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AIBU?

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Original poster

To cancel christmas

409 replies

amms36 · 05/09/2020 00:46

This year has been absolutely awful. I am not convinced that it is going to improve over the next few months either.

I have tentatively told family members that I am cancelling Christmas this year. By this I mean I won't be putting up a tree, I won't be doing any 'festive' shopping, and I won't be doing anything special for Christmas Day.

Likewise, I don't expect any gifts, or anything related to Christmas.

DH thinks this is extreme and I am being unreasonable. My point is that I have never particularly loved Christmas, and feel this year especially it feels like more trouble than it will be worth. Who knows what restrictions will even be in place come December?

OP posts:
DalzielandPaxo · 06/09/2020 23:50

Blurgh. I’m glad I don’t live in your house. Your house of misery.

smilingontheinside · 07/09/2020 00:11

My grandmother died on Christmas day and my mother still did Christmas for us kids & rest of family. I can remember the day 50+ years on it wasn't sad we toasted her at lunchtime and made the most of the day. My parents got things sorted quietly and without fuss and carried on as normal which is what we should all do as much as possible. Glad my mum didn't have your attitude 😕

TheLittleDogLaughed · 07/09/2020 05:42

Honestly, if you don’t have kids and your dh isn’t fussed then I think I wouldn’t say ‘cancelling Christmas’ but just tell people you can’t afford it and you want a quiet time at home. I’m sure you could buy something small or make something for the kids in your family and send it? As others have said, compromise is the answer.

I have a tiny family and one teenage dd. I didn’t bother with a tree last Christmas and neither dh nor dd even noticed! We had leftover curry for Christmas lunch (our favourite) and dd and I rearranged her room completely on impulse. Just do what fits? There seems little point in making a miserable situation even more miserable.

PopsicleHustler · 07/09/2020 06:09

We dont celebrate Christmas as we are muslims. But we do have an Islamic holiday called Eid which is twice a year and similar to Christmas. we give gifts and have good food and enjoy the family time. We had two over the summer, one to mark the end of the fasting month and another for a religious festival just in July.
It's been a crap year for everyone but doesnt mean I would go ahead and cancel Eid, knowing how much my children and my husband were looking forward to it. Plus it's a big part of our faith . And I know Christmas is a big deal to a lot of people.

tootiredtospeak · 07/09/2020 06:30

So suprised everyone is in the main unsettled that you dont want to do christmas. Honestly who cares it will still be christmas whether you do it or not. If you said you werent celebrating Easter it would be a non event. Do whatever makes you happy just make sure your DH can do the same. So if he does put up a tree buy you a present or make a dinner dont be flouncy or mardy about it because that would be selfish.

HeronLanyon · 07/09/2020 06:42

Well all have different ways of dealing with Xmas this year. It does feel as though it needs to be ‘dealt with’ !

Personally I am clinging onto it a bit in my mind as something to ‘look forward’ to - whether it’s grim or not at least it is a marker Involving food and loved ones (in that order ?!) joy and celebration in my near future.

Almost all other markers have disappeared and I’m damned if I will choose to cancel this for myself.

Not big on Christmas ever but I am making sure I have something planned which will survive lockdown etc if it happens. Even if it is watching uplifting stuff / thinking about all the wonderful family gatherings of the past / zooming with people etc. That’s good.

Recently lost both my parents and I kind of feel honoured blind not to just ‘give up’ stuff like this so maybe I’m in a particular headspace this year.

Good luck op and your dh. whatever you end up doing / not doing.

HeronLanyon · 07/09/2020 06:43

‘Honour bound’ not ‘honoured blind’ - Apols eyes a bit watery for some reason - onions ? Grin

lubeybooby · 07/09/2020 07:27

I get it op that feeling, but I do feel cancelling it would be like... being actually determined to have a shite time. Kind of martyr ish and... a little dramatic.

Dontknowanymore2 · 07/09/2020 08:08

You should really do what you want to do. What is Christmas now anyway? A lot of over eating and over spending. When my daughter was young that was different. If I had my way I would go away for a few days and come back when it's all over. Lots of people don't put trees up, you could have a few fairy lights though. Just something small and a lunch.

WeeMadArthur · 07/09/2020 08:38

I think that if you aren’t feeling like celebrating Christmas then you don’t have to, as long as anyone else in the house is allowed to do any celebrations they want. But they can’t huff and puff because they want you to do all the graft and prep that they aren’t prepared to do. If they want Christmas let them put up the tree, buy the presents, buy all the food and cook it themselves.

MrsBizzyBody · 07/09/2020 09:10

I appreciate you have had a tough year not many have escaped the touch of Covid, lockdown and cutbacks.

Why are you deciding now?

Who are you hurting by making this decision?

As my Nan would say you are borrowing trouble. You don’t need to decide till much later. You are making it into a big drama. By the sounds of it you don’t go big on Christmas anyway. Can’t you compromise and tell your husband you aren’t up for a big one this year maybe we’ll just keep it low key. How about put of deciding till mid November.

I could understand if you didn’t want to be going to people houses especially at Christmas when there will probably be another flare up and I am sure people will understand.

It sounds like though it may have been tricky you need to focus on what you do have. You may have had a pay cut but this preferable to losing a job.

During all this covid stuff we have not been asked to make that many compromises it’s not like you are being bombed, you haven’t been drafted into the forces and there are food shortages. We have been asked to stay home in relative comfort with food and running water and if you are lucky a pay cut many have lost their jobs. You also seem to have an understanding husband.

So my advice to you is take a moment to experience your hissy fit then put on your big girl pants and look around at the world then write yourself a list of 10 things you are grateful for.

learningallthetime1 · 07/09/2020 09:49

I can understand why you feel the way you do but personally I think the year would be even more miserable without Christmas. Can you not compromise and do a scaled down one. Put up your decorations, no extra cost involved if you use what you have. Tell others you are not doing gifts this year. We only did gifts for kids in family last year and just did a token gift for adults. However you could stop gifts totally for others and only buy for your kids. Doesn’t have to be expensive gifts just some things for them to open. I have started getting a few bits for my kids. If your DH felt the same then ok but as he wants to celebrate you should compromise

Cadent · 07/09/2020 13:06

@tootiredtospeak

So suprised everyone is in the main unsettled that you dont want to do christmas. Honestly who cares it will still be christmas whether you do it or not. If you said you werent celebrating Easter it would be a non event. Do whatever makes you happy just make sure your DH can do the same. So if he does put up a tree buy you a present or make a dinner dont be flouncy or mardy about it because that would be selfish.
I suspect because they don't want to acknowledge how much wife work/mental load they carry for Christmas and resent OP...
Indya · 07/09/2020 13:09

We buried my mum on Christmas Eve after a short shocking illness ( she was only 58) We still did Christmas with her overseas family who were coming for Christmas anyway and ended up coming for a funeral. Also, my brother arrived with his new wife from Japan be met at the airport by my uncle telling him his mother had died. It was awful but we still did Christmas in her memory as she would have wanted that and we were all together.
Just have a nice day the two of you and be kind to relatives. You never know what is round the corner.

MyWitzEnd · 07/09/2020 13:20

Dont be so miserable.

userxx · 07/09/2020 13:26

Dont be so miserable.

Why it is miserable ? I cancelled it last year and spent 10 days in the canaries, pure bliss.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 07/09/2020 14:44

Why it is miserable ? I cancelled it last year and spent 10 days in the canaries, pure bliss.

That sounds amazing and I would love to go away but it's a bit different from not bothering to do anything. If I didn't want the hassle I'd give DH the option of sorting it out rather than cancelling.

HandfulofDust · 07/09/2020 14:51

Let DH sort the christmas tree and do the shopping and cooking. It would obviously be mean to unilterally decide no one in your house can celebrate.

Lovemusic33 · 07/09/2020 15:05

I would happily go in holiday instead.

I don’t think it’s being miserable as such but you could use the money you save to do a family activity or a holiday?

I get a bit fed up with all the tackiness of Christmas, mainly all the plastic tat in the shops and the fact Christmas is no longer just a day, it seems to drag in for a whole month. The amount of rubbish/waste it causes makes me quite upset. Christmas is much different than it was many years ago, it seems to be more about things rather than spending time with loved ones and singing Christmas carols. I would rather have a low key Christmas and for it to be about spending time together rather than spending money on presents people don’t need/want.

userxx · 07/09/2020 15:27

Christmas is no longer just a day, it seems to drag in for a whole month. The amount of rubbish/waste it causes makes me quite upset.

This 100%. Its just too much, I hate going into shops and seing Xmas tat out in mid-october, I feel like its being forced upon me. I'll worry about Xmas two weeks before, until then I dont give a shit.

Lovemusic33 · 07/09/2020 15:33

I’m already seeing people on Facebook posting photos of the Christmas tat in the shops, it’s September FFS, I’m still in summer mode 🤣

I loved Christmas as a kid and my greatest memories are not of presents but of visiting family members that I hadn’t seen all year and having a Christmas Eve feast as my nans house with my mums side of the family. We didn’t put our tree up until school had broken up, Christmas only really lasted 3 or 4 days.

Holothane · 07/09/2020 15:35

No way am I cancelling Christmas we have a very quiet one but I love our little tree the nativity set, we have steak Christmas Eve, dinner we just nibbles last year.

userxx · 07/09/2020 15:36

Noooo!!!!! I don't understand the obsession with it! I'm waiting for an indian summer, not even thinking about the C word :)

FrankskinnerscRoc · 07/09/2020 15:37

YANBU. I cannot believe so many people still do this ridiculous nonsense. I've not done it for years, & prefer to leave the country for a few weeks.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 07/09/2020 15:58

Every year I roll my eyes at "i would love to not do it so stressful, all the tat and money spend on nothing" not because I would think "ugh Grinch". Not at all. It's because every year people moan about it all and then still bloody do it all and moan bit more.
Just don't do it all🤷🏻
Don't spend all day travelling, don't max out credit cards, don't spend 4 days cooking for 1 meal. Just chill. Eat what you like, relax and buy only few presents, if any. Tadaa, simple. It genuinely is possible to have relaxing Christmas time🍸

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