To cancel christmas

[amms36]

This year has been absolutely awful. I am not convinced that it is going to improve over the next few months either.

I have tentatively told family members that I am cancelling Christmas this year. By this I mean I won't be putting up a tree, I won't be doing any 'festive' shopping, and I won't be doing anything special for Christmas Day.

Likewise, I don't expect any gifts, or anything related to Christmas.

DH thinks this is extreme and I am being unreasonable. My point is that I have never particularly loved Christmas, and feel this year especially it feels like more trouble than it will be worth. Who knows what restrictions will even be in place come December?

And by “do” I mean get your DH to do it, if he cares more about it than you!

I think for many people Christmas this year is going to be all about the ritual of it all. Tree, mince pies, dog eared copies of Night before Christmas, The Great Escape on tv, granny snoring away in the corner arm chair etc. Humans in general find comfort in the familiar and the expected and we need it this year more than ever.
We are going to have a funny Christmas this year as last year I missed DS1s first Christmas as I was so ill with morning sickness with DS2. DS2 was stillborn in June so we obviously won’t be quite the group we were expecting to be this year. But the show must go on, just as it did the year we cremated my Gran on Christmas Eve, just as it did the year my Dad contracted a tropical disease at work and spent the day in hospital, just as it always will year after year. Because nothing is certain except Christmas, death and taxes.
If you don’t think any of it will help you, I don’t see why you should be landed with the grunt work. Let DH take care of you for a change, you might actually enjoy it this year.

I agree OP - be glad to see the back of this year! I always end up hosting because mum is too old to do it really and is boring for DD at her house anyway. Single sister always comes to stay for at least a week and l have to cram meeting up with others. So we will have a lovely one as usual but won't be sorry to tone it down a lot

I enjoy Christmas, always have
Have a close extended family I love spending time with,lots of friends I love having festive nights out with, and love doing Christmas stuff with my DH and DC.Presents for adults kept to a minimum,cooking and other jobs shared out.

But if you don't enjoy it ,don't do it,or keep it simpler

gies what a brave post.

@SockYarn do it. Apparently it's something everyone should taste once in their life.
www.musclefood.com/peruvian-cuy.html
😂

I get that tbh. I loath turkey. Have you considered not telling them and serving something like duck or the mixed bird roast thing? Once it's there they won't boycott it.

I’m doing seafood this year. No one likes turkey and I’m going to the fishmonger and spending loads on scallops and sashimi grade fish etc

Admittedly I don't feel much like it this year. I've had a terrible year after losing my younger brother and being diagnosed with cancer (from which I am recovering thankfully). Usually we would go to family and have a few days away. This year kids and I are staying home as I will still be immune suppressed. I am quite looking forward to it just being the three of us, making a lovely roast beef lunch and having a chilled day. I've started buying gifts and will start stashing food next month. I want it to be as stress free as possible this year. I understand wanting to be low key but it's a shame to not have something to look forward to considering how utterly awful 2020 had been!

I would disagree that the show must go on. The 25th December, will arrive ( I assume) and it is as well to consider it. It is 24 hours at the darkest time of the year. I have full respect for Christians celebrating the birth of Jesus, but for everyone else it is a Landfill Fest.

Just do or don't do what you wish. Some nice food amd drink , a few gifts and chuck some holly around.

We're duly prepared to go low key this year but we'll still have tree and presents as a minimum! My kids have decided that if we're stuck in lockdown again we're going to have a curry and make the most of it.

Have people thought how they’ll deal with Christmas and older relatives mixed with school aged children? I normally host but most relatives are elderly and some in shielding category. I can’t see how I can host again responsibly? I’ve even considered outdoors with heaters but think impractical.

There's no need to cancel just keep it simple. Tell family you aren't doing presents as money is tight and just get your dp something small.

I bet we'll see a whole raft of 'Christmas will be rubbish this year' threads. Imo its about resilience/getting a grip. It sounds cheesy but if you're with your immediate family then that's good enough. Extended family can be seen Xmas eve then boxing day if social distancing still required. Its only a massive big deal if people make it one.

I am committing the sin of not reading the thread, but years ago my Dad cancelled christmas. It was always filled with expectations, and expense and angst. He had had enough when i was about 14.

So we did not go to our families )(which was a blessing) and we stayed in and watched films and made chinese food (which dad is brilliant at) and for presents my sister and I got extra horseriding lessons (maybe 1-2).

It was brilliant. I did not celebrate christmas until I was an adult and met DH. I love c christmas now, but I have fond memmories of our anti christmas. :)

I'd say to your dh that you don't feel that you are able to sort out Christmas this year and please could he do it instead. Set out what you feel able to do with regards to other people But by handing over responsibility like that, it then wouldn't be fair to criticise what ever he comes up with, as long as it doesn't cross your boundaries around visits.

it does seem very extreme cancelling it.
Are you churchgoers? get back to the religious aspect of it.
not churchgoers? how about making decorations, upcycling things etc etc. Making presents, baking biscuits and things. You know - the family things that Christmas is supposed to be all about?

The point about having a celebration with tasty food and candles is that it's midwinter and cheers people up. If you take that away how is your family's mental health going to cope? You sound as though yours isn't the best, tbh.

In your original post, you do not say who you will be spending Christmas with, or whether you will be alone, and I think it really depends on the ages of children, etc
Decorations and Christmas tree. We put up the same artificial tree each year.
The build up to Christmas. It is possible that carol services with singing may be cancelled, but there will be TV recordings of past events to listen/watch. This creates the atmosphere.
Christmas Food. This can easily be reduced, but still festive. A Turkey Roast, rather than a full Turkey, for example.
Presents. Can be small and consumable (ie toiletries, which will get used, or festive food tied with ribbon)
In the past, when both my DH and I were out of work, we still managed to provide a reasonable good Christmas, and still buy presents for many nieces and nephews (by choosing carefully from fetes and markets, and / or buying well in advance).

I would start a new christmas tradition..you now have the perfect chance! Christmas eve here is different cos I have a small child who still believes in father christmas so it full on carrot mince pie etc for rudolph,you know the thing! However if it is just you two I would make it the best ever but way different.Put your tree up and xmas eve have a picnic in your garden.yep it will be freezing but who cares! Have hot chocolate and a bonfire to keep you warm anything different will do and costs amount to zero...save some sparklers from bonfire night anything ..this is your time together you can make the most of it! Xmas day,long lazy lay in with breakfast in bed..hot bath..jamas back on all cozy! Have lunch what ever you like,some years we order a take away thenight before and have that! then snugge up on the sofa and watch crap movies or dance round the kitchen to the radio anything! Must include chocolate though lol. There you go..a fab xmas with no trailing about to see others and creating special times for you two to look back on. I am all for not doing xmas for others..its stress filled and expensive and pretty pointless but people often do it out of mis placed guilt..this year no guilt! Make it the new normal..If you do want to see people go boxing day to pass on a few hours if not dont go for a walk..you choose. Your not being unreasonable for feeling like you do but then neither is your husband,Please try however uncomfortable to hammer out the issues today..get it over with and planned then put it to bed as a done deal otherwise its just something else to stress about for months to come and no one needs that...a bit of give n take on both sides should see you both have a fab xmas....

Christmas isn't supposed to be miserable. If you don't enjoy specific traditions, don't do them. But equally don't force OH to not do them, if he enjoys them. Let him take on the mental load of organising things that he enjoys and maybe you can join in here and there if you feel like it. It might give you pleasure to see him happy?

Why not start some new traditions this year? E.g. have fish and chips for Xmas dinner. 1 present each, take £1 to the pound shop and see what's the most random thing you can find for each other!! Don't change out of PJs all day. Spend 3h in the bath.

You need things in life to look forward to, if Xmas isn't your thing then invent other things. No one is stopping you.

@snitzelvoncrumb

Nothing stopping DH from doing Christmas.

Yep. If you have ended up doing all the Christmas admin and work I'm not surprised you don't enjoy it.

Never in my house. I have children, but even without always loved Christmas. It's so cosy and pretty 😊
I do have a friend couple who did thus last year though, they are late thirties with no kids and they just said they always found it too stressful.
Haven't seen them much since to ask how it went and whether they'll be doing the sane this year though xx

That wouldn’t fly at all here. Our dog died on my mums birthday last week, she was distraught, and you know what? We still went out for dinner with her, and talked about the good times together because it was a lot better than moping around. the house and feeling sorry for ourselves.

Whatever you do don’t alienate yourselves come December ❤️

It does seem a bit dramatic but if you don't actually like the tree, food, receiving gifts from others than why ever do it?

I personally love to decorate a tree, the house, experiment with cooking and make a nice meal. It doesn't matter that we won't be seeing everyone. I'm lucky I have my husband with me to do it with.

It would be nice to do what you can and have some things to look forward to, right?

I'm actually looking forward to having something vaguely.exciging to do inside the house!

OP - it's way too drastic to say you'll 'cancel' Christmas. I'd do the opposite - try and have a really festive, cosy time, to ring the year out with some cheer and good vibes not wallow in how grim it's been.

It makes sense not to host if your income is 75% down and you are feeling drained by this year. It is the hosting that makes Christmas so exhausting. But you can still have a quiet Christmas at home and make an effort to brighten up the end of the year.

You can have a lovely time on a budget. It's more about attitude than expense. A small tree or some branches, decorated with last year's decs, carols on the radio, a log fire, a chilled bottle of prosecco or red, a roast chicken instead of turkey. clementines, walnuts and a box of chocolates, a few good films on TV, a carefully chosen inexpensive present for each person who is around, some family quizzes and board games, a carol concert, nativity or midnight mass, frosty walks followed by hot chocolate or hot toddies.

That's only a few pounds more than a normal week, but can still feel massively festive. I'd be surprised if you didn't feel better for making a low-key effort, than if you just completely reject the season because the rest of the year was so tough.

Have a Good Life Christmas, home made paper chains and crackers. A big chicken and lots of cheap booze.