To cancel christmas

[amms36]

This year has been absolutely awful. I am not convinced that it is going to improve over the next few months either.

I have tentatively told family members that I am cancelling Christmas this year. By this I mean I won't be putting up a tree, I won't be doing any 'festive' shopping, and I won't be doing anything special for Christmas Day.

Likewise, I don't expect any gifts, or anything related to Christmas.

DH thinks this is extreme and I am being unreasonable. My point is that I have never particularly loved Christmas, and feel this year especially it feels like more trouble than it will be worth. Who knows what restrictions will even be in place come December?

@userxx

Dont be so miserable.

Why it is miserable ? I cancelled it last year and spent 10 days in the canaries, pure bliss.

ooh please tell me how they celebrate it there in holiday places, and how hot it was? This I definitely want to do. PM if necessary so we don't get called grinches!

Couldn't agree more re the tat etc. The amount of waste Christmas generates, it has no place in this day and age of concern for the environment (and no, I am not a rabid member of XR).

'Dont be so miserable.'

People have a right to be miserable under the present circumstances.

In any case: it is fortunately generally accepted nowadays that as the current saying goes, 'it's OK not to be OK' and that one should not force a depressed or sad person to be jolly or blame them for their being yes, miserable. This does not change because of the sacred C word: 'BUT IT'S CHRISTMAS!' (actually it isn't for several months, of course!)

It would be a bit selfish to forbid others to celebrate it, but if someone isn't up to engaging in the whole perfectionist ritual of creating the Perfect Magical Christmas, that is too often demanded nowadays, they shouldn't be pressed to do so. I would indeed suggest that the OP avoids using the word 'cancel', as this can carry overtones of punishment ('We're cancelling your party because you've been so naughty!'); but I think that, especially if there are no young children, she has a right to opt out of Creating the Perfect Christmas if she doesn't feel like it this year.

'Every year I roll my eyes at "i would love to not do it so stressful, all the tat and money spend on nothing" not because I would think "ugh Grinch". Not at all. It's because every year people moan about it all and then still bloody do it all and moan bit more.
Just don't do it all🤷🏻
Don't spend all day travelling, don't max out credit cards, don't spend 4 days cooking for 1 meal. Just chill. Eat what you like, relax and buy only few presents, if any. Tadaa, simple. It genuinely is possible to have relaxing Christmas time🍸'

Couldn't agree more! I've really enjoyed Christmas since making a firm resolution to treat it as a relaxing holiday, rather than an expensive and exhausting exam. Of course it does depend on having friends and relatives prepared to accept this.

Just to clarify (not that I should have to) DH and I cannot have children. If I did have my own DC, I would not 'cancel' Christmas. Given our circumstances, I'd scale it back but still try for their sake. Since we are not in that position, I don't feel an obligation to celebrate an event when I am feeling as I do at the moment.

I have told DH that if he would like a tree up then he is of course welcome to do that. Likewise, if he would rather go somewhere else for the day, he is also free to do that too (he says he doesn't want to).

I've tended to always believe that you shouldn't force something. So I would struggle at the moment to adopt a 'everything is good/normal' sort of approach. And because I will shortly face family pressure it actually feels like a weight from my shoulders to be able to be upfront about this now, instead of delaying/worrying about people making plans for me when I would rather that they didn't.

But thank you for the (mostly) constructive replies. They have been appreciated, and I have decided to go for a 'Christmas compromise' over a 'Christmas cancellation'.

Of course it does depend on having friends and relatives prepared to accept this.

They will moan once and then give up.

I hope you enjoy your Christmas Compromise. It has the potential to be relaxing and lovely.

Stand firm in the face of the family pressure, don't back down, this is what you want to do.

Anything which reduces anxiety and foreboding and promotes calm has got to be a good thing, especially in these times. Do what is right for you. I am taking some tips from this thread for my personal use too.

Hi OP well done on the Christmas compromise decision.

A few things that have helped me over the years with Christmas are the following:
We take turns in hosting.
Those not hosting still provide a course of the meal or contribute e.g. Starters, cheese, wine, snacks etc.

Presents - now this is a game changer - we all get the kids presents. Adults get allocated 1 other adult to buy for so instead of getting separate presents for mum, dad, sister, brother and brother in law, I just buy 1 present. We agree how much we are going to spend. If they don't have anything they want, we get vouchers. So much easier and cheaper plus you get something you actually want instead of some tatt

Oh i missed the bog update

Op, I am sure you will enjoy the compromise. Do not do everything. Share stuff. We really enjoy cooking food together while sipping drinks and taking piss out of each other and playing the cheesiest songs on Alexa. Maybe you two would enjoy team working in a kitchen together and have some fun with it. I get why you don't like doing it all by yourself.
Get some good board game for the evening. We always play some. I am considering buying Exploding Kittens this year as a Christmas present for us Bears vs babies are reportedly good too. If your marriage is strong, simple Monopoly will do Or a nice movie. Or a youtube dance lessons. Or try to pain each other naked.

Do your own thing. Just have some fun and relax with someone you like. Now that's Christmas!

Big, not bog😂

Totally agree with each doing a course. That really helps.

I think that you should speak with your family members, and compromise with something that will make you happy.

Last year we went away for Christmas, we spent the day at a water park, we shared 2 big doughnuts between five of us for a snack, we had a lovely, warm, sunny day.
We went back to our accommodation and three pizzas in the oven. Instead of a tree we threw a light up necklace sort of thing over a pineapple.

Secret santa and DD had gifts but we didnt bother much considering it's usually a massive, stressful undertaking.

This year our holiday is likely to be cancelled, so what were planning is to do a present hunt, with a small amount of gifts and booby prizes too. If our local indian is open were gonna have a curry.

DD is excited by that, and her only request is we could do a pass the parcel with the contents crackers have, cheesy jokes, little spinners, key rings, maybe a pack of cards.

This year will be different. We dont have thousands to throw away this year so itll not be christmas as we know it, but the family time is what matters.

@Plumbuddle Well it was a balmy 27 degrees, beautiful blue skies, on Xmas day we went fo the beach and just chilled out people watching, obviously a few cocktails were involved, be rude not to. Xmas day night we went to a gorgeous restaurant and sat outside on the terrace over looking a marina, the tapas beat any turkey I've ever had 😏. I'd do it every year if I could afford it.

oh how lovely, I may copy.

Personally I know some people who have already put their trees up, and I will be early November, because of this crappy virus it's all the more reason to. Christmas is not being cancelled for us.

@FrankskinnerscRoc

YANBU. I cannot believe so many people still do this ridiculous nonsense. I've not done it for years, & prefer to leave the country for a few weeks.

THIS....

Well done OP on reaching a compromise and remember that Christmas is literally a few days (for most people), so it won't last long and try and do something to enjoy it.

It’s up to you whether you want to celebrate Christmas or not but I think a tough year is a very good reason to celebrate Christmas. We have had a miserable year to try and keep our loved ones alive, to sit around that table on Christmas Day is a privilege that sadly so many families don’t have this year whether their loved one died of covid or died from delayed treatment. We won’t be having the usual visitors, no fun Christmas outings (unless of course things have improved a lot) but we will open presents (I’m using the extra time to hand make more this year) under our twinkling tree and enjoy pulling crackers over dinner

The holiday itself might only be a few days, but why oh why do we have to have Christmas tat in the shops from September, and weeks of cheesy TV commercials in the lead up to it?

Personally I know some people who have already put their trees up, and I will be early November, because of this crappy virus it's all the more reason to

They've put their tree's up already ? In September ? Do they smoke crack? Fucking ridiculous.

I voted you are being unreasonable. Not because you don’t want to do Christmas - but because you are being so dramatic about it so you are clearly wanting to trigger a reaction and some attention. Just your title ‘cancel’ christmas is a not so subtle que. And the fact you are announcing this so far ahead of christmas!

@Marmalizes* I'm so sorry to hear about your lovely DlL

I wonder if this essay might be helpful to you. It was written by the mother of Kate Gross who died on Christmas Day 2014 aged 36 and leaving twin boys aged 5. Her mum wrote the essay 3 years later to talk about how the family had coped with the loss of a much loved mummy, wife, daughter and sister.

If Christmas is stressful for you and you never enjoy it, I can understand why feeling like having to do the additional chore this year seems like the final straw. Cancel it! My mother has always hated Christmas but has this performative sense that she must do x y and z socially expected thing that she hates. I've always felt everyone would be happier if she felt she could just say she wasn't going to do it.

@amms36 I feel you, we normally have christmas at my mums who we lost in June after a long battle with me as carer on top of a full time job, on top of this I have been unwell myself IBS, Labrynthitis, depression plus more. Now my partner is unsure the relationship is what he wants too. So at the minute I do not want to do christmas at all and would much rather just stay at home with some films and sweets I know it may sound like a grinch but I know if I go anywhere I won't be happy so there is no point

As much as I love Christmas and Christmas sparkle, fuck me. I just passed Home Bargains with Christmas stuff in a window!
There should be law about it. Not until after Halloween.