To cancel christmas

[amms36]

This year has been absolutely awful. I am not convinced that it is going to improve over the next few months either.

I have tentatively told family members that I am cancelling Christmas this year. By this I mean I won't be putting up a tree, I won't be doing any 'festive' shopping, and I won't be doing anything special for Christmas Day.

Likewise, I don't expect any gifts, or anything related to Christmas.

DH thinks this is extreme and I am being unreasonable. My point is that I have never particularly loved Christmas, and feel this year especially it feels like more trouble than it will be worth. Who knows what restrictions will even be in place come December?

@Timekeeper2

I think Christmas is mainly for kids anyway, unless you are religious. If you don't have any kids, you can just ignore the day and consider it as just another day. So if Christmas really doesn't impact you and you have no kids, no YANBU to cancel Christmas - or basically just treat it as any other day.

Wow. So people that have suffered infertility shouldn’t bother with Christmas. I have always enjoyed Christmas, I didn’t know I shouldn’t bother with my own happiness.

It’s your decision to make. I agree it won’t be the same this year at all, however I work in the NHS and it’s going to be bad on the wards ( winter is hard anyway!)

So I’m going to enjoy my days off and Christmas however I can! It may be different but I’ll try my best! Have to have something positive to look forward to in some way. I haven’t read the full thread but please consider your family members too it’s not just about you if you have loved ones.

Just do something for the two of you. Get dh to organise it. I am guessing that if your incomes have fallen then maybe you have more time. Do cheap/ free things. Walk in the woods. Use Holly & ivy to decorate. Have best decorated gingerbread house/ person contest - send pictures to the children in the family to judge. This year is a great chance to get dh more involved in organising everything. It sounds as if you are fed up of the wifework. Maybe agree a division of labour - he does some of the drudge work which might make you more festive if someone else is taking the responsibility.

@Florencex agreed. We have no children ( by choice) for me it’s a time To see family, catch up with friends. My nephews and nieces are all grown up but I love Christmas. We go to see carols, exchange gifts ( not crazy) spend time together. I love decorating the house too. I don’t go crazy money wise but have a lovely time . I often work some of the main days so really appreciate them when off.

But everyone is entitled to spend it how they wise of course

@Florencex Oh for goodness sake! That's not what I meant. It IS a fact though that Christmas is more a big deal for the kids. That's a fact. Stop looking for things to be personally offended by.

I cannot get my head around why you are thinking about this now. It's September ffs. You still have more than 3 months to get through. Just chill.

If your DH wants Christmas - he can crack on and do it all, can't he?

I mean I won't be putting up a tree, I won't be doing any 'festive' shopping, and I won't be doing anything special for Christmas Day.

This has been my Christmas over the past 10 years. I like it that way. Go for it OP.

You’re reasons (other than finances) seem a bit odd.

If your husband wants a tree - as long as he does it I don’t see why you’d object.

To be fair for me, of all the celebrations of the year - Christmas Day is the one to be least affected by what’s happened this year - it’s a day where I sit indoors, eat a lot, and watch tv in the evening - so really quite a bit like lockdown.

Honestly? It sounds a bit drama llama and attention seeking to be already announcing to family you’re “cancelling” Xmas.

Looks like you’re trying to get a reaction to me. You’re even starting a thread on it on here. You could easily have said nothing and then just decided to have a quiet one together, which is basically what you’re doing, decide on the tree at the time

But you’re not, so this isn’t about Xmas, it’s about wanting attention for how you’re feeling right now.

I think you should do whatever you want to do. I can understand not buying gifts this year if you have lost income and you should let people know about that.
However, as your DH doesn't feel the same, I hope he is invited to spend Christmas with other family so that he gets some enjoyment from it while you wallow in your misery enjoy your time home alone.

If your DH wants to celebrate then you’re being unreasonable. It’s one thing if you live by yourself and won’t affect anyone else with the decision, but I don’t think it’s fair to push it onto someone else who doesn’t feel as you do.

Can you compromise with a scaled back Christmas - still make it a celebration, but fewer presents or a spending limit or something?

I agree you should make some changes if your income has fallen so much. Tell people you want to cut back on the gifts and explain why.
I think for all the other xmas activities you need to compromise with Dh. So perhaps put a tree up, but don't buy any new decorations., or plan a nice day.

A minimal celebration, especially limited spend on presents, seems reasonable. A celebration that is only on the day, no more, also (I am glad to return to work on the 27th or 28th). I don't think you should completely cancel any celebration of Christmas.

I have tentatively told family members that I am cancelling Christmas this year. By this I mean I won't be putting up a tree, I won't be doing any 'festive' shopping, and I won't be doing anything special for Christmas Day For many years we have done that. Sometimes we do get the tree out of the attic, sometimes we don't.

Sometimes we push the boat out, foodwise, sometimes we don't. It all depends on how we feel at the time.

We never do presents of cards, haven't done that since my nephew was a small child. We sometimes go to Waterstones and buy books in the New Year!

But we do always mark Christmas Day, even if it is going for a walk, coming back for hot chocolate and crumpets, having a music night or something else that suits the two of us.

So do what you feel comfortable with but maybe don't call it 'cancellng' Christmas, maybe simplifying it would be a better term for others to hear! That's what we have usualy said!

10 years we decided that Christmas was expensive and over whelming (we dropped from 2 wages to one). We told everyone that we're no longer doing presents. I only bought selection boxes for niece and nephews. It was the best thing we've ever done! No more spending on luxuries on others when we receive unwanted crap! It meant that we could afford to spend a little more on our children. No more forced visits to numerous households to exchange these gifts! Two years ago I also announced that we
would only have a quiet Christmas dinner and stopped having people over. As it was me, making and serving all day followed by giving lifts home! Whilst husband sat down drinking and chatting all day! I'm even thinking of making a curry this christmas. If you don't want the hassle just tell people, no presents and a quiet christmas dinner this year. Someone I worked with came up with a fantastic idea. Everyone in her family had to gift something that was physically made by them! There was fudge, chocolate, alcohol and knitted jumpers! Apparently it was a real success and it reduced costs!

I felt like this the year a close relative died. What was the point of forced happiness.
We had a back to basics Christmas and it was the nicest Christmas. We got up late, played silly games, ate nice food, spent time with loved ones and handmade all decorations and presents.

Our Christmas is basically a glorified Sunday dinner with some decorations around the house … We haven’t done presents for years, only for the children. We’ve had issues with both sets of grandparents over the past few years, so we keep everybody at arm’s-length! We lock the doors, and it’s just the four of us for the day. It’s actually really nice: the pressure is completely taken off, we save plenty of money by not giving (or receiving) gifts, and the kids can play with their new stuff.
If I were you, OP, I’d tell everyone that you are not doing gifts this year, and for them not to buy any, and then perhaps leave after thinking about it until nearer the day… If you don’t want to do with the whole food thing, maybe just decide between you on a nice meal? And then if your husband wants a tree or decorations, perhaps you can put them up together, just a few? A compromise! My parents told us a few years ago that they weren’t coming to us at Christmas anymore: They just basically said they want to watch the TV and be on their own… They don’t have a Christmas dinner, they eat what they would normally eat, and they don’t put decorations up any more. I bought them a plug-in fairy lights tree, but I’m not even sure they use it.

OP, don’t think it’s about Christmas, is it? It’s more about the fact you’re feeling depressed, with all that’s been going on, and who can blame you?
I went into town yesterday for a coffee and took the dog with me. I am a people watcher, I LOVE doing that. However, it breaks my heart to see everyone’s face covered. It’s like we live in a sci Fi movie :(. Still, in spite of the tremendous sadness I felt, people still stopped to say hello to the dog and chat to me and I came home with a couple more funny stories I heard from random people.

Look, it’s awful. But we are human, we are social animals. And we still have hope. There’s always a tiny sliver of something good, even in a heap of garbage.

I’m glad you opened up and posted. I, too, am with your husband. Cancelling everything is not really the solution.
Instead, think of it like this: income has dropped dramatically, we can’t afford frivolities. So home made peanut cookies it is this year. Or something along those lines, iyswim. Let the family know you’re struggling, and get together for a pot luck dinner.
Be kind to yourself, and give yourself time to adjust.

Is it your family and do you do all the work for it?

It’s up to you if you want a year out. But make sure it doesn’t make you feel worse. Is your Dh thinking more of you when he says it’s a bit extreme?

My wife died on 2nd July so this will be a tough Christmas but I will still create a special day of gratitude and reflection. The dog will still need his lovely long morning walk, the sun or rain will accompany us. It will still be Christmas day.

For me personally, having the lights down low and seeing the twinkling bright lights on the tree warm up the room around Christmas brings me so much pleasure. It creates a magical atmosphere and brings back some happy memories. But if Christmas association’s don’t make you feel happy then I guess it is a bit pointless. It seems such a shame though. And if it means something to your husband, I would make the effort for him.

I'd like to cancel too, Christmas was once a joyous time for our family until a major bereavement a few years ago and a sad family members illness. I have to do it though as I have an 8 year old dd who adores it !!

@joystir59 I hope the weather is perfect for your walk.

If my husband declared this I'd be heartbroken.

Taking Christmas away would only make 2020 even shitter.

But clearly it's very different for your family. We adore Christmas. It's the most wonderful time of the year.

Even if we were in lockdown again Christmas would still make us happy. The decorations. Songs. Movies. Games. Time together. Crafting. Eating. Gift giving.

I think Christmas this year is going to be one of the best.