To cancel christmas

[amms36]

This year has been absolutely awful. I am not convinced that it is going to improve over the next few months either.

I have tentatively told family members that I am cancelling Christmas this year. By this I mean I won't be putting up a tree, I won't be doing any 'festive' shopping, and I won't be doing anything special for Christmas Day.

Likewise, I don't expect any gifts, or anything related to Christmas.

DH thinks this is extreme and I am being unreasonable. My point is that I have never particularly loved Christmas, and feel this year especially it feels like more trouble than it will be worth. Who knows what restrictions will even be in place come December?

Instead of cancelling Christmas altogether, why don't you just make it a quiet one? A tree, Christmas dinner and gifts between you and DH? I understand your reasoning but as a PP mentioned above, it seems as though you are ending a miserable year with more misery.

Many years ago my mother had been extremely ill, in icu for 6 weeks on a ventilator, she had been in hospital for 3 months and when Christmas came she was still not well enough to come home. She was a widow and lived alone but asked me to put her Xmas tree up and and the lights on in her window. I asked if she was sure and she said that she had lived in that house for 50years and there had been a Xmas tree in that window every single year. To her it was a symbol of hope (she wasn’t overly religious). She came home at the end of January and lived happily for 5 more years.

Sorry could I just ask why this has been posted on mumsnet? I thought this was for parenting or pregnancy related discussions??

Oh Marmalizes how very sad, the LO's will need you.

I think it will be a quiet Christmas and that isn't a bad thing. Time to simplify and stop the huge expectations on people through commercialisation and SM.

We would usually have three or four generations staying from various parts of the UK. We certainly won't be risking it this year. Too unsafe. Can you imagine, granny seriously ill or worse with COVID transferred from a Dc at uni!

Good to decide now OP, less pressure and drama than leaving decisions until last minute. We're having the same discussions now so that family members can plan ahead without us.

Your DH is correct.
People will never forget or forgive such mean-spirited behaviour.

@Watcathel

Sorry could I just ask why this has been posted on mumsnet? I thought this was for parenting or pregnancy related discussions??

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Mate

Watcathe

If you look at the numerous topic headings on Mumsnet there are a wide range of subject matters discussed. Parenting and pregnancy matters has always been just one aspect of the the discussions on here.

It'll mean (assuming covid still going) no MIL overboiling sprouts.

:-D

@mumda

It'll mean (assuming covid still going) no MIL overboiling sprouts.

:-D

Silver linings😂

I dont think you are unreasonable. Christmas can be whatever you want it to be, that suits you. Why should it be forced merriment,expensive gifts etc? If you want a quiet day at home, just the 2 of you, then why not?! I have a child so do the whole commercial christmas but once she is grown then I will no longer be joining in with the excessive spending, forced parties with work colleagues I don't like and all the other side of christmas that I don't enjoy. I will spend it with my DH in a quiet way, just how we want it.

@Watcathel

Sorry could I just ask why this has been posted on mumsnet? I thought this was for parenting or pregnancy related discussions??

I think a pared back Xmas is the way to go.
A small tree, tell everyone your not having family over.
Maybe offer your husband a steak dinner for the day, and get a token gift each, max £20.
Tell them you want them to not have to worry about the money that they would have spent on your gift.
Say your doing this because your worried what might happen , and so your planning to be prepared.

I Understand that but it’s usually parents who are discussing these topics. OP has stated it’s just her and DH? I signed up to this when I had my first baby for advice, which is the whole point is it not?

Christmas isn’t actually about putting up a tree and buying presents. You could maybe have a special day with your hubby and have a quiet day and make each other a small gift and watch movies and play games.

We are not making plans for Christmas as not sure what rules will allow. So we are planning to just hang out and have a quiet one this year

Personally I'm so excited for Christmas. It's giving me something to look forward to, I love cosey days with blankets watching Christmas films or reading a book and listening to Christmas music.
I do understand the not wanting to do gifts etc, and that's completely reasonable. I also think if you aren't massive Christmas people then I don't see the harm in you not doing anything much festive.

I think that if you don’t have children then tbh it’s absolutely fine If you don’t want to do Christmas this year.

It’s different if you have small children, you don’t want to kill the magic for them. But if you and your DH don’t want to do Christmas, you don’t have to.

@Watcathel

I Understand that but it’s usually parents who are discussing these topics. OP has stated it’s just her and DH? I signed up to this when I had my first baby for advice, which is the whole point is it not?

There are many many many posters on MN who not only don’t have children, but have never wanted to have them.

There are many many many posters on MN whose children have left home, yet still we are here, joining in the discussions.

Is that ok with you?

I think may of us with children and older parents are in this position right now, so 100,% relevant.
I am not planning on do much more this year either.

That's bit of a different take on "why are non parents here" whinging...

Non parents are here because it is very diverse forum with various topics and sections... Obviously

Do you think you might be feeling a bit depressed? It would be understandable it’s been an awful time. X

Yes, that is fine with me, thanks for shedding some light, I was genuinely curious.

I actually don't think you're being unreasonable providing that you're not forcing anyone else to miss out on Christmas. If your partner wants to get festive, then you should support that, as in the same way that he should support your choices.

Christmas can have a massive knock on our mental health due to the sheer amount of pressure people are under during a time which is supposed to be joyful and special.

Christmas is important to me and my family but if its not to you, that's OK too.

I think YANBU. I'm very sorry at some of the posters' unkindness about OP. It's a difficult one to decide at this point how Christmas will pan out for each of us. I used to be very much aware of how hard this time of year is for people with difficulties I experienced DV as a child and as I grew up I rapidly began to notice that there were those in the population people who'd seen that, people with addictions, mental health problems etc -- for whom Xmas is a terribly lonely and sad time of year. It's the time for example when most people run away from relationships or divorce. But on the other hand since adulthood I've been of the camp that utterly adores Xmas with all its rituals and as a parent I've had an immense slew of activities to do with the kids like panto, winter wonderland, movie, crib service, midnight mass etc that are all going to be gone. So I can agree as a total Xmas junkie with OP that the loss of all this opportunity to junket and the huge loss of her income on top, it's going to be hard to cater to the needs of these demanding extended family.
But I'd say rather than do nothing and feel even worse, it's time to do something completely different that not only lifts your mood, but also gets rid of the demands from the relatives with an excuse that they are forced to be gracious about. For example, in my family we always have an immense house party just before Xmas with the entire pack of relatives, friends and neighbours round with mince pies etc. Now I can't do that I feel terrible. So as the kids are old enough now, my plan is to simply leave the country for a week and spend Xmas in a hotel somewhere abroad and quarantine be damned. But another thing I've toyed with, which does not cost a bean and could do so much good, could be to volunteer to do Xmas lunch for homeless people or other charitable work. Your post has concentrated my mind on this and so particularly have the replies, some of which have reminded me once again how terribly left out some people are when it comes to the festivities and of course how left out they have been due to Covid. I might look into this for the entire family and get my teens on board with it too. It would be a very special experience given the seismic shifts in consciousness about poverty that have happened in this country this year.
YANBU OP. Things have to change now and I wish you all the best with getting this unpleasant pressure off your back.

Sorry that was a bit too sarcastic, but surely you’ve noticed how diverse the subjects are in MN, and so much discussion isn’t based around children. There are diet threads, house moving threads, tv programme threads, politics etc.

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They should change this statement to “general chit chat” 👍🏻 😁