don't have to have a big gaudy Christmas. It could be a quiet, reflective one.

Ghostlyglow · 05/09/2020 09:02

I'm with you OP. I don't like Christmas at all, it doesn't hold great childhood memories for me and I don't have much family. I really don't like insensitive people telling me I should like it, or accusing me of being miserable because I don't.
Your dp should organise stuff, if they are that bothered.

MarshaBradyo · 05/09/2020 09:03

I like doing Christmas for the dc, as they enjoy it. But tbh I see other parts of nature as better expressions of the hope and Light pp keep mentioning.

iheartwinter · 05/09/2020 09:03

We've already both seen our incomes fall by 75% OP that is awful. No wonder you are struggling to feel merry about Christmas. I think it would be perfectly reasonable to tell family you can't think about it now and see how you feel later in the year. Perhaps they can make plans without you and you can slot in in whatever way possible if you feel like it at the time.

Cam2020 · 05/09/2020 09:04

No year is useless or a write off. Some are worse and more difficult than others, but this is a year of your life you won't get back - next year, or indeed tomorrow, is not guaranteed. There is absolutely nothing to be gained by focussing only on the negative. You don't need to go all out Christmas, do presents you can't afford or participate in festivities if you don't feel like it or it's just not you, but the dramatic cancelling Christmas just sounds like a pity party to me. Christmas (if you're not religious) is about spending time with loved ones and engaging in simple pleasures.

Mymycherrypie · 05/09/2020 09:05

I agree, you could have just said nothing and had a quiet day on your own with your DH having normal food etc.

It’s the flouncing and cancelling and announcing that makes it more like seeking out misery and drama.

merrymouse · 05/09/2020 09:05

I could consider just having a very informal day with some inexpensive but more special food.

This sounds like a good idea.

There is no need to spend loads of money or travel to see people.

It sounds as though you don't so much want to 'cancel Christmas' as have a low key, inexpensive, no pressure Christmas.

iheartwinter · 05/09/2020 09:06

Putrescence that sounds really tough. Flowers

SockYarn · 05/09/2020 09:06

It's the "sameness" of it all, @Friendsoftheearth. The expectation to do the same thing, every year. Suggested last year to the kids we have something other than turkey and you think i'd suggested roasting the guinea pigs.

It's just not my thing - I'd much happier live in an eternal spring with lengthening nights where I can get out after dinner for a walk in the light. I don't like hot chocolate, snuggling under a blanket is my idea of hell and all the plastic tat in the shops is so depressing. It really is a total chore and everyone is totally focused on it through the autumn. There's no deep-seated trauma or loss, I just would much rather be doing other things and think that Christmas is totally overblown, over the top and a waste of time and effort.

Also easy to say to avoid it or do your own thing. you can't when you have children. Even switching on the tv/radio in december it's wall to wall "Festive" movies and noddy fucking holder.

easythatsfragile · 05/09/2020 09:07

@amms36

Yes, if Christmas is to happen, it will be me who does the cooking, does the organising etc etc.

The suggestions of a compromise are fair. The reason I am thinking about it now is because I know I am days away from a full on pressurising from family members.

What, if anything, does your DH actually do to contribute to 'Christmas' in your house?

Are you the one who has to put up all the decorations, organise visits to and from other family members, buy all the presents, sort out tablecloths, cutlery, crackers etc, buy and write all the cards, tidy everywhere, plan what you are going to eat and buy and cook all the food?

If you are, and this year you simply can't face doing all that, then you are definitely not being unreasonable - he is.

Friendsoftheearth · 05/09/2020 09:07

For those that dislike christmas how about celebrating new years day? A start of something new and fresh, nothing to do with forced giving. We have long celebrated the day of the new year, more than seeing off an old (and rubbish) year - perhaps consider that next year will be better than this one and worthy of celebration of some kind however small.

Giving meaning to your own traditions, authentic moments in life that mean something to you personally.

Charles11 · 05/09/2020 09:08

Nothing wrong with your plan and just let your dh carry on doing what he wants.
We only do gifts for kids and Christmas, for us, is usually a big family gathering. We won’t be doing that this year as the dc are back at school and can’t take chances with the elderly family members.

ivykaty44 · 05/09/2020 09:09

Id suggest to your dh that he does all the cooking and organising this year and you'll go along with it gladly - see if he really wants to put the effort into the day

Justpickaname · 05/09/2020 09:10

@amms36

DH and me. Usually we have family over or would visit family with younger children.

My reasons are

  1. The expense. We've already both seen our incomes fall by 75%

  2. The forced nature of it.

  3. Uncertainty

  4. I don't see much to celebrate. In fact, under current circumstances I just think it'll be a reminder of how miserable everything is right now.

But there's no way expense in putting a tree up and a few decorations. I get the gift buying though, if you can't afford it, then you are right to say you won't be buying. If you are invited round for Christmas dinner, go, it will do you a world if good to be around happy people
Auridon4life · 05/09/2020 09:10

It's a pandemic not the blitz. You just want to punish everyone for things being bad

MarshaBradyo · 05/09/2020 09:12

To be fair to the op her income has reduced hugely. It may not be the blitz but it’s a blow.

You don’t have to entertain others. You don’t have to drive far. But Dh could do Christmas for you this year at home.

snitzelvoncrumb · 05/09/2020 09:12

Nothing stopping DH from doing Christmas.

iheartwinter · 05/09/2020 09:12

sounds like a pity party to me i think its ok to feel like this sometimes.

Also I wonder if the "cancel" reaction reflects how full on the pressure is to do Christmas in the first place.

ItWorriesMeThisKindofThing · 05/09/2020 09:15

Don’t tell your family you are cancelling it - some people take that as a challenge to persuade/guilt you into a different decision. Put a positive spin on “celebrating by ourselves this year” and do whatever low key gifts/dinner suits you and your DH.

Friendsoftheearth · 05/09/2020 09:15

Suggested last year to the kids we have something other than turkey and you think i'd suggested roasting the guinea pigs

Grin I am sure you are called the christmas grinch quietly sock but I do understand that year after year wheeling out the same songs, decorations and tat can be a chore. For some they see the special christmases of the past in the tatty old decorations, and the excitement of what is to come, but yes I understand for others it is a total headache, and can bring on bad MH (not yours necessarily but for others)

Just to ask you why you don't shake it up anyway? Regardless do a neon christmas or an Aussie theme in the garden with BBQ turkey, cocktails and party music. You don't need to continue with the boring aspects of christmas. Ditch the traditions and do things your way.
Noddy Holder makes me twitch too, and I love Christmas. It reminds of me of sweaty heaving shops and angry shoppers and tat central.

Dh suggested only putting decs up on the 24th late afternoon? Down again on the 26th? You always have that option!!