To be sick of people assuming the PTA is full of a certain type of parent/social climbers etc

[PartyCat]

I am a single working parent with a very busy, stressful life, not your typical tiger-mom by any stretch. I am sick of the number of times I have read people on here saying something about the PTA type mums - I only did it because it is basic social responsibility and we need to raise money for our schools as they are on their knees, and no-one else would bloody well step up. There were only a handful of us (at best) who did all the heavy lifting, the rest would just turn up and everything already be organised, as if by the magic PTA pixies! I am sick of hearing about whatsapp groups about people complaining about something we did or arranged, or how it was handled. Then step the fuck up yourself and do it as it was the last thing I wanted or needed to do, and was extremely stressful. I know some schools may fit the stereotype that everyone seems to think about PTAs, but not ours. Even if the women (let's face it, it is usually women, not sure why men think they have nothing to do with their kids education) in your school do fulfil the stereotype you have, at least they are actually doing something to help their kids and YOURS. Stop carping from the sidelines and get off your arse and help out too. Or at the very least, please stop making massive assumptions about the types of people in them. Cheers!

@AlexaShutUp that has been exactly my experience too.

There was no PTA at my son's previous school and I didn't notice the lack of it, tbh. I was a governor there for a while and did ask whether they had ever considered getting a PTA going, mostly because all the events a PTA might organise were being organised by school staff who were obviously already very busy, and was told in their experience it caused more trouble than it was worth!

That said, the PTA at my youngest's current primary are very decent. PTAs and their members must vary as much as anything else, so assuming they are only ever going to be certain type of person would be daft.

I really enjoyed being part of the PTA when my DC were at primary school. I'm a single Mum and it was a great way of making friends. Our school was pretty down to earth though, and I don't recognise the 'cliques' or some of the snobbery discussed on here. It was hard work, but fun and we made a decent amount of money for the school.I'm still close friends with a few of the Mums now, and my DC are now in their 20's.

Ours is really good - nice mix of parents & teachers, friendly, enthusiastic and we're all welcome to pitch ideas. I'm looking forward to when I can get back to it.

Also, people prob don't realise, as it is a group raising money, they now have to be registered charities - so there is a sht load of legal Charity Commision paper work, official accounts records and verification etc - so all that legal crp on top of the actual arranging of events/politics etc. It's not just turning up with a wee Hippo money box sitting at a desk and selling Top Hat buns.

Thanks everyone for your comments - sorry it all just exploded out after reading another PTA clique reference on here - please excuse all the effs!

Our schools don't have a PTA but I would say if you're feeling like this about it just give it up. You don't have to do it

"only did it because it is basic social responsibility and we need to raise money for our schools as they are on their knees"

Pta money cant go towards the stuff schools need money for. Ours was just spent on tablets for the kids and stuff like playground markings. So not really a social responsibility? Just a nice to have surely.

Yes I have given it up, I only stayed long enough to feel I had done my bit. But if everyone else throws in the towel then the kids will go without, and there certainly would be no fun events arranged (although obv not now with Corona anyway). Well, maybe that's the way the world is going, everyone just look after themselves. Pretty sad imo.

Doubledolphin - we were told our money was being used for those things, but maybe that is not correct, or things were juggled around. Anyway, money-aside, we arranged all the Christmas/Halloween discos, Santa visits, fun events etc. I think it would be the end of those things if not arranged by the PTA, teachers have enough on their plates already.

At the end of my first Halloween disco there was so few of us cleaning up I was a bit raging, thinking never again. As we brought the last bin bags round and did the final sweep of the floors, I looked at the two other tired women that had been there to set up and were still there after everyone else had left and realised if I didn't help again it would be just those two. I've done every disco, movie night and fiesta ever since, sometimes dragging myself along on a Friday straight from work. I made some friends and raised a whole load of money that paid for new playground equipment that the children love.

I've done the counting the coppers, lugging kilos of change on the bus to work to use my lunch break to bank it as that is only way I'm going to get it to a branch during opening hours. I have cried trying to do the accounts. I have no accountancy experience whatsoever but no one else did either.

All bar one of the usual suspects on the PTA worked, we made every effort to welcome new people, down to alternating evening meetings with straight after school, childcare provided free of charge. I don't recognise the stereotypes I see here.

We don't have a PTA but it is up to the parents to organise school discos and summer and Christmas fairs. It was of course the same group of people who did all this. I lead the discos - the kids picked a theme, we got a budget and made most of the decorations in a series of workshops. We cooked the food and worked at the disco - set it all up, ran it, cleaned up afterwards. Others did the summer and christmas fairs, the latter being particularly hard work as you also had to organise and liaise with outside stallholders as well as kid's stalls. And yep I'd hear other parents moaning about stuff - we didn't have any vegetables at the disco (tried that once ended up chucking most of it), they didn't like the theme, why did we have to do it on X day, why was the fair so crowded! But they never helped. Some even took it as a badge of honour that they never got roped in to volunteer for anything. But should we not hold a disco they were the first to shout about it.

Tbh, OP, kids will go without whether the PTA raises money or not. There are much deeper problems with school funding than the PTA can fix. For example, we can no longer afford the level of LSA support that we need, so children are not getting enough help in class.

You'd be better off spending your time campaigning for better funding from the government tbh. That's what schools really need.

To be honest, I think parents would be relieved if all the events stopped, such as discos, Halloween events etc. I cant think of anything worse. It used to annoy me all the things we had to give money for and go to just so the kids could have playground markings and few extra sports balls and skipping ropes.

Yep nameChangeforthis88 - I think you are me! Even down to the lugging bags of coins, trying to find a bank branch that has not been shut down, using up lunch breaks and even annual leave to get to a feckin bank before they all shut for Christmas, crying at doing accounts with no accounts experience.

Yes I agree, I would happily end all 'fun' events at school. I know parents would be glad (me included), but I thought we were trying to do it for the kids to have fun too, not just to raise money. Well, that was my take on it anyway, not just about raising money.

That said you can make friends for life. My lovely friend and I scrubbing glue off craft tables using paper towels and hand soap was a low point we still close 10 years later!

No adult likes the events but the kids really do enjoy them (I loved school fairs as a kid) and they raise much needed funds. Seems a shame not to do because parents cba.

Fine not to get involved but consistently slagging off the efforts of those that do is grating to say the least.

My dd school is very much the clique, bitchy sort unfortunately. Any offers of help fall on deaf ears usually unless is something beneath them to do.

If they do get volunteers then all the donkey work is left to them, the head of the pta usually is 'away' at any fetes or event s where she actually needs to do stuff.

And their kids or families are the only ones that win in the raffles 🤔

So yep, they are living up to the stereotype!

I’m a member of ours, can’t usually do much as I’m working full time but can occasionally make meetings and help at events. The biggest issue we have is the head teacher basically not allowing us to do anything or try anything new. Incredibly frustrating and I can see why the whole previous ones completely disbanded

@PartyCat - I think I was on the PTA with you . Your school sounds exactly like ours.

All the mums ( yes of course it was all mums ) on the PTA all had jobs ( bar one ) and were giving up their free time to help the kids. I hate the bitchy and bigoted stuff written here on MN about PTA parents.

To be honest I've always thought if people want to do this sort of stuff, it's fine...but dont do the "it's a social responsibility and the kids will do without" rubbish. Kids dont need playground markings or tablets, or any of the other add ons that pta money buys. The poorer kids and parents cant afford to pay and it puts unnecessary pressure on them and the whole thing reeks of "look at me arent I great for doing this"! Its just so annoying. It's really tricky if the school holds a fair that your child wants to go to, when you are at work and noone can get the child there. I'd rather use my time off to take them to better things.

I was in the PTA for a while when my dc were younger. Christ it was tedious! No queen bee types, just interminably long meetings where people would dwell on and niggle about the most pointlessly tiny details. I didn't last long. I wonder if the relatively small amount of money they raise (compared with the average school budget) is really worth the hassle and effort.

Many parents would definitely prefer not to have the events, not least because they involve parents donating time and goods, only to be expected to then turn up and effectively buy the equivalent of their own stuff back (cake sales, summer and Christmas fayres etc). I'm a teacher and I don't see it as my job to finance what the government fails to.

It depends on the PTA really doesn't it....

When DS first started primary it was absolute cliche you described and put a lot of people off joining (very cliquey "yummy mummies" who had an alpha syndrome).

However a few years in as those PTA parents children left the school it was a totally different demographic - the make up was mainly working parents (including myself) and (shock horror) nearly half of them were men .

It was a lot more friendly, proactive and people who volunteered did so absolutely as a social responsibility rather than for a playground ego trip.

Sadly though, the PTA is now being being approached for basic things the school should be able to finance (and have been able to, in the past). Decent railings, online subscriptions, new books. It's not just the fancy extras in many cases.

Our PTA is, in normal times, really active and makes a lot of money. Timber vast majority are parents (we have a few dads) who pitch in when they can and give up spare time on top of a busy schedule.

I joined to make some more friends and get involved. It's pretty friendly.

The PTA should absolutely not be replacing government funds but until the British public vote in a government who will start funding schools properly, we unfortunately have to fill in the gaps.

look at me arent I great for doing this - this is exactly the opposite of how I felt, and given the obvious consensus from non-PTA people, clearly people do NOT think you are great for being in the PTA. I was not doing it for any kind of kudos (as if!) - I got dragged in by a friend as they needed people . I take all the points about them not raising much money in the big scheme of things, but imo it was for the kids to have fun stuff arranged too. My main point was about not making assumptions about others, tarring everyone with the same brush, but then I went down the rabbit-hole about my own experiences. Anyway, thanks all for the interesting discussion!