To cancel christmas

[amms36]

This year has been absolutely awful. I am not convinced that it is going to improve over the next few months either.

I have tentatively told family members that I am cancelling Christmas this year. By this I mean I won't be putting up a tree, I won't be doing any 'festive' shopping, and I won't be doing anything special for Christmas Day.

Likewise, I don't expect any gifts, or anything related to Christmas.

DH thinks this is extreme and I am being unreasonable. My point is that I have never particularly loved Christmas, and feel this year especially it feels like more trouble than it will be worth. Who knows what restrictions will even be in place come December?

A very extreme reaction, a little unfair on your family. A horrible year shouldn't be ending in misery but should be something that boosts morale for the whole family. I know thing are tough right now but Christmas shouldn't be dictated by cost, it should be a time to celebrate having each other despite the struggles. How about having a normal meal where cooking responsibilities are shared by everyone and secret santa to save on costs? Why not put up the tree together and just enjoy family time?

I won’t be excited by it. People are expected to be happy at Christmas but this year is a whole other level. I will be putting my tree up and getting some bits for the kids, going to my mums for dinner as usual but none of us know how it will be then. You can still do something in your own way without cancelling altogether. Token gifts and a nice meal and rubbish films. Life is what you make it.

nice way to get attention on someone else’s post 👍🏻

I think that was you.

@Watcathel do you have you any idea of the offence or upset you could be causing? You don’t even know why OP doesn’t have kids. Get some tact.

I wasn’t actually questioning why she doesn’t have kids. I’m questioning why she is posting about cancelling Christmas for herself and her husband on this site?

😂 Yes. Using abbreviations (actually very common one) on chat forum on AIBU (ha) topic is such attention seeking.
Shame on me. Shame.

Anyway. I apologise, I am now detailing so I will stop

Surely the traumas of the year are all the more reason for doing Christmas? Have some fun with people you love.
We have agreed to make each other Christmas gifts this year. Some of us are very talented in crafts or cooking. Others are not. But the fun will come from the efforts made by all. No matter what the outcome. And by being together. Even if we have to sit outside in overcoats.

I wasn’t actually questioning why she doesn’t have kids. I’m questioning why she is posting about cancelling Christmas for herself and her husband on this site?

The point is that you think only parents have the right to ask this question because it’s a ‘parenting site’ when it’s apparent to anyone who has spent any time on AIBU that it’s used by many women, young/old, married/unmarried, with kids/without (and some men too).

Do you really not see that asking this question could be hurting OP?

Sorry Schrod I don’t think I’m suited to online forums. My dislike for abbreviations and going off subject matter have made me realise this......

@amms36

This year has been absolutely awful. I am not convinced that it is going to improve over the next few months either.

I have tentatively told family members that I am cancelling Christmas this year. By this I mean I won't be putting up a tree, I won't be doing any 'festive' shopping, and I won't be doing anything special for Christmas Day.

Likewise, I don't expect any gifts, or anything related to Christmas.

DH thinks this is extreme and I am being unreasonable. My point is that I have never particularly loved Christmas, and feel this year especially it feels like more trouble than it will be worth. Who knows what restrictions will even be in place come December?

My daughter’s Dad died on Christmas Day when she was 10. He had a cardiac arrest. She was alone with him. That was a pretty shit year. We never cancelled Christmas. I worked hard to make sure that Christmas wasn’t just the anniversary of her Dad’s death. The original Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas says “Next Year all our troubles will be miles away” This is my approach to Christmas.

People are expected to be happy at Christmas but this year is a whole other level.

Normal things I look forward to in the Christmas period which are unlikely to happen this year.

• A night out with my old friends, a long tradition, usually just before Christmas.
• Going out with work friends on 'Mad Friday' straight from work, i.e. not the office party which I don't particularly care for
• Christmas markets
• A good Christmas panto
• Christingle service in the local church
• Going to watch my local football team on Boxing Day or the game after
• A big family get together on Christmas Day

If we can self isolate in the couple of weeks before Christmas Day then the last one could happen

So you spend from now till November planning looking forward and the 1st Dec you can do it, as things go wrong.
Better to save money and make no plans till a little bit before the day, then move forward with what is possible, regarding meet ups.

Just tell your family you're having Christmas at home. You don't need to cook a big meal, get a takeaway. Don't put up decorations if you don't want to. But sitting wallowing in misery on the day is just pointless and self-indulgent.

Two years ago I point blank didn't give a sh*t about Christmas. We were down on money, had a 2yr old who wasn't very aware of much anyway and we were moving house. Hubby got a very small amount of inheritance that he was told to use for a holiday only and we took her to fuerterventura for Christmas week instead, built sandcastles on the beach and had pizza Christmas Day. It was the best time ever. We came home to zero Christmas decorations and rubbish to clear out. Now we celebrate Christmas as normal but we always plan a week or weekend away in December to get away from all the overbearing expectations of it all. We much prefer a new experience and 2-3 wanted presents each instead of the old fashioned tree filled to the brim with toys they don't really care about after 5 minutes x

It’s up to you. If you don’t celebrate it, you don’t celebrate it.

But YABVU if you have children to do this. And even if you don’t have DC, is it really that big a deal to put up a tree and wish your friends and family a merry Christmas?

If you’re still alive and in work after this year I’d say it’s a reason to be grateful and celebrate - wallowing in misery will only make you feel worse. It seems very extreme to me.

You don’t even need to cook a big meal or go to church nowadays if that’s not your thing.

Tell DH to cook and let family know you’re doing a low key day- but not acknowledge it altogether? Bizarre.

If you have no kids and it's you who will have to do all the work for Christmas (you say your DH won't be bothered to put the tree up/cook Christmas dinner), YANBU to cancel it. Just have your perfect day instead... Lie in, hot bath, new book, your favourite food.

We had our first Christmas at home last December since DS was born, just the three of us. It was bliss. Shop-bought pre-prepared everything in oven trays, nothing homemade - just got popped in the oven. Stayed in PJs till midday, had a 2 hour nap in the afternoon, was in bed by 10. Lovely Christmas dinner as toddler DS just played with his trains in the corner of the room rather than fussing and fidgeting in his high chair, which is what would have happened if we'd been visiting parents/in laws. Hoping we can get away with doing that again this year.

I get where you’re coming from OP but surely no one is looking forward to Xmas in September?

I often find Xmas stressful but that’s mainly due to difficult members of my family and non stop driving for one indigestible meal after another. When you work all year it really does feel like an unrelaxing and expensive holiday that no one really enjoys. I feel the best option for Xmas is to go on holiday although sadly that probably isn’t an option this year.

However, when the time comes you may feel differently and sad that ‘Xmas is cancelled’ as that will probably make the day feel even more s**t. It’s very difficult to back down from that kind of gesture once you’ve committed. I’m sure other people have suggested but why don’t you opt for a low key day instead. Last year I made my family do secret Santa so everyone only had to buy one gift and there was a price limit. I agree the gifting expectations are grotesque and I’m probably going to sound totally spoiled and ungrateful but often you end up with a load of old tat that you don’t want. Far better to have one nice thing that someone has really thought about rather than added to cart in a rush.

I hope you have a nice day whatever you end up doing as I think Xmas should be about being with loved ones but the pressure and commercialism really ruins it.

I think you're using Covid as an excuse to be a bit of a Grinch.
Christmas doesn't have to cost hundreds. Surely you don't replace all decorations every year?!
There's no obligation to host other people, and if your dh wants to then he needs to be the one who does the organising etc.
We never do the full on roast thing on Christmas Day - we just have 'party food', shoving trays in the oven when we feel hungry, sort of grazing throughout the day. It's much more relaxed. I tend to work Christmas Day now but we've been doing that for years. Plus if you've got freezer space you can spread the cost by adding a box or 2 of stuff to the weekly shop.

Having said all that, if you genuinely don't want to bother with Christmas at all, and not just because of Covid them of course you've every right not to celebrate. But you don't have the right to stop your dh celebrating if he wants to.

It doesn't always boil down to the cost of Christmas.

That is something you do willingly so spend away!

Christmas is a guilt trip and it is made out to be so by the ads and so on.

Can't get it myself. Will see family on Christmas morning for an hour or so and then we all go and have our day just the way we want.

My mum died a few weeks ago. My step father is dying.
I will still do a celebration of sorts because I have grandchildren. And my mum REALLY loved the decorations etc.
Will it be difficult, hell yes. But it will be harder not to tbh.
I think there is a compromise to be had OP.

You do you. So long as everyone in your house is on board, why do something you don’t enjoy?

I personally love Christmas so will probably be going overboard to distract myself from the fact that I will probably be seeing much less family

Your post screams me-me-me... Sod everyone else & their feelings!

I think you need to compromise a little if your DH still wants to celebrate christmas.
Many years ago, before I had kids, I had a miserable year and didn't want to have anything to do with Christmas. I stayed at home alone with a steak, bottles of wine and some horror films.
It made me feel ten times more miserable because I missed my family when I really didn't think I would.
This year has been a hundred times worse but our family is determined to make this the best Christmas yet. We've missed each other.
What you have in mind sounds perfectly nice, but keep an open mind.

I prefer new year to Christmas as I always look forward new beginnings. A few years back we had a dark Christmas which took our family down a path I would not able to travel again. That said we still went along with Christmas particulary for my GD sake. The only memory I have of the day is given to me in a picture of her opening presents. New year came and we faced up and moved on scared forever but stronger. I feel that after the shit year we have all had this year we should try and look forward and hope next year will bring new hope. So if you like Christmas then go for it shouting from the roof tops and if you prefer a quiet day then so be it. Don't let this bloody virus spoil your fun. Who knows by Christmas we could all be on lockdown again so I am getting my pressies in now and if I have to have virtual hugs on the day so be it.

I think you are not U to wish to avoid the fanfare and lots of hard work. To avoid arguments and hurt feelings from others, I would probably refer to it not as 'cancelling Christmas' but as 'having a quiet Christmas at home'. I would try to arrange some sort of compromise with your dh: exchange one or two gifts but don't bankrupt yourselves; listen to some carols or watch a bit of Christmas TV; but if he wants a big meal or elaborate decorations, he will have to do the main work himself; and if he does, try to show some gratitude; but don't let yourself get roped into doing lots of exhausting chores. I expect that big indoor get-togethers will still be discouraged at that time (and a garden party is not really going to be feasible in the UK in midwinter), so that many people will be scaling down the celebrations in any case.

Christmas to me is the tree, tv and a tin of celebrations. Even if there is a lockdown this can be managed. It is sad that people won't be able to visit but that means people will have to find their way back to 'we're all in this together'. Zoom calls, care packages, asking people if they need help.