To be sick of people assuming the PTA is full of a certain type of parent/social climbers etc

[PartyCat]

I am a single working parent with a very busy, stressful life, not your typical tiger-mom by any stretch. I am sick of the number of times I have read people on here saying something about the PTA type mums - I only did it because it is basic social responsibility and we need to raise money for our schools as they are on their knees, and no-one else would bloody well step up. There were only a handful of us (at best) who did all the heavy lifting, the rest would just turn up and everything already be organised, as if by the magic PTA pixies! I am sick of hearing about whatsapp groups about people complaining about something we did or arranged, or how it was handled. Then step the fuck up yourself and do it as it was the last thing I wanted or needed to do, and was extremely stressful. I know some schools may fit the stereotype that everyone seems to think about PTAs, but not ours. Even if the women (let's face it, it is usually women, not sure why men think they have nothing to do with their kids education) in your school do fulfil the stereotype you have, at least they are actually doing something to help their kids and YOURS. Stop carping from the sidelines and get off your arse and help out too. Or at the very least, please stop making massive assumptions about the types of people in them. Cheers!

YANBU.

I have been in so many of these types of organisation over the years and have never come across that "certain type". Just mums and dads who want to get stuck in and help out. The year I was Chair, everyone worked too.

And yes to the constant bitching and complaining from the vocal parents who wouldn't dream of helping out themselves. "Why is there no disco this year? My little Amelia was SO looking forward to it!" Because no fucker would step forward to organise it, no fucker would give up their friday evening to staff the fucking thing, and no fucker would stay behind afterwards to clean up. That's why.

I know op we found that too the same few parents. Bad form as over 700 students in the school. I helped where I could. We did find that people quick to bitch but not volunteer themselves. Unreal.

Previous team were fab, current team all very 'yummy' variety and don't like to have any suggestions given to them of ideas of things, or offers of help so guess what I have stopped doing so and unfriended the chair on Facebook!

And no fucker would volunteer to spend 5 hours counting out a billion coins after each event, when everyone has gone home, job done, then have to bag it and bring it to the bank, (if you can find an actual bank with a branch open in your town, during working hours when you work yourself) , then the cashier announces you have mis-counted by a couple of pence, and you leave in tears as too exhausted to recount it at the wee table in the bank and have forgotten your glasses, and have to drag it all home again to count and sort again - in tears - 2 fucking days before Christmas, when I obv have nothing else to do. All that sht needs done but people think you just click your fingers and a disco is organised etc., and that the work is over after the last song has been played. Oh, it's all pouring out now. Thanks sockyarn at least I am not alone.

Meh, I tried a few times to help out when dd was very little, went to meetings etc, but it was unbearably cliquey, weirdly competitive and bitchy, and terribly disorganised, so I gave up. Ultimately, I became a school governor instead, which I found was a much better way of contributing to the school, and the governing board were a much nicer and more capable bunch of people, and actually far more committed to the school.

I'm sure that not all school PTAs are like the one at our school, but based on my experience, I'm afraid I can't help but feel that there is some truth in the stereotype. Sorry!

@ PartyCat I’ve been there, worked at it for two years desperate to get more parents to help. In the end I resigned as I couldn’t cope with the criticism and the only other regular member - a dad also resigned. Took nearly a year for a new committee to get set up, three months later I got a message from the new chairman asking if I had any suggestions for dealing with other parents constant criticism.

AlexaShutup - yes yours sounds like the stereo-type. Ours was the complete opposite. Down-trodden exhausted parents just trying to do something, and teachers took no interest - so just really 3 or 4 people juggling everything. I v happily would not have done it as all, but the headmistress really needed the money and depended on it, just to keep things hanging together, and buy the basics, like pens and pencils.

The thing is, our school PTA frequently complained about how few parents volunteered, but made absolutely no effort to be welcoming or inclusive if someone new showed up. They also failed repeatedly to respond to emails offering help, so I came to the conclusion that they actually didn't want any help, and actually rather enjoyed their martyr status as the only ones who could be arsed to support the school.

Thanks Coffeeonthesofa

YANBU.
I did 6 years on the pta. My children never got the main part in a play. They never won first prize in a raffle. I never got saved a front row seat for a play, or any of the other things that pta mums and dc apparently get.
And I may have lost it a bit when trying to get volunteers for the summer fayre in my last year as a member and snapped at a few parents.

YANBU

The stereotype probably exists for a reason but both our current and former cohort of PTA are decent people, a mix of working/ non working parents and are just wanting to do something of benefit to the school, socially and financially.

I'm not an organiser, but I have supported both cohorts with the events.

DS started at a new school in January, and the involved parents seem lovely, community-minded, hippy types.

Alexashutup - we begged people for help, did P1 Parent welcomes to try to drag parents in etc. Did shout-outs on Facebook for people etc. But they wouldn't even give it a try. We were the complete opposite of cliquey and intimidating, and I would have very happily lived without the martyr status.

I think the other aspect of our school's PTA that I learned about as a governor is that the PTA sometimes overestimates the importance of the funds that it raises. Yes, schools are strapped for cash and every little helps, but in most cases, the PTA funds are just a drop in the ocean. It's therefore difficult when the PTA expect teachers - who are already incredibly stretched - to start falling over themselves to help. Our previous PTA chair also seemed to engage in some kind of weird power play over how the money that they had raised should be spent - surely if they really want to help the school, let the head teacher decide how to use the money!

Our current chair is much better and more collaborative. She is still quite new in her role, so perhaps she will be able to move things on and create a more inclusive approach.

I tried when my eldest started school but I didn’t fit their idea of acceptable (tattooed, bright colour hair, student, didn’t drink wine/gin) so was quickly excluded from meetings but expected to turn up and do the donkey work. They fulfilled every stereotype you see having the piss taken out of them and it was really awkward. Good luck to those who fit in - I was more in line with the bad mums who all gave up trying when the atmosphere was so unwelcoming.

It's maybe a bit different in Scotland but PTA funds here paid for the things which the school budget didn't stretch to. we funded new iPads, playground equipment, a sound system for the stage, a parallel reading scheme, workshops for everything from opera to planetariums, pantomimes. Christmas parties.

Parents spoke very favourably about how much we had to offer at our primary compared with other local schools. But still trying to get people to step up - and usually we were asking for slots of ONE HOUR at events - was like pulling teeth. It was almost as if people just didn't see the connection between the stuff school provided, and the events running successfully.

In response to complaints that meetings were always the same time on a tuesday evening we switched the day around, tried morning meetings instead, met at the local pub, booked the community room at the supermarket, we even offered the possibility of dialling into meetings using conference calling. Still the same old faces every meeting.

We were the complete opposite of cliquey and intimidating, and I would have very happily lived without the martyr status

Fair enough, I'm sure that there are really goog PTAs out there, and I hope that they are valued by the school. I can only talk about my own experience, which was disappointing. Ironically, I had no idea about the stereotypes before I tried to get involved, but I quickly learnt that if I wanted to support the school, I'd have to find another way of doing it. I guess it just depends on the particular group of people who are involved at any one time.

Alexashutup - our headmistress would give us a list of the things that she needed us to raise money to buy. We did not have an over-inflated sense of anything, were just trying to help. If someone had told me we were not needed I would have popped a champagne bottle there and then! And we know just a drop in the ocean compared to what they really needed, but at least something. Anyway, am out of it now, and it has put me off even volunteering for a committee ever again, which is pretty sad too. Hopefully your new approach chair will move things forward in a better way :-)

Ours do an amazing job generally but the one from our school year who represents "us" at fetes etc always asks for ideas but then always goes with her own 😆

Hey, stinkywizzletweets - we would have loved you in our PTA! :-) I am a 'bad' mum too!

YANBU. I didn’t see bitchy cliquey I saw really decent parents giving up their time to do frankly shit work to raise much needed funds and so kids could have some nice events.

Not sure some people realise the dire state of the finances of some primaries it’s really really bad.

I guess it just depends on the particular group of people who are involved at any one time

I Agree, I certainly don’t recognise the PTA i was in for a few years or my friends that continued with the PTA in many MN threads

I didnt like the head of the PTA...but she wasn’t a yummy mummy queen bee type, she was just horrible 😀

Yanbu except for saying that men never get involved. At DD's Primary PTA several dads had significant positions in the PTA as well as mums.