To be sick of people assuming the PTA is full of a certain type of parent/social climbers etc

[PartyCat]

I am a single working parent with a very busy, stressful life, not your typical tiger-mom by any stretch. I am sick of the number of times I have read people on here saying something about the PTA type mums - I only did it because it is basic social responsibility and we need to raise money for our schools as they are on their knees, and no-one else would bloody well step up. There were only a handful of us (at best) who did all the heavy lifting, the rest would just turn up and everything already be organised, as if by the magic PTA pixies! I am sick of hearing about whatsapp groups about people complaining about something we did or arranged, or how it was handled. Then step the fuck up yourself and do it as it was the last thing I wanted or needed to do, and was extremely stressful. I know some schools may fit the stereotype that everyone seems to think about PTAs, but not ours. Even if the women (let's face it, it is usually women, not sure why men think they have nothing to do with their kids education) in your school do fulfil the stereotype you have, at least they are actually doing something to help their kids and YOURS. Stop carping from the sidelines and get off your arse and help out too. Or at the very least, please stop making massive assumptions about the types of people in them. Cheers!

Oh the irony of those complaining their pta isn’t welcoming, doing things the way they want. You could make a big difference by joining and being the welcoming person, helping change things to be more the way you think it should be. You can change it from the inside and make it better.

When I blundered into the PTA as a new parent and ended up chair I was told in order to be more “inclusive” I had to circulate the playground and introduce myself. Errr no thanks!

Oh the irony of those complaining their pta isn’t welcoming, doing things the way they want. You could make a big difference by joining and being the welcoming person, helping change things to be more the way you think it should be. You can change it from the inside and make it better.

To some extent, I agree with this, but on the other hand, I didn't feel it was really worth the effort. I concluded that I was able to contribute far more to the school in other ways. Sometimes, life is just too short to hang out with a bunch of people who you really don't like or respect.

All the PTA mums are trying to help the school a bit aren’t that bothered about friendships.

There is a group of people who are downright paranoid and think there’s a conspiracy against them because no one sent them a personal invitation to bake a cake for the science lab fundraiser and one mother only said ‘hi’ to them but said ‘hi, how was the summer’ to someone else, which makes them think there must be a secret WhatsApp group where they share code and ‘hi how was the summer’ means ‘i hate the last person I last said hi to’ and then they wonder why no one approaches their tin foil hatted scowling face.

"but imo it was for the kids to have fun stuff arranged too"

Why though? Was there some doubt that they dont get fun stuff to do outside of school? Were they lacking fun in their lives?

You sound very bitter about it all.

I'm on our (secondary) PTA and IMO the PTA isn't just about raising funds but helping create links between the parents, school and local community. That said a few years ago the then PTA managed to raise more than £80k for the school which was amazing and not just a token.

I do it because I think it is a 'good thing' and believe it helps. Pretty sure the rest of the committee aren't cliquey and are similarly motivated. YANBU

Franklyfrost

@ftm202020

Why the Biscuit? She's right!

My kids older now but alot good points new library books etc raised from the PA work. Nice group on ours she was organised and all opinions were listened to.

I"'m on our (secondary) PTA and IMO the PTA isn't just about raising funds but helping create links between the parents, school and local community"

But parents dont need links to school. If we have an issue with school, we contact them. The last people I'd be asking for help, is the PTA?!

I feel nothing but sheer relief that this year the pandemic has meant no summer fete, no fucking Halloween disco or Bonfire night, no Christmas events, no guilt at not being welcoming or inclusive enough to the new Reception parents, none of that fucking shit. I am burnt out by the ‘I’m happy to help if you organise it all, tell us what to do, sort out the legal stuff, file the reports and listen to us whinge about what you did wrong or could do better if only you weren’t so selfish as to have a job and a family and exactly as little free time as the rest of us and only one set of hands.’ Fuck it. Done it for years, can’t be arsed now. Sitting back with the rest of the parents who don’t want to contribute. Yes, it’s a shame for the kids who’ll lose out on the events - I think they’re hell on wheels, personally, but the little bastards really do seem delighted to dress up and eat junk at a disco, tip water on the teachers in the stocks and get a visit from Father Christmas. But eh - it’s only school, isn’t it? Why should it be fun? Why should we as parents fund a bit of cash to strapped schools to subsidise school trips or swimming transport or music enrichment? After all, education should be free. The government should fund it more etc etc.

Stick a fork in me I am done.

I'm on the PTA, I work part time and have run events, I wouldn't say I was close friends with anyone on the committee tbh.
I'm just the kind of person who likes to get stuck in and help out. I like that my school has discos, inflatable days, christmas entertainers, Easter eggs for each child, and understand that without people doing the work those things won't happen. My kids would miss out!

And on the flip side I like that our school has interactive whiteboards, chromebooks for each class, online subscriptions so all children can access TT rockstars and spelling shed, new library books, an outdoor classroom, musical instruments, new library books. All things paid for by our PTA. We raise about 20k a year on average. That's alot of money for things the school needs!!

There are studies showing that parents' active involvement within a school (i.e. helping out at events, being part of PTA/committees etc) helps improve the educational outcome of their children. You can google them. I suppose it makes the child feel more connected and positive towards the school, as they can see their parent as a part of the overall school community, or something. Not sure the precise reason.

Ours was awful, I went along to a few meetings but one woman just took over completely and pushed everyone else out, refused to take any other ideas on board and wanted everything done her way so I stopped going to the meetings and just did loads of baking etc for events to help the school in that way.

NoSquirrels - I think I love you!

"There are studies showing that parents' active involvement within a school (i.e. helping out at events, being part of PTA/committees etc) helps improve the educational outcome of their children. You can google them. I suppose it makes the child feel more connected and positive towards the school, as they can see their parent as a part of the overall school community, or something. Not sure the precise reason."

I think I'd rather spend my time helping my child with homework or additional work at home. I should imagine that gives your child a better outcome than being stressed and annoyed by arranging stuff noone really wants to go to.

I agree that it really depends on the PTA and the school.

When I was chair, our big push was to encourage parents to contribute as little or as much as they could and to be suitably grateful every time they did. It really paid off as while the core committee is still small there are a various parents who have taken responsibility for x or y activity, often using their own school network to get help etc. And inevitably that then breaks down barriers because someone who helps out because her friend asked her for the easter egg hunt is then more likely to step up to man a stall at the summer fair.

There IS a clique at our school but they've actually established their own fund raising event and while the rest of us roll our eyes at the fact that they don't allow any others into it, we overall take the approach that they raise good money and are unlikely to have got involved otherwise and we just get on with the rest of it.

Sadly, I do think the PTA need to make themselves visible. It's hard. Every two years or so we take a table in the playground, hand out some newsletters and tell people what we're doing, emphasising that any help - even just 20 minutes to help with a cake stall - would be great. It's torture but quite effective. Current PTA chair has been brilliant about standing up and speaking at events for new and prospective parents. She's always terrified but she does a great job telling people about what's going on.

I teach Reception and I make it clear during the welcome visits that all parents are automatically members of the PTA as they are parents. We do not expect every parent to be active and completely understand that most parents have many other commitments and jobs but I make it clear they are members. I also invite the Chair of the PTA in to greet the new parents.
The PTA absolutely depends on the cohort of children and parents at the school at that time and the dynamics change frequently as the parents do. It is an utterly thankless task and I don't blame parents for being thoroughly fed up when all they get is moaning and complaining from inactive parents. I do think where you are being unreasonable though is where you said the teachers were uninterested. With respect, they are not our children. We already spend hundreds of pounds of our own money buying supplies for our classes. Plus, many of us are active PTA members at our own children's schools. We can't do it all.
It does get tiresome, as a parent, to be constantly asked to send in money or items or pull together a fancy dress outfit, etc, it can appear never ending at times. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just ask parents for a voluntary £50 contribution at the start of the year and be done with it all! Although I know many people wouldn't or couldn't do it and some enjoy the fetes and cake sales, etc, but it really is just spending money on cakes to bring in then spending more on buying the cakes back again.
The government really are a disgrace in their chronic underfunding of our schools.

With respect, they are not our children. We already spend hundreds of pounds of our own money buying supplies for our classes.

One of the things I love about our PTA is that at some point, the chair before me worked out this was happening and we now offer the teachers an annual opportunity to spend money for their classroom. It's not massive but I think they get about £100 per classroom and they can choose from a catalogue for things like stickers, games or whatever it is that teacher uses for the kids. I know DS really benefited the year his teacher chose a whole lot of boardgames. I suspect DD's current teacher is the type who'll be investing in sparkly pens and stickers and I have no doubt DD will love it!

Sometimes I think it would be easier to just ask parents for a voluntary £50 contribution at the start of the year and be done with it all!

Our senior school asked for a monthly £2 donation to the pta...per child

Which we diligently paid

Only to find out once all 3 of ours were through the school that only about 10 parents were paying it 😀

@RufustheSniggeringReindeer

Sometimes I think it would be easier to just ask parents for a voluntary £50 contribution at the start of the year and be done with it all!

Our senior school asked for a monthly £2 donation to the pta...per child

Which we diligently paid

Only to find out once all 3 of ours were through the school that only about 10 parents were paying it 😀

Yup. We had loads of parents ask for this as an option rather than having to help/attend stuff. So we sent round details etc. I think we raised a grand total of £45.

I feel your pain. I was Chair of the PTA for years and it was bloody hard work and all your points resonate with me.

I will never forget a meeting with the then Head who was telling me quite seriously that the staff couldn't help at a disco because they had kids at home!!

I just looked at him and said we all have kids at home of varying ages that we have to have looked after whilst we are here, we don't have monkeys that we can lock in cages and pop down here. He had the good grace to look ashamed.

A bonkers duo ran the PTA at my DCs school with an iron fist. They were the real stereotype - obviously too much time on their hands and power hungry control freaks. I gave it a massive swerve.

I’m sure not all PTAs are like that

Something I'm noticing with all these threads about cliquey and exclusive PTAs and WhatsApp groups is how many of these OPs openly admit that they're not very sociable and don't like talking to people. Sometimes they talk about it as if it's a badge of honour that somehow puts them above people with social skills. You'd think they'd have made the connection.